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My True Story of An Affair.

I have been married for 11 years now but have been with husband for 19 years. We were high school sweetheart. We have had problems off and on throughout but we always made it through. A little over a year ago I decided I was not going to be faithful anymore. I had enough of him not being faithful. I did not take the choice to be with another man lightly. I started disconnecting myself emotionally from my husband and did not act on physically cheating until 2 months later. I met a great man in the same situation as far as someone not being happy in their marriage. We fell for each other pretty fast and before you knew we were meeting in hotel rooms and enjoying each other. Our relationship has grown tremendously. We are still friends today. Its not all about sex. We are each other escape from our worlds. We sometimes just meet up to talk. I know that he is never leaving his wife. That's what we talked about in the beginning of our friendship. We both knew what 2 expect and that way we could just enjoy one another. I am a changed woman because of it. I now know how strong I am and I have more confidence. My husband was very comfortable in thinking that no one would want me. So he never suspected I was having an affair. My husband and I had separated last year for about 7 months and now he is back. We are taking things one day at a time. I don't know or maybe I don't care if it is right or wrong but I gave that man 100% of myself all those years and now I feel like I must keep something for myself. That part me will not give up my friendship with my married man. I will not stop being intimate with him.

Madori Madori 31-35 19 Responses Jun 4, 2008

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really who care about your affair that left up to you and God......

nothing wrong in your act. i appreciate your feelings

I stumbled upon this looking for comfort after realizing my marriage supplement wasn't happy with our situation and things were headed to the end. I am devastated! I was so happy! I had given my self 100 percent to my husband for 9 years and 2 kids with him! He doesn't give my any of the things I get from my other man! I did try for many years to tell my husband what was lacking. He didn't care. He didn't try! I found this other man and fell for him! He was the only one and very well may never b another. We saw each other for several months but not often! With all the responsibilities I had it made it hard! He was single and has never been married! It was the only way. I could never do this to another family or woman. However he wanted more or either didn't want it to continue anymore. He does know my husband and kids well although they aren't any more than acquaintances.
The thing is I have to continue to be around him for the remainder of the ball year. He is my dd coach :( I don't know how I am going to get over this and be happy in my marriage. My husband is my best friend. What we have isn't perfect but we are a family. I hate I have to put in a happy face and act as if nothing's happened when all I want to do is crawl in a cave and cry!!!

I stumbled upon this looking for comfort after realizing my marriage supplement wasn't happy with our situation and things were headed to the end. I am devastated! I was so happy! I had given my self 100 percent to my husband for 9 years and 2 kids with him! He doesn't give my any of the things I get from my other man! I did try for many years to tell my husband what was lacking. He didn't care. He didn't try! I found this other man and fell for him! He was the only one and very well may never b another. We saw each other for several months but not often! With all the responsibilities I had it made it hard! He was single and has never been married! It was the only way. I could never do this to another family or woman. However he wanted more or either didn't want it to continue anymore. He does know my husband and kids well although they aren't any more than acquaintances.The thing is I have to continue to be around him for the remainder of the ball year. He is my dd coach :( I don't know how I am going to get over this and be happy in my marriage. My husband is my best friend. What we have isn't perfect but we are a family. I hate I have to put in a happy face and act as if nothing's happened when all I want to do is crawl in a cave and cry!!!

There is absolutely no mention of, and obviously no consideration given to, the family (including children) of the man you are stepping out with.



Affairs profoundly damage not only the spouse but also the children, with that damage lasting a long time (if it ever goes away). Your probably don't buy this, but we do owe a duty of care to others in our society, even if we don't personally know them. So your husband was unfaithful -- the answer is easy: divorce him, and go out and find an unattached man. There's plenty of them out there. Your story is all about you, and how you feel. Completely and utterly selfish.



Don't worry, the karma will circle around and bite you square in the ***. And when it does, don't come on this chat board complaining about your fate -- we won't want to hear it.

