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Depression

i am always misunderstood. I have low self esteem.Most women don't like me and i don't even know why. They talk bad about me but don't even know me. I am quiet,shy, don't like to start any trouble,i don't party, i don't have a boyfriend,i am a college student,i volunteer at two major hospitals in New York City.So why do people hate me for doing good things in life. i hate that i have to walk around in this neighborhood when some girls don't want me here. They don't even know but yet i am judged because they choose to judge me. i have my issues to deal with.ive been taken advantage by men because i was young and stupid. I use to have confidence now i walk around like a zombie that wants to be invisible. Guys just want to get in my pants and they apparently know how to sweet talk their way into my brain. i am sick and tired dealing with the same bullshit. is there anyone out there i can trust. I am a good person i know it. I have a problem because i do care too much.I have a good heart. I took out a 20,000 student loan for my parents to pay some bills including the mortgage that is still sucking us dry. ive volunteered since i was 16 in soup kitchen,nursing home and hospitals. i want to get my bachelors in nursing. so why am i always a target? i don't know i just want to be left alone. i hate the way i look i cant change it because i was born this way.i hate being discrimination against being black. Some people always underestimate me thinking i am stupid but i have a 3.0 GPA and know a lot than most. i am tired of everyone not understanding me. My parents wont let me party and oh yea i am 22 years old living under there roof that's mostly the reason why i cant party or hang out with my friends which i understand but does that make me a bad person.Does it also make me a bad person that i take care of my 73 year old father.Does it make it a bad person to be the youngest in my family to care about my family unlike my older siblings.Does it make me a bad person for me to care to have a relationship while guys just want to have sex. This world is confusing sometimes i am ashamed for being who i am and the sad part is i haven't done anything wrong.
scarless21 scarless21 22-25, F 3 Responses Mar 22, 2012

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There is nothing wrong with you or what you want. You are fine, you just need to get out on your own where you aren't around people who make you feel that way.

Thank you hopepain

I feel you girl, i really do. I am also in a similar frustrated state but I dont know what to do.but one thing i have learned in life is, no matter what ever physical appearance we have black, ugly, short...we should not focus on that. we should focus on the good things about our selves.if i do this it helps a lot better. think of all the people around us, they all have drawbacks, ugly secrets, yet they don't show it, they try to appear as if they are good and spotless. but my dear friend believe me, every one is stupid!!! but people like you and me always are honest and open and tell people our weakness and you know people are the meanest thing ever in this world, so they exploit us and they actually get hope and pleasure in knowing our faults. (cuz it reassures them that they are not the only stupid people.)

My dear friend I see you are a very good, hard working, always striving to do good. what ever you are doing is beyond the ordinary and that's why people hate you or judge u cuz they cant afford to pull things together like you do. people want you to join their ordinary club but you are extraordinary. do you want to go back into being ordinary???? no absolutely not!!! just acknowledge for yourself that you are way above them and keep on rising above, my friend.



one more advice is, i see you don have the energy to push on life, it is cuz you wait to get ur energy from peoples approval . don't wait for people to approve what ever you do. who are people to do that any way??? they are just like you, humans after all!! full of flaws.I say, take ur future into your own hand girl, you have full power either to crush or build ur future. i am sure when u see ur future on ur palm struggling, crawling, kicking.... u would love love it and would want to help that self who is struggling to make ends meet. my dear friend, don't give authority to other people when u r the source of power urself.

For me trusting in GOD also provides me with hope to crawl and survive each day....



Dear friend just know u r not along....that tells u what u r going thru is normal just dotn let it overwhelm you.



YOUR sister in Christ.