How The Old Man (aka My Dad) Kissed A Goat.My dad and his brother decided to become goat herders/farmers/handlers (whatever the term is) so he was the one with a pickup truck so he built an enclosed wooden gate around the bed of the truck and was loaded to go.
My mom was more worried about him than usual so she asked me to go with him. Knowing we never do anything together. I refused, she then pleaded and the begged. I soon sensed something was a awry. So I reluctantly accepted. It was me driving, my dad and a next door neighbor. No sooner than us turning the corner of the street on our block and my dad pulls out this bottle of Vodka and turned it up and began gulping it down. Literally! I would liken it to someone turning up a water bottle and gulping it down. Don’t get me wrong I love a good party but we’re going to be traveling hundreds of miles round trip in just two days and this kind of start upset me. He then had the nerve to ask if I wanted some. I declined with disgust. Not like I’ve never seen him drink before, that was his natural state of being. But this had a different tone to it. This had been going on the entire trip. We made it to our destination stayed the night and the next morning we loaded the goats up and headed back.
We finally made it back home and there was still enough daylight left to unload the goats, three in all, before it got dark. Two kids and one Billie-goat, he didn’t have a place for the goats since he lived in a semi-urban/suburban area. We were to hold them for the night and then head to the rural the next day. One slight problem he has two chow dogs, the larger ones, and the goats were to be pinned within a small fenced area in the backyard surrounded by the dogs. Of course the dogs on the outside of the fence; the trick was going to be to get the goats to the pin without the dogs disturbing us. Well the stupid old man thought he could simply verbally control the dogs. NOT!
Coralling the two kids was easy they nervously and hurriedly ran into the pin past the dogs that were still wondering what was going on. But the Billie-goat being a Billie-goat had other plans. He began resisting and eventually broke loose, jump of the truck and into the back yard. The fence open for the truck the goat immediately darted for any opening and found one and made to the street a free goat. We quickly tried to chase him down and he bolted for the house across the street that had a pit bull in the back yard. The goat jumped the fence and started running in the neighbors backyard. I immediately followed fearful of the pit bull both for me and the goat. And as Murphy’s law would have the two met. Just like a movie, face to face. The pit bull having never seen a goat didn’t know how to react and to our benefit. The owner came out and grabbed his pit bull and the goat was off again.
After a couple of more houses and a little down the street we caught the goat. Dragged it back home and the stupid old man in his drunken stupor was going to teach the chow and the goat to be friends and love each other.
He got the dog in a head lock, not hurting him, and yelled for me to bring him the goat. In the other arm he got the goat in a head lock, not hurting him. Both with their heads to the front of the old man and facing each other, the dog keeps snapping at the goat and the goat struggling to get away. The old man yelling at the two to be friends and love each other and in a display of how to do it he began kissing the chow on the head and then the goat. After coming to the conclusion that they were now friends and all loved each other the episode was over. That’s how the stupid old man came to kiss a goat. Ta Da!
DNewGuy 70+, M 5 Responses 2 Mar 16, 2011