Im going through a hard time in my life and i really need the support of my family, but i dont have it. I never have, so i dont know why i thought when i needed it it would be there. I feel like no one cares about me. All i want them to do is notice im huring, but no one bothers to stop for 5 seconds to worry about it. I have so much pain in my heart and it makes a hard time even harder. I can feel myself pushing everyone who does give a **** away because what i want most is for my family to be the ones there. Not that i don appreciate my friends. Ive been through alot in my life. Growing up my parents werent around much so i just delt with my feelings and problems on my own. Ive always relied on myself for commort. I think thats why now i have such a problem tellin others my feelings and asking ffor help. I need help now and i wont ask anyone. I just feel the pain everyday. I dont want to burden anyone with my problems. I used to be the most caring helpful person. Now i dont wanna do anything for anyone and i feel like e eryone is so selfish.. im so angry all the time, mostly at myself. I wish my parents wouldve been better parents and been there for me more growing up so i wouldnt feel so alone right now.
jersey89 jersey89
22-25, F
3 Responses Sep 11, 2012

Am going through something similar. And have realized that the only support I need - is mine own!
My mom made me feel so crappy over last night's phone-call that I stabbed myself. yes - perhaps I shouldn't have called to discuss a painful issue while she was away 'chasing her dream' - but did it warrant the literal vitriol she poured over me ? No. I begged her to stop, kept screaming stop please I'm trying to hold on to life, I'm trying to live , I'm depressed and I need your help but no - on and on she went about how I was the problem and I was selfish and my vision was narrow and my life was only about me myself and I and how for the last 30 years she's been trying to love me and be supportive and she's sick and tired of it and I'm the problem - and I stabbed myself 12 times just to make it stop.
And now I have these wounds and they hurt and I really don't want to die.
So as much as I love my mom (and she's a good parent actually - all taken into account) - I refuse to see myself as the problem.
I am going to live. Without her in my life. Because I deserve a better life. I am not a bad person and I am not the problem.
Neither are you.
So you don't need support - all you need is to believe in yourself.

I feel the same. I hope you can find it in your heart one day to forgive your parents and strive to be a better one.

well now you are in a situation to reach out to ppl we all need friends but good friends who will support you don,t give up good ppl are out there and help is available for you reach out to others help will be there GOD will help yu find the right ppl to support you . vinny