It's Come To A Point Where I Can't Even Function Normally Sometimes

Most people don't or can't understand what it's like to feel ugly ALL THE TIME. A lot of the time, most people just think I say I'm ugly for attention, and this is not the case at all. Trust me, I wish I could NEVER know the feeling of feeling ugly. I wish I would never have to feel this way. Do they honestly believe I want to feel this way ? I have cried myself to sleep on many occasions, and not just nights, even during the day. I have contemplated suicide because I feel like I'll never get anywhere in life because I'm not attractive. It's come to a point where I can't even function normally sometimes. I'll be at work and I'll see my reflection in a mirror and I look horrendous. It totally throws me off and for a few minutes, all I can think about is if people are looking at me and judging me and talking about how ugly I am. I have to force myself to go out with friends to a club when I really don't want to. I'm tired of seeing all my attractive friends get hit on and groped and no one paying attention to me. I'm tired of having to fake smiles and pretend I'm having a good time when all I want to do is cry my eyes out. I'm tired of crying secretly at clubs when I'm with friends (I literally hide my face and cry when they're not looking at me and when they look back at me I quickly wipe my tears away and smile as if nothing is wrong). I've become so good at faking being happy when other people are around because no one wants to hang around a downer, and when it comes down to it - no one really cares. I wish society wasn't so superficial, but hey, reality is harsh and there's really nothing I can do about it.

Feeling/being ugly is crippling. I'm afraid one day it might be too much for me to handle. I can only stay strong for so long.
AusMu AusMu
31-35, M
2 Responses May 11, 2012

I know hair styles are different today. Everyone wants to do their own thing. If you want to be accepted rethink the hair style. Women want to know their is some future in the relationship. Your to old for that type of hair style too. My advice (of course you don't need to take it) you have nice hair, what I can see. Go to someone who can style your hair. Short hair is the style today. Dress real nice(successful ) when you go out on the town. Women like men who are confident and self-assured

I can see your picture, I'm expecting someone ugly but dont see him. You have serious self confidence issues. Trust me, you are NOT HIDEOUS. I don't know you , i have no reason to be nice to you and butter you up, i'm saying it how i see it. Your hairstyle isnt really my type but thats a personal choice of mine, otherwise you seem like a normal dude. Nice tattoos. I think the life you've lived, the experiences you had made you into someone who suffers from self confidence and a really bad self image. I have the same issue. I think i'm ugly when people think i'm good looking, i hate it when people say that. I wish people would say yea im ugly just so i can be at peace with it. .. You think women dont approach you because of your looks? no, its your insecurity which repels them. Women, and human beings in general, can sense someone whose insecure. Its written all over their face and body language, even the ones that fake a smile. You might think you're a good actor but you're no oscar winner.