Neglected Wife

Not quite sure where to start.  I am in a bad marriage.  Some of the things I have had to deal with are my husband going out (who knows where) and coming home in the wee hours of the morning or well into the next morning while I have been home with the kids. That is pretty common.  He treats my birthday, Valentines Day, Mothers Day ect... like any other day.  No gifts or well wishes, not even as much as a .99 cent card. We attended his aunts funeral a couple weeks ago and he completely ignored the children and myself. When it was over he went to various bars and partied with friends.  I saw no reason to stick around so the kids and I went home.  Later that day the children had their spring banquet for school.  Of course he never showed up. He doesn't help me with anything and puts everyone ahead of me.  (I may be in the top 10 lol)  I think even his car comes before me!!  It's only the music he wants to hear and only the movies he wants to watch. A couple of months ago he sent a sex message to someone we both know on Facebook.  I have developed a DEEP DEEP disliking for him.  I am tired of being ignored.  I am tired of being treated like I don't matter.  I am tired of the zero respect he gives me.  His actions show that he just plain doesn't care about me and the kids. 
JEKretzschmar JEKretzschmar
31-35
8 Responses May 13, 2011

Sounds exactly like my husband. He just ignores me all the trime except when he wants SEX ! I am the lowesr priority in his life. He pays no attenetion when I speak. Just reads the paper or watches TV or browses the net. He leaves stuff around the house for me to tidy up. If I ask him to do any household chores, he just ignores it. But he has all the time in the world to look after his car, visit his sisters, talk for hours on phone with colleagues etc. He decides which TV programs to watch, how cold or warm the house should be (never mind what i want), what furniture to buy etc, If I protest he just ignores me. If I yell at him, he remindes me that it is "his" house ! I have now withdrawn from him and am silent mostly. I have taken up some hobbies and made some friends for myself. I am responding by excluding him from my life as much as possible. I dont know whether he notices or cares. I am reaching the stage where I will not care either !

I hear you, i have the same relationship with my husband. It sucks, and I am still ont he fence on what I should do. These pople are right these men just arent husband material. It just isnt fair that there is nothing we can do. i know i have numerous arguments with my husband about his lack of respect for me and our children, but he will never understand. I try my best to tell the kids Daddy is just busy, or that he is working so they have no clue that it is us he doesnt want to be around. Hang ing there, but remember be happy, whatever that means. I am trying to figure that out right now.

If he's not beatin' or cheatin'. I pray that you stay. I believe that people enter in our lives not for them to be "Fixed" but it's for us:) If your down about a holiday or birthday etc. Have yourself a Me Day. Technically it's not about you, however, because you like those days. Do something nice for yourself. Maybe once your husband sees you doing for yourself. He can do one of two things. Get mad at you for buying or he will go out and buy you something. I love flowers...Ahhh the lilies of the field. Pick yourself or buy yourself some flowers. Put one in your hair, in the centerpiece on the table. Lighten up your home with sunshine. The sun can brighten up a home even if it's not out. Your personality can change the darkest of places. Keep your children actively involved in activities. This way you won't be so focused on your issues. Learn to love yourself because no one can love you like you. I know that this doesn't exempt your needs your husband . But you have just placed yourself in the top 2 :)<br />
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Bless It and Keep It Movin'

I am truly sad to hear that... NO ONE deserves to be treated that way. I know it only too well as my wife acts much the same way... I am her paycheck, handyman, and errand boy and aside from that I'd better keep my mouth shut and stay out of her way.<br />
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I hope you find someone that treats you with the respect and tenderness you deserve and need...

This almost sounded like my story... Recently, we were out with family and my brother mentioned how my husband ignored even his kid. My family tells me to ignore him and focus on myself and my kid. It appears prudent right now because my son is "deeply" attached to his father. You have to evaluate how deeply your children are to their father. A separation might emotionally upset them. Talk to your husband, tell him your thoughts, and that you need to work on your marriage. If he seems amicable, go and see a counselor. Find your confidence back... look long at yourself in the mirror... spend his money to make yourself look prettier... Be happy from within. To do that, do things that make you happy... Sometimes marriages get boring. When your husband sees you charged and energetic, may be that might bring the old spark back. It worked a couple of times for me... I know deep within that a solution on its way. Hang on there!

It sounds like your husband is only that in name. I am also struggling with the argument to stay home for the sake of the kids or move out, but in your case it sounds like he may be doing more harm than good. It also sounds like he may be cheating on you. I wish you the best of luck.

It honestly sounds like it is just time to go. Or show him the door. Make it clean, be as mature as possible about it for the kids sake. When it's all over take a deep breath and do something for you.

Well, he sounds like a man that is NOT husband material. See, my theory is that men fit into 1 of 2 catagories. Either they are marriage material or they are not. He is not. Either stay and realize that you are in a relationship with someone who is not relationship material, and fill the lonliness with other things in your life that make you happy that does not include him (basically pretend to be single again). Or get a divorce, because he is not going to change. If you stay for the children's sake, realize that it will strictly be a roomate situation until the children are grown and then get out of the relationship (if you can hold out that long emotionally to wait unti the children are 18).