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Bad Bad Bad

We live under one roof and sleep separately. . . I mean different rooms. We never talk except about the kids. I eat with my kids. When he wants to eat I offer a plate and serve him. I wait, while doing something, till he finishes his meal. I can't have a productive conversation. It's either his topic would manipulate the subject to which I'm not interested with. Same with him. But when he needs advice, I give him one politely. I hardly ask from him, I can't be satisfied anyway. He's not good at focusing at a certain issue with a prospect of improving. It's always backed with criticisms and pessimisms. We have nothing in common, as far as I'm concerned. Whenever we talk about the kids, arguments lurks in. I feel sorry for him. I can't be the person for him. Why? I'm not sure. But then, one thig is sure he needs me as a partner in life. Even it means denying ourselves to each other. That what counts is that our kids can see two souls not in love but struggling for their sake. Bad as it may seem to ourselves we have the mutual agreement to make the home as what a responsible adults and parents should act.
ladyryan ladyryan 41-45, F 51 Responses Sep 28, 2011

Your Response


That really sucks!!!! Im sorry. Theres no way in hell i couldnt not sleep in the same room or go without pleasuring you night after night!!!!!

Great. Love that! Lol

So your not intimate ever?

Is it still rough for you ? I wonder how it is for your kids to see that the two of you don't get along.

Kids are grown up now. It has been quite a while since I posted this, but I can tell they are learning from what we're going through and also learning how to reason through. I kept telling them life isn't a bed if roses. One needs to be flexible to fit in.

be careful of the thorns from the roses if you lay in them........:)

In spite of it all, your last sentence indeed gives it something to strive for: an agreement for the sake of the kids to have a home.
Hugs to you my friend.

i was also in a stale relationship was good for ten years was mediocre for ten years and the last ten were so hard ,, now i am happy have been in a loving relationship for 6 years ,,, things change hang in there

Sounds like my situation too ladyryan...although it's my wife's illnesses that cause our problems.

Still, it can be very lonely living with the one who're supposed to be our lover, friend, soulmate, when there's no connection any more.

Any time you want to vent just say hi....

You sound like a fun lady trying to escape a straightjacket of a relationship, in your mind at least.

sorry for your situation. hopefully its gotten better and you found some happiness :)

I have been in a bad bad marriage for ... what feels like forever. When our children were young, we thought they needed us to stay together... and had no idea how to seperate anyway... felt secure together...but miserable....fought a lot... Kids saw and heard... and now that they are grown and married, they say they they wish we divorced when they were young. Also, now that I am 60, I wish I did too. It's too late for me to live without him financially... and I live in a most miserable private hell.

i am sorry for your bad marriage :( i wish you were happy as you deserve.

As I think I've said to you before, you are an extraordinary lady. You should have a great life.

I'm working on that now, working on towards a happy/great life. ((smiles)) Thanks Stoner.

Awww I'm sorry that you are going through that Ladyryan. I too am in almost the exact same situation. We're not enemies..we don't even really fight that often, but we don't relate on any level either. We co-habitate in the same house, he has one level, I have the other. The only time we see each other is doing laundry or meal times. That's about it. Our kids are now grown (although we have one still living at home). It's not a fulfilling life, really..but for us, it has to remain so for a while. I hope things get better for you.

Thank you Miss.^^

To date we avoid having arguments, or fights. We are just focused with our kids (education). Though we have things to talk about the kids, primarily, we both try not to bring out marriage problems.(sorry got me so long to find your comment Miss)

My situation is similar... but he can't let me live in peace. We have separate bedrooms... but he slams doors, calls me names, ... Sometimes, I feel like he batters me verbally... he does. Some friends know ... but don't really know/ can't understand. It sucks. I wish I could retire, but don't want to be home with him either... I just keep playing mind games telling myself things will get better. If it wasn't for my kids, I wouldn't want to live.

This is so sad. It sounds too much like my marriage. I hope you can find a way to be happy. Your kids will appreciate that are doing it for them, but perhaps they would rather that you be happy.

Thank you Zaaphod. I appreciate your kind words.^^

Kinda of Asian type marriage.I've heard this kind of marriage happened a lot.

I see. Thanks Slund.^^

Hope things will turn better for you.

My kids, like any other, are smart and can tell something is not right between us.

I've had some basic discussions with them about it and explained that it's true dad and mom don't get along too well, but we both love them and think it's best that we stay together for their convenience and to avoid too much "turbulence" in their lives.

I have explained to them, in no uncertain terms, that every relationship is different and just because mom and I don't get along, doesn't mean they won't enjoy the most wonderful, loving and warm relationships in their lives.

My kids and I have fantastic relationships. We have fun, share secrets, go on trips - their childhood is really not too bad compared to many of their friends whose parents are divorced. Some of the kids have "double lockers" at school - they have a bag for "dad days" and a bag for "mom days". Kind of sad, if you ask me.

Maybe in all of this, I am hoping to teach my children that as an adult, I have realized there are things bigger and more important than me. That would be them.