I do understand you I have been married for 10years with 2 kids. My husband started to abuse me emotional and physical telling me how useless I am. Things started to change the day I met my ex-boyfriend who is married as well. He told me all I wanted to hear from a man. His marriage was fine except in 1 department...sex his wife was depriving him. So we agreed on on "no strings attached contract" that was last year. Now this year that agreement is not working at all, we really love each other our sexual life is steamy,we enjoy kissing which he said his wife hates. Me I am enjoying my life with my married ex...

No-one has the right to break the trust that is part of married life. When I found out my husband had cheated on me I couldn't understand why he didn't just leave if he wasn't happy any more or more to the point why didn't he tell me how uphappy he was so we could have tried together to make things better.

Some of the above comments make it apparent that most of you thing your partners would prefer you to have an affair than to split up with them, one comment in particular "I would never leave my husband" sounds as though you think your doing him a favour! Try being honest with him and see if he feels the same way, I think you'd be suprised

Do you think you are able to commit to your marriage 100% with him still in your life? If your husband is back, doesn't that mean you are comitted to your marriage? Do you think you sought out this man for revenge initally and it grew into something more? I just found out my husband had an affair two months ago ... carried on with his high school girlfriend for about the last 10 months and it was physical as well. She was a friend of mine as well so this is devastating to me. I am trying to find out how you can rebuild trust and forgive, etc. During the low points in our marriage when he was with her, I considered finding someone to try to make me happy so that I could be happier in my marriage but in the end, just couldn't do it. Just gaining insight to this side of marriage and hope I haven't offended you with my questions.

You go girl



He want exclusivity? ,..... then you need to be his all - 100% Exclusivity... and you being the centre of his life. Centre

I see you wrote this in 2008,how is your marriage now,and do you still think of the other woman?

Although I agree with the 'marriage supplement' philosophy, these scenrios must eventually reach some sort of conclusion. I speak as someone who had the perfect 'marriage supplement' - and was happier that I'd been for many years - but his wife found an email from me, confronted him & they agreed to separate. Suddenly the pressure was on me to make a decision about my own marriage: should I salvage it or leave for him? For a number of reasons (including being a mum coupled with the fact that my affair lives in the US and me in the UK) I chose to stay in my marriage; responsibilities dictated it really was the only choice to make. The trouble is, when you have such a profound and wonderful 'link' with someone, it doesn't just disappear. If it ends (for whatever reason - a careless mistake in my case) you can't just reclaim your heart and give it back to its rightful owner. Although I am a better person in many ways for knowing him, sometimes I wish it had never happened because the havoc it's wreaked on me emotionally is indescribably painful. Without my 'marriage supplement' I feel like I'm wasting away. But I have to soldier on in some kind of zombie fashion with my husband apparently oblivious. It's not a mental state I would recommend to anyone. Some of you sound like you're emotionally strong enough to cope. I thought I was. I was wrong. Please PLEASE I just urge you to be prepared.

I read this and was reading my story! I met my soul mate when I was 20. He was everything I didn't know I wanted. I cheated on him and we broke up. We spent the next 8 years going back and forth hurting each other before breaking it off for good. Fast forward 10 years. We are both married with kids. He is in the south and I am in the midwest. Through the miracle of the internet we managed to reconnect. We started with the "I am so happy with my life/spouse/kids" and quickly slid down to the slippery slope to "I want you, I need you, I always loved you." His marriage is to a "friend" he got pregnant and chose to marry. Mine is to a great guy who is everything I should want and need. He's just not HIM. Neither of us will leave our spouses but we can not be without each other. May never even get to actually be together but trying to plan one anyway. He's the love of my life. Funny thing? Not sure my husband would care about the naughty pictures and fantasies I exchange with my ex. He is having the best sex we've had in years and I am a happier woman. Marriage supplement? I love it!!

That does make sense. I call it marriage supplements. When our diet is lacking, we take vitamins. When our relationship needs something our spouse doesn't/can't give, we seek it elsewhere. I would love for my wife to be all I need, but she isn't. It's not her fault, she is great in many ways. I get what you are saying.

Don't you guys also think that the only reason why you can stay with your partner is because you have the other outside person who fulfills whatever your partner is not providing? I really don't think I could still be with my husband if not for the numerous affairs I have had.



These other men make me feel beautiful and wanted, but I get my stabilty from my husband and I will NEVER leave him. Does that make sense???

Good for you. I support you 100%. I am a man in exactly the same situation as you. After 21 years and 3 grown children I left my abusive wife and the children and then formed a relationship with a lady who is "the one" I returned to my wife after 6 months as she said she now understood me and she had changed and we too are taking it a day at a time. I still love the other lady and we still talk etc, we are soulmates.

I understand the reasons why we "have" to try again. A lot of people wont ever understand why we do it. Its all to do with finances, the kids, family opinions etc. I see the looks from her friends and family that says "you git", some tell me they are happy that I have returned - because it pleases my wife - no one has ever asked me how I am feeling etc, how am I? Are you OK?

I am busting for someone, anyone to ask and I will spill my guts and tell just how it is. All my feelings have to remain bottled up for the moment.

My lady friend says that she cant see me and my wife working out. They know of each other and my wife knows that me and the other lady were planning to get married, buy a home and have a baby. I am gutted. I have missed an opportunity for happiness. I hope you do find happiness however it happens. I dont think it will be with your husband. He doesnt deserve you. I feel for you man friend.

About a year ago, I discovered that the man I have been living with for the past thirteen years had been having relationships with several other women. I always had suspicions but never wanted to know, so I ignored the obvious signs. At first I was hurt and angry, but as time went on I realized that I was not really that surprised. I turned the anger into changing myself and really figuring out what I'm all about. Since then I've lost about 50 pounds, starting working out regularly and have improved my career. I tried breaking up with him but he denied everything. And, he said that he really loves me and that he wants to make things work. Because of finances, I haven't been able to break up with him. So, while I've been making all these changes I met a really great man who saw something in me that no one has seen in a long time. All these years I had been totally faithful to my boyfriend. When I met his man we became friends. I told him only positive things about my relationship and he told me only positive things about his. Somehow, we both knew that the other was not being totally honest. We became very attracted to each other and started having a relationship. He never lied to me and said that he would leave his wife for me but he needed someone else. And, so did I. We talk, listen to each other, laugh and sometimes make love. When we are together I feel totally removed from the rest of my life. I don't have any expectations from him. When I read your story, it was so nice to see that this relationship helped you. My new relationship has brought me a great deal of joy. It also helped me deal with the problems I have with my boyfriend. When you are living with someone, even if it's a loveless relationship, you can't exactly date! Someday, I'll figure out how to get out of the relationship I'm trapped in but until then I have a wonderful "part-time" relationship that reminds me what it's like to be happy.

My marriage is on autopilot and has been for 10 to 15 years now. We have been married for over 20 years. There is not much intimacy and it's just a quick little kiss now and then. I have tried to be more loving but she is more interested in the TV and her DVD soaps. There is not much of a fire anymore. The kids are grown. Lately I have been evaluating whether I should retire from my marriage when I retire from my job in a year or so. Just recently I got back in touch via the net with my first love from hi school and we have e-mailed back and forth a few times. I still love her after decades. We both are married and I wouldn't do anything to hurt her marriage. I keep wondering what it would have been like if we were still together. I suppose I will keep trying and working on my marriage. I know that it's the right thing to do. It helps to talk about it. I am glad that it worked out for you and your secret friend actually helped your marriage. Thanks to this web site for letting us share our stories here.

Thanks for saying that. What I also meant to say was that I sometimes don't feel like the other woman because of our expectations. We are not longing to be together one day. Even when my husband left me for the woman he was cheating on me with did I ever entertain the idea of an relationship. I don't feel shame or hurt for what I am doing. This is the new me. I had not confidence in myself before. The sun rose and set on my husband for many years. I did everything for him and he hurt me deeply. This new me is so happy. Yes we are working on our marriage and he is totally different but I feel the damage has been done. I learned alot of lessons from this experience. I will tell any woman whether they are in a great marriage or not please have money in an account just for you. You can it just in case he acts up money...If you know you want to leave start by putting away money. Have your own so that you won't get caught out there.

I understand. You have to do what you have to do to find a little happiness in this life. I'm glad you have found someone.