I Went Digging....

 To make a long story short, I'm Facebook friends with a few of my ex's family members and I went to on one of their pages, and a few clicks later I unintentionally ended up on my ex's page. Of course his privacy settings block me from seeing anything "interesting" on there, but his default picture is what really caught my attention....a picture of him and his girlfriend riding on a Jet Ski. I instantly felt hurt, worthless and upset all over again about something that I thought I was over. When we were dating he NEVER did anything fun or special with me. We never went to the movies, we never went out to eat (we did twice, but with unwanted company) we never went shopping, bowling, to the park..etc or did anything fun or memorable, we never had the type of relationship were we could just laugh and talk and say "do you remember that time when...." because we never did anything. Our "relationship" was dull and boring. He never wanted to do anything or go anywhere and if you even tried to get him to go somewhere he'd make excuses or have an attitude or pout the whole time...so now why is it that all of a sudden he's this "adventurous" guy? I'll be completely honest and admit that this is not the first time that I've "went digging" and saw or heard about him going places and doing "fun" things with her that he never even attempted to do with me, and it hurts. It makes me feel exactly how he wants me to feel WORTHLESS and like I'm "missing out". When we were together, although I was never truly happy and I don't recall ever having TRUE genuine feelings for him, I can't seem to figure why I'm so attached to him or why this even bothers me so much, the only reason that I could think of is a comfort reason. I never had serious feelings for him, he was just someone whom I always felt comfortable with, and now that things are over, I guess I'm having a hard time letting go of and rebuilding my "comfort zone", but don't get me wrong, he was a cute, sweet guy, but there was nothing there for me to cling too, maybe if we did stuff and I actually had a reason to feel "bonded" to him then maybe my feelings would have been different for him, but it didn't go that way...but back to what I was saying....why is it that people change or only act a certain way for certain people? What was so wrong with me that made him not have interest in doing "fun" things with me? Why was I not worthy of his quality time? What was I doing or saying wrong? All I know is that I'm extremely hurt by this. This makes ME look bad because I couldn't even get a man who claimed to have loved me and wanted to be with me and have a family with me and claimed to have wanted to make me happy go do things with me that normal couples do, but now he's all over town living the fast life with her and they're both subliminally rubbing it in my face and I just don't understand.  It isn't like I was rushing him or didn't give him time, we we're together on and off but mostly on for a little over 5 years and in that whole 5 years he wouldn't even get a REAL job!!!! (His mom was older and they pretty much lied and said that he did PCA for her and they split the money) so he had money! So, what makes someone all of a sudden want to change? Why does he treat her better than me? Why is he a better man for her than he was for me?...and I don't know if this makes any difference, but one day after work I went to the mall (Alone of course) and my phone died, I went home and took a nap and got up around 10PM. I checked my phone and had multiple voice mails from him and his mom asking me where I was and such...skip forward to the next day that I was with him...he then said "yesterday when you didn't answer the phone, I was upset and nervous, my mom told me that you we're probably with another guy and I believed it. I thought another guy was talking you out and doing all the things that I should be doing" and then he went on to say "if you were to ever find someone better than me, I would want you to tell me, and I at least want us to always be friends"....what does this mean? Was he afraid of doing things with me because he didn't want someone else to notice me or me notice someone else? Was he unsure that he could "entertain" me? Had he already giving up on me because of the fact that he knew that he wasn't making me happy? I mean, I DON'T GET IT!!!! If he really wanted to be there for me, then why wasn't he? Is he different now with her because he feels guilty for losing me because he never did those things with me?? I really don't know...all I know is that I'm just hurt over the fact that he never did those things with me, and now he's a totally different person towards her and it makes me feel like maybe he just wasn't into me like he's into her and I've been with him longer! I simply don't know the answer :-(
Princess1211 Princess1211
26-30, F
3 Responses Aug 4, 2011

Tell ya what P add me on Yahoo and lets talk. I'd love it and therefore you probably would too. Hope to hear from you beautiful. xxx

You're far too beautiful in many areas to be wondering why things happened the way they did. I'm sure both of you made choices and or mistakes, we all do. Put the past behind you. there is someone out there for you that will be able to give you the things you have imagined a relationship to be.

You say you never felt like you had genuine feelings for him and possibly the same is true for him with you. He has obviously moved on and found somebody that he wants to make happy and the same will happen for you once you let go of the resentment and just be yourself. Oh and for goodness sake don't fall into the trap of telling a new boyfriend what you have been feeling regarding your ex, believe me that is the surest way to kill a new relationship before it starts. Just tell yourself that you had a lucky escape and act like the beautiful girl you are and go out and tease the **** out of a bunch of us sad bastards because there is one thing that most men can't resist and that's a sexy girl full of the joys of life.... and definitely no old relationship baggage.