My children apparently knows there's wrong with their parents' relationship as couple. But before they can think of something they can't take or understand, I feed them details on how they should be with their attitudes with communications and rules around the house and to follow what was told them. And every good thing will follow to them. Although it doesn't go perfectly well, I talk to them a lot and pour out my thoughts. Their father is not a perfect man but is the man and the provider of the house, and I am the mother whom they can't do without.^^ It's nice to find like-minded post just like today. You're story is an inspiration. Thank you for sharing them to me on here. You children are blessed to have you as their father.

Thanks. Have a great day.

LadyR.... I don't think I have seen this story before today. I am sorry that this is such a tough situation for you. I agree with Damsel: I absolutely commend you for putting your children first and making an effort to be civil to one another.

I hope you find your answer. I know it's not going to be an easy road. Hugs....

So sweet of you Ruby. I'm confident that I'm on the right track with some, with as far as my kids are my motivation. They help me grow to be an adult.

I hope you can find domestic happiness at some point in your life. But one positive thing - at least you both agree that the children are the main priority. Some couples don't even have that

Oh shucks!! Thanks Damsel^^. You're right! To date, we just talk about the kids daily need, who's going and doing much with spare times, or who's going to pick who after school and so on and so forth. We neither talk about money. I have my own bank account. And he gladly offer to change my car tire. lucky me!

When I read this my mind tells me its time. But in my situation I think maybe I stay because she feeds me just enough hope to keep me around. So sad we get used to serve their needs. " I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to have you either"

OMM what you've written is so true. We can also learn and benifit from compromising. I am certain that my husband and I reached a certain point that words are no longer needed, arguments or fight, strong emotions neither works to convey what's inside. After all the years, we've learnt to just accept the fact about our marriage. And intend to keep it that way. Maintain peace in front of the many. I try. I have to, for my kids.

Man, we are living the same life! I do everything she asks, i made the changes she wanted and she continues to sleep in the guest room. I think she has issues with her now deceased biological Father from whom she was estranged and is projecting on to me.

Aww that is so depressing to read that a lovely person such as your self is just being used,here you have gave him some kids and he would rather sleep in the room miles away from you.

Thanks Keith. But I'm getting used to it, looking forward to a more productive day than focusing on things I'm not comfortable with. I value my time with my kids, more than anything. And it is what makes me going.^^

Well hats of to you for being a bigger person than he is.

LR, I was married to the same woman for 35 years, our marriage just ran out of gas, there was no fighting or cheating, we just grew apart. We were still friends but just room mates.

I took a job in Arizona and never went back, our kids were grown and on their own so there no issues there. I see my X, kids and grand kids several times a year, we seem to get along better now than when we were married.

I enjoy being single and living alone.

Good for you Jack. I'm not sure what the future would bring me, but looking forward for a happy one.

I wish all the best for you, yes, be happy.

Unfortunately, marriage is not a normal thing to do. Is it normal that so many people are unhappy? Marriage in this world is created as a business. What I'm saying is it's all about what the other person has, not who they really are. Being single has far less pain than what unhappy marriages produce...don't get married again.

Agreed. Never to marry again. LOL! Nah, seriously I'm with you, "marriage" is not always the answer for happiness. =))

Thanks for the response. I understand why people marry, but It seems that marriage is causing so much destruction in people's lives. I don't know what the answer is, but being single is great. I've been married, so.....been there, done that.

Likewise thanks for the comment. :))

if i didn't know better, i would think this is my story! my marriage sounds just how you described it..the only difference is we don't have to worry about kids having issues with the marriage.. another thing is i would feel guilty for leaving because i really believe he would commit suicide...but yet i am pretty miserable

I feel sorry that it's happening to you. I can relate. I just left him twice, and his life was like a useless one. And felt guilty for my kids. Thanks Flipnout for reading and writting in, sharing them to me.

youre welcome..stay strong

Yes....majority of wedded lives <br />
turn banal with - IRRECONCILABLE<br />
INCOMPATIBILITIES....dear.... and<br />
the cycle goes on...and on and on......endlessly....<br />
and sadly too............<br />

Right! Though I no longer have the clue nor care for the reason for my case was. hehe

WOW!You two are not doing your kids a favor. I would 1 get help or two call it what it is...... Over, Life is to short to be misserable . Why live this way. So are you waiting on him to say it's over or is he waitng on you ? Kids are smarter than you think and they diserve better than what you think your giving them. Love yourself,your kids, and your husband enough to make a choice..... For the better whatever your choice is.

Thanks Med. I also hope for the better for everyone inspite of my choice is, or would be. I just can't further to saying things yet, since it is still far the future. But I believe everyone deserves to be happy.^^

It has almost all been said. Just I can understand your life. You will know the right time to exit. Understanding your situation doesn't mean that I know all about you. It just means we have one common life event.

You're right, I know the right time to exit.=)) Thanks again RG.

I've read all the responses and they sure sound sincere and, I hope, helpful. I'm sad for you but you've reminded me how grateful those of us with good marriages should be. Sometimes we take that for granted. Next month is our 25th...the best 25 years of my life.

