Some Days I Succeed...Other Days.... Not So Much
No one told me it would be this hard. No one warned me that I was getting too close. No alarm bells went off to tell me that I was on the edge of the cliff and in danger of falling head over heels. So, I fell - right off that cliff before I knew what had happened. But as the old story goes, I had no right to do that. Still....you are my first thought in the morning and my last thought at the end of the day. I think of you and our conversations of hopes and dreams and how it could have been in another time and place. It doesn't matter if we have just spoken or if its been a few days, this longing for you doesn't subside. I'm not sure how it happened, I can't explain it, yet after the year that's gone by, you have become one of the most important people in my life. I am afraid that that part will never change and I'll always feel as though a part of me is missing. Perhaps there are those who say I should have known better and I deserve all the pain that I get. The only answer that I have for them is that I didn't get a choice in where my heart would go. I didn't seek you out and consciously decide that you were the one. I didn't ask for this and since I understand the concept of 'no win situation' I will never ask you to leave your family. I will continue to love you, from here, so far away, taking only the left overs and giving you what I can to let you know someone genuinely cares for you. The times that are the most painful and the most difficult to stand by and say nothing are the times when you are hurt and in need. It nearly kills me, but it isn't my place to run to your side and take care of you, so I do what I can and you know that I'm always here for you. I am and continue to be heartbroken yet strive to wear this fake smile and pretend that all is well with the world. Some days I succeed and other days...well....not so much.