Rise From Above The Ashes

I always wanted to belong to a family that would love me and would accept me for who I am. How many times have I heard this on this Rise above the ashes as I used to say. I cannot speak for everyone here most would have been better parents than some of the foster homes I would have been put with. You would get slapped for talking back, soap in the mouth for cussing, and a scolding and a spanking for almost anything else. 

The first year of my life I spent at a Children's hospital. Therefore, I was safe. They actually thought I was going to die and put me in a funeral car and transported me to the hospital where I would stay for a year. The next home was filled with many challenges and they ruled the home like a prison. They wanted to adopt me; and so I got a little better treatment for awhile but it would not last.

In fairness to them I feel this is the only way they knew how to show their love. Spankings were mostly in underwear or bare bottom. For least offensive spankings were with the belt but they were not light. But Mom had a board and I was spanked mostly with it. Chores started early in the morning and then you got ready for school. 

If you were viewed as being lazy then more work was given to you. You were slapped for talking back, Soap for cussing and sometimes both. 

My sisters in this family thought it would be good to have me watch them take a bath or shower. Then sometime later the older brother would convince me to allow him to have his way with me. I was afraid of him. Then later in another foster home I was fondled. I was not abused as much but what I could not understand is why I was not allowed to stay with my biological mom. This has hurt me even through my adult life. 

I am just thankful to be here and to help others as long as people allow me into their lives; and once they feel they no longer need me it is okay they can come out of my life. It may be a season a day, a week, a months, or years but we are here for a reason and a very wise woman told me that. I could not agree more..... 
MandyzYouthPastor MandyzYouthPastor
46-50, M
1 Response May 11, 2012

They had determined that none of my family was fit to be good parents to me.