Wow! I wonder how good marriage is. I wonder how it is to be sitting beside someone, growing old together, laughing and eating good foods. Anways. . . Thanks for sharing your thoughts. And Happy 25th Anniversary.

Thanks for reminding me how lucky I am and thanks too for the good wishes for our anniversary.

A book that I've found _extremely_ helpful in improving my relationship is "Difficult Conversations" ... it's ostensibly a business book about how to handle tough situations at work, but the principles are universal in that the roots of conflict spring from the same causes/miscommunications no matter what the context.<br />
<br />
Check out Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most by Douglas Stone<br />
<br />
(not sure if EP is going to allow the link, but it comes up easily on Google)

Thanks Sumnerkagan.^^

Here's my $0.02 on the subject. I was in the same boat as you. The children do feel the bad vibe, my son certainly did. When we split up, it was hard on him for sure, but now he has 2 parents that are in happy relationships, and he couldn't be happier. I met a fantastic woman, and she is everything I've ever wanted and more. And my ex met a man that is making her happy as well. We share custody 50/50. I thought it would be hard on me at first, and it was, but it doesn't last long, you do get into the rhythm fairly quickly. <br />
<br />
Moral of my story, don't deny yourself happiness, go and find it and let the chips fall where they may. No matter how you might believe that you are giving the kids a stable environment, you really aren't. Kids need to be happy, and they need to have 2 happy people to share that with. My son now has 4 happy people to share that with, so from his standpoint, he's always in a happy environment. The added side bonus is that every second week, we have alone time. While that's not the ideal situation, it is nice to have that one on one time with the one you love. And She also has a son that is with us every second week, so we made sure that both boys are with us at the same time. It's great, I'm very happy with the way things are, and no longer poisoning myself in a bad relationship for the sake of my son. <br />
<br />
Go out there, find someone that lights your fire again, someone that makes you feel younger again, it IS out there. Seize the day! Stop parking your happiness for the day when you'll be able to spring free and live, do it now. You will be SHOCKED how the kids will spring back from this, they are more understanding than we give them credit for. Honest to god, it's not that bad, you'll see.<br />
<br />
Peace, and I hope you get your life back, and find that certain someone who will make you feel alive and wanted again.<br />
<br />

$0.02 ? What's that? JK^-^ Thanks Don. I have been rewarded of quite good supports and words to ponder ever since I posted this story. Just like you with the rest here with their good comments, I'm taking it all to the positive side. And your story is indeed an enlightment. One day maybe I could share something about the good good side of my/this story. Thanks for sharing yours.^^

Oh there's so much more out there, if you need to talk to someone that's been through it (In the last 3 years) then by all means, message away.

Hi there,<br />
You are definitely not alone. I feel for your situation because it sounds like you have younger ones still at home. <br />
Ours is almost out of home, not sure what will happen then. It's sure a terrible place to be, isn't it ? <br />
I never thought I would say that I am sick of being married

Thank you for reading. I live with my kids and after they can be seen responsible for themselves, then I can proceed for my own happiness.

this is such a sad story. I've been there. If you've exhausted corrective measures, i know you know whats going to happen. Life is too short to live without a loving partner in my humble opinion. Im now with a woman who loves me for me. I can say I miss my daughter terribly, thats putting it mildly. That to me is the most difficult part of all. I hope your way.

Thank you for sharing you story. A wonderful and you look younger.

I know you pain. I am living in a marriage that is a marriage by definition only. It's more of a room mate situation. We do sleep in the same bed but only for the facade of a marriage. There has been no intimacy in over 3 years. I started working longer and longer hours to avoid being in the house when anyone was awake. She has already told me that when my youngest goes to college we will go our separate ways. But as luck has it my youngest decided to go to a local college. Now I don't know where I stand. This is no way to live. I cherish any time I can have at home alone. I love when she goes out of state to visit her mother. Oh how I wish she would just decide to move closer to her mother. But why would she she has the best of both worlds.

Thank you fro sharing your experience JL. I appreciate it.

Too many bad relationships out there in the world, just plain *** too many

Yay! you said it.

Hi ladyryan,<br />
I feel like I'm living part of your story except I can take care of myself. ;)<br />
My wife and I are together for the kids, we sleep in different rooms and communication is confined to financial issues or the kids. Oh, and the yelling and name calling, I don't want to forget that. <br />
I like EP, just knowing you're not alone and talking to new people who understand is nice. <br />
Something else I've noticed is there are quite a few people, like yourself, who want a real loving relationship but are stuck in a bad relationship with someone who doesn't want it. How did this happen to us? <br />
Well, anyway, I wanted to say hello and I hope you find happiness in your life even if it's in bits and pieces. You deserve to be happy.

Thank you for reading my story Trying617. And thank you also for the warm words sent.

Wow, heartbreaking and honest.<br />
My heart goes out to you.

Thank you Sacron.

I am not nor have ever been married so I hesitated to comment but I do have some experience speaking from a childs point of view. <br />
<br />
Throughout my entire childhood I saