True Friends Help You Bloom

I consider myself very lucky to be able to count the true friends that have come into my life on more than one hand. And by true friends, I mean people who accept you as you are. People who help you grow.  People who help you learn to accept yourself.

I never really had any true friends during my childhood.  I had girls who would latch onto me, declare me their "best friend," then proceed to use me to feel better about themselves.  And that pattern continued right up through high school, and into my first two years of college.  I never had trouble making casual acquaintances, but I never had any real friends until adulthood.    

I went to a private religious high school, and even my "friends" there were never true friends.  They were nice to me, as long as I didn't say anything that they didn't agree with.  As long as I toed the line with their opinions and beliefs, we were "friends."  Otherwise, I was shunned as a bad influence or a "backslider."  Someone susceptible to sin.     

I withdrew into myself during my last year in high school, because I was just focused on finishing my studies and getting the hell out of there and onto college.  But I was still fairly isolated in my first years of college.  I was pretty socially awkward and flighty.  The only people who tried to befriend me usually did so because they identified me as the "smart girl" who would help them get a better grade.  They only contacted me when they wanted something.  Usually help with their homework.

Granted, there were other friendship opportunities that I screwed up on my end.  I'm not perfect.  I lacked the necessary skills to recognize and hold onto true friendships.  I didn't trust easily.  Mostly, I didn't believe that anyone wanted to be around me because they liked me.  I assumed they always had ulterior motives.    

Then, someone reached out to me, and invited me into her circle of friends.  While I wouldn't call that friendship a true one, I did meet many, many true friends through her.  Genuine and accepting people.  And something amazing did come out of that friendship.  I learned how to reach out to others in turn.  And I've made some lifetime friendships from what she taught me.    

Over time, my new friends helped me realize that I was likable.  And I gradually began to trust that they really wanted to be around me.  They weren't just being polite.  They didn't have ulterior motives.  They weren't obligated to like me, like family often is.  They simply liked me, for me.  And that blew my mind.   

And they helped me see things about myself I either wasn't aware of, or I didn't believe.  Positive things.  I'd grown up believing every negative thing about myself, but always denied or swept aside the positive.  Out of low self-esteem, or an attempt at false humility, or religious guilt...I don't know.  But it was a pattern I had established for myself.      

I was dumbfounded at one occasion when my guy friend D commented that I was pretty.  A slightly catty female acquaintance was trying to get out of doing something at a party by pouting and saying, "But I'm prettyyyy..."  (Meaning "I'm pretty, so I shouldn't have to do any work, basically.)  That girl had a habit of getting others to do things for her by acting cute.

And my friend D chimed in with, "Well, Soul's pretty, too, and she's doing it."

And I didn't know how to react to that, because I'd never believed that about myself.  I think I just stood there with a deer-in-the-headlights look, thinking, "What?  Really?"

I still couldn't believe that for the longest time, but I learned to trust that my friends saw me that way.  And I gradually learned to accept myself with their help.  As independent and self-reliant as I like to believe myself to be, I really don't think I could have done that on my own.  Sometimes you really do need other people to help you grow as a person.  

True friends are priceless.  And I feel extremely lucky to have them in my life.  I've been there with them through their exciting life changes--new careers, new relationships, marriages, and now--babies.    

Seeing them happy makes me happy.  They make my life richer and more fulfilling.  And I'll always be grateful for them.