Just Another One Of Seven.. Billion.

I am human, so I make make mistakes constantly. Sometimes my decisions are right, while other times they are ever so wrong, and I often don't know which is which until afterword. To some degree every single day I do good and cause harm to myself and others, sometimes unknowingly, while other times deliberately. I feel guilty, jealous, joyous, sad, etc. and then act out accordingly. My life has seasons and my mood changes like the weather. I often care about my fellow human being, and yet at times I detest them as well. Cruelty and injustice are my weapons, and selfishness my only friend when I feel threatened. I either love foolishly and without regard to the consequences, or I am guarded and protect my heart from a ravages of love, however which I choose depends on my mood.

I am human so I dream of a better tomorrow and fear what tomorrow may bring, find the past is always bittersweet, and the present seems an incomprehensible puzzle to me. I want what I should never be allowed to have and always more than I need. I long to be a part of others lives even when I run from them with all of my might, and seek acceptance in their rejection, just because it means they see me. I long for everyones unconditional love, even though I have done nothing to deserve it. I know I am no more important than anyone else here, but I crave special treatment in spite of this understanding. I always wish I was better than I am and wonder if I will ever be happy with myself. I want to be like so many I admire, though I would rather die than be like others I despise.

I am human so at times I believe my value has no worth that which can be derived from the market value of the minerals that constitute this earthly body, and thus this corporeal life serves no purpose other than as a singular living creature just trying to survive as long as possible. While other times I believe that I am an immortal spirit called to a higher purpose with an important role to play in my own, as well as humanities collective destiny. My mind will never be at ease so long as it is still thinking, my body will never find rest so long as it is still functioning, and my conscience will never find peace so long as I am still breathing. I am usually so very weak, though am capable of being ever so strong when I need to be.

I am human, a contradiction by definition, and ever evolving into something I can not foresee.
CopperCoil CopperCoil
36-40, M
5 Responses Dec 2, 2012

..."and the present seems an incomprehensible puzzle to me."

Man! That is me all over the place.

Thanks for reading, commenting, and rating my stories :)

Would it be inappropriate for me to ditto what Katie said below?

We are all here to experience life. Everything that you are feeling is a testament to that. Once we are done here in life we get to go back Home to the Other Side where we no longer have all that. : )

You are not so very different than the rest of us. Most of us experience these shifts, yet we perceive them with different eyes that are influenced by different life experiences.

A beauty. If you're not confused, you're not paying attention. I love this blast from the past. Topical for the mid-70s, and a frightening reminder of exponential growth's implications.<br />