Patience I Have In Some Areas Of Life Though In Other Areas I Struggle..

The holidays fast approaching and the year almost to coming to an end. I find myself getting more anxious for it to be over in more ways than one. Yes, I did the shopping thing this weekend even holding my five year old in cool rainy weather as she tried to sleep. The deals with Old Navy at midnight was good enough for me.Yet, I felt guilty as my daughter lay asleep fast in my arms before we rushed in to get good deals. The going back to bed part that completely made my half way sleep schedule a nightmare, falling asleep at 5p.m. and waking up at 7p.m. Then forcing myself back to sleep when I had a pile of stuff that I have been putting off out of fear of failing. Anyways, I have not purchased new clothes for myself in a long time. I went to buy girlie clothes wound up in the guys department. I feel tomboyish right now, though I know i look better in women's clothes. I am in an awakard stage in life. I am trying my hardest to tie up loose ends before the years over with. I wish I could find more focus,my brain seems to focus in the creative realm of life unlike someone I know always more concrete with their life. Jealous a bit that that person could focus more on life than me, then again it is more challenging with a wee one in tow. I don't want to let her down and that's where the impatience starts to set in. I found out recently that I might have cancer to top it off with, but fighting with cancer center on the financial end seems to dash my hopes on whether or not I will get the tests that I need to confirm it or praying that they are just benign. I have to fight with their financial department once again. I just keep telling myself to stay strong, like the sparrows that always seem so small but yet have the determination and patience to keep going on in life. I am patient with my preschool students and even with my daughter's never ending homework. Who gives homework to a five year old? I guess better late than never to prepare her for med school either here or in Italy. I look to my five year old for patience and wisdom as she holds on tighter to her dreams of two years of becoming a pediatric emergency room doctor. I even watch the real er shows with her sometimes trying hold my stomach together as she ask questions. I grin at her and try my hardest to answer them. I am happy that one of us knows where we stand on a career path. Career path has been my weakest in life and most impatient. Family has been my strong point. I was always the strong one in my relationships. I hope that I can shed the frustration of impatience of life and be strong overall in continuing going forward in this crazy life of mine, I just hope I don't have to wait in the cold like I did while standing in line to shop. I hope I have the patience and the possibility to move overseas and not to lose sight of my life long dream. I know overseas I can relax more and yet still be challenged without the impatient bug that has followed me rentlessly in the states.
lighthouse54 lighthouse54
31-35, F
Nov 26, 2012