Me, I Dislike It.

I know many people around the world experience the same pain I do. It might not be important to some people but it is to me. I am a very strong young-woman, but like everyone I have feelings. I'm always that girl who is friendly, kind, advising, loving, funny, and nice. I always give people a chance, even if they hurt me. I always forgive because i believe that is what the Lord tells us to do no matter how bad of the situation. I am writing this because I can not express my feelings out to anyone. I guess this is a thing where recently been hurting inside. I refuse to tell a life story about myself, but ill be simple. I do not want to be perfect. No one is. This is reality, friends come and go. No matter how nice you can be, people will always back-stab you if it is for their convience. This is what always happens to me. I been through relationships. All of which have failed, because I am always taken advantaged of. Why is this? Anyways, lets start off with I have fallen for a guy. My life is hard, my childhood was not a story book. I go through many problems everyday, and i have met this kid we have been friends for 7 months now. At first on facebook he would always tell me im pretty and beautiful. the first time we hung out he said i was beautiful and then the second time we saw each other he kissed me. Now i started to develop feelings for this kid. We started texting each other everyday, hang out all the time, do our personal things, and act like a couple. After a while, I noticed he did not ask me out. Although he would adress that he would help me out in a lot of things, like getting an apartment, working for him in his buissness and things like this. We talk everyday literally. He said our personal things was to only be between us. Not me with someone else, or him with another girl. Just us when it comes to laying down. This guy has every single detail I want in a man to be with for a very long time. I felt like it was too goo to be true, like if i was living in a fantasy. I was happy for once. I enjoyed every minute of me and him together. So I finally had courage to address how I feel about him. And may I say, it is my biggest regret. He said "I can not pass that line right, now because I have so many problems." "I just want to be a really good friend to you." But right after he kissed me. After this I admit I was heart broken, i guess this is where my insecurities came in. But we would still see each other have a good time, but still kiss and act like a couple. I was very confused because friends do not do these things to each if they are just friend. Again, I addressed him but I told him "I understand you do not like me," but then he answerd "I do like you." Highly confusing. Anyways, recently I have noticed that when we do hang out he does not kiss me anymore or even acts like how he used to. Im head over heels for this kid. No, im not in love. I do not love him. I really care and like the kid a lot more than i should i supose. Now for the past month, I feel ugly around him and everywhere i go. I cry everytime i glaze myself at the mirror. Everytime i think about it, i choke up and my eyes water, bursting into tears. Im short, have short hair and no body. I look like if i am 14 and no one takes me seriously. I wish i was this tall beautiful faced girl with long black hair up to my ***, with the big boobs and big ***. But I am none of these. I see pretty girls all the time and they look like models. i wish i can look that. i wish i can change so much of me. I do not want attention from guys what-so-ever. I just wished he saw me as this beautiful woman not a little girl he can have fun with. I know you can not force anyone into liking you, it just brakes my heart and makes me feel like I am not a good looking person.
bangelica16 bangelica16
18-21, F
Dec 12, 2012