Pre-homesickness

Warning: Lots of teenage rants. You are fore-warned!

So I am feeling pre-homesickness, if such term exist. The thought of leaving home for a period of 9 months had me in tears. To think I still have a month, 2 weeks and one day left before leaving, heck, who is counting. Since I am back from college 8 hours by flight away from home, I realize it's not the home I miss. Its the people around me. The convenience of all. I loath to leave that. The whole sense of security and warmth. I find myself scare to venture overseas despite the excitement awaits. As this year, I will be starting university my anxiety prolly broke my all time record. What if I dont have the determination to study? What would happen to me when my mom isnt here to help me out. Believe me, losing the comfort is not fun. I lived on my own of a year, and not a day go pass when i realize it not easy to take care of myself. Especially cooking for myself. I have several scars to prove how hard it can be.

Especially coming from an Asia country close to the equator, it's pretty much summer all year round. Aussie has somewhat 4 seasons. Winter was so depressing as the night rises as early as 5pm. Something I am definitely not accustomed to. Sure, this time back I would have friends waiting for me but it never be the same. And knowing that each time I leave, the more distant my relationships are with friends back home. In fact, I lost touch with several of them and making new friends isn't easy. Then there is the fear of being alone and I had spent many evenings alone. Despite staying in a student dormitory, the students there pretty much keep to themselves. The whole place is just so gloomy.

There are many other things to considered.Transport, I cant drive and for some reason I keep missing the bus. Food, I cant cook and I keep forgetting to buy them. Entertainment, The currency oh gosh my heart is constricting! Waking up, that would have to depend on me sleeping first. Laundry and cleaning up, I am too young for these *****! Touchy subject: Racist. I have a small amount of people screaming obscenities at me for being asian. I get them since we do kinda are everywhere but this make me feel rather unwelcome.

I am scared stiff to bear the thought of going through all that again. This fear I must overcome if I want to gain new experience. On the bright side, I can't wait to go camping. My friend promises me a campfire.
xueh xueh
18-21, F
Jan 16, 2013