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I Dont Know How To Be Not Married--------im So Alone-----------

i have been married to the same man for 44 years.6 years ago i became chronically ill.he started verbally and emotionally ,abusing me.i could not bear it .i made him leave.that was 6 years ago.we have 3 children and 6 grandchildren together. i was with him from the age of 19,-i have never been with another man.(sexually)i found out a year ago he has been cheating on me ,for over 13 years. it ripped my guts out.and still does every day.my 3 children are adults now,busy raising their own families.i have lived alone now ,for 3 years now,and hated every minute of it. i lost 169 pounds,and was diagnosed terminal,when i was still with him.my anger comes from double standards----------if i had done this to him,leaving him alone ,sick ,and was travelling around the world with my old boyfreind ,for thirteen years spending ,lots of money--------i guarantee i would not have 3 children,i would be labeled a *****.                                                 but men-----get away with it-------he still has his 3 kids and his grands and his girlfreind,and they travel all over the world together .im,sick,agoraphobic,im lonelyand obviously depressed--------i loved him,i trusted him, after 44 years,you think you have a solid relationship.. ..................i dont know how to be not married...............i am now legally seperated--------i took him to court and won--------but i cant stop resenting him------ i have to see him because of our children and grandchildren...........birthdays----etc---------i am so anti-man-------i wanted to throw him under the bus,but cant,---------my grandchildren dont know,and i have to protect them ---------so he gets to have his cake and eat it too------------if anyone out there reads this---------tytytytytyty------------i needed to vent----------i needed to be heard-------because i wont bring my kids into this------thats their daddy and they love him===========tyvm,for listening,im still lonely and crying---------------sandy-----------
senecagirl11 senecagirl11 61-65, F 6 Responses Jan 24, 2012

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you can get back at him...but you must work very hard...to be more joyful than him...just take time to bless your children and spend time playing with your grad children without being obtrusive!!!!Be cheerful and happy and caring so that the pain fades away...

This is a terrible story - heartbreaking in fact and unimaginable.<br />
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I am so sorry that in such a difficult time in your life when you need love and support you have been left alone.<br />
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You deserve to be happy and loved and I hope that you can find the strength to focus on yourself. Sending you prayers xo

it nearly killed me,but time helps,my kids and grands are now my priority--tytyty

Hugs and prayers

ty,and you too-----

So sorry. I feel your pain. I hope you find happiness.

tyvm,it helps----

very hard we were just maiired a little over 5 years when my wife was killed at age 19

my GOD so young,you must be devasted,did you have children??????

tyvm,i appreciate you taking the time,to help me feel better---------tytytytytytyty