Ridiculously So......I have got more so as I have got older. I am not the type that goes around crying at everything but I am the type who feels everything VERY deeply. I guess the best way I can describe it is that on an emotional level, some people will feel things a bit and I will feel it three times as much if not more. I am very good at understanding people and how they are/might be feeling and am able to see things from their point of view when they are upset over something. This is the case even if people are ridiculing them for it.
I have a colleague at work whose girlfriend has died. I barely know this guy and didn't know his fiancee but since I heard (more then a week ago) I can't stop thinking about it. I worry about him and how he is as well as her family and I worry about his future and whether he can ever be truly happy. I care SO much about people I don't even know and don't always like this as it makes me vulnerable. I even end up continuing to care for people even if they hurt me deeply. I have a strong protective streak in me for people of all ages, young and old.
This personality trait works great in my job as a daycare worker as I can relate to the children, understand them and be there for their emotional needs but in the real world I have found it has cost me greatly being this way. I feel some people take it for advantage that I am this way and that they can exploit it. This hurts me deeply. Because I feel things more deeply, I get upset and worried much more easily then the average person but feel I have to keep these feelings inside as I worry people will think them stupid or see me as a weak person. I have learnt to bottle things up and put on a happy mask even when I am feeling sad or worried. I rarely tell people I am upset or feeling ill and I think that's because I have put myself in the role of carer and protector so I rarely get the same level of care back which can be a bit of a kick in the teeth at times.
I do feel defective at times and worry there is something wrong with me as I care so deeply and no-one else seems to get like I do. Everything just seems to move me and affect me to a great degree and that can be beautiful as times but also isolating and hard on another level.
deleted 26-30 2 Responses 2 Nov 23, 2011