OMG. I am so horribly insecure about my appearance that it is scary to even myself. There are times when i literally avoid mirrors because i hate looking at myself in them. People compliment me and tell me that i'm beautiful, i'm gorgeous but its like i don't see what they see. I dont know maybe its because in highschool guys never really paid attention to me..i mean they did but i just never really felt good enough..there was this one guy who called me ugly and idont know why but to this day it hurts me..he was HIDEOUS and thats not even me trying to be malicious..i just don't know why..its like my high school insecurities have followed me into my early adulthood and its really annoying. I see things on me that other people dont see supposedly. I hate having my picture taken, its just really saddening..i have anxiety because im always wondering if someone is looking at me or making fun of me because they think im ugly. i'm afraid to loook at people because i think that theyll think that im ugly. I have a love hate relationship with my naturally slender and there are some days when i wish i was thicker because it seems liek thats why most guys go after..and no im not trying to please guys its just that society has this weird mold that women have to fit and if they don't its like they're either less of a woman or not woman enough. I hate looking at magazines and looking on tv and seeing people who if the average woman doesnt look like this then shes "not that *****" WHAT THE ****. im so tired of being conscious of my appearance i just wanna say **** it and not give a **** but its so hard to since almost everything in this world is centered around how you look..people that look a certain way get treated a certain way..and idk its a constant battle trying to love yourself when you can't accept who you are.
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3 Responses Mar 26, 2013

Angel. You are beautiful and you should reaffirm it to yourself every day. You should never doubt that or be ashamed of it. Stand in the mirror and say "I am beautiful and it gives me power. God made me this way for a reason and I am to share everything that is beautiful about me with people who deserve it." When you share it, you feel that power.

I can understand this but honey you are beautiful.

Girl we are like body image feeling ugly soul sisters. Like you I too was made to feel ugly however I was thicker. i have always been attracted to white men but back when I was growing up you didnt see a lot if any white guys with black women. Plus add to it that I was chunky and no white guy r boy for that matter ever gave me the time of day. Add to that me being shy around someone I like and I was a train wreck. Still am in a way when it comes to men.

Baby girl you dont want to be my age and still struggling with it because trust me it doesnt get any easier. I am learning to like, love and accept myself the way I am. Hell if God likes, loves, and accepts me shouldn't I? Besides He really knows me better than anyone. It's a battle yes but we shall overcome because our inner beauty will shine through.

Amen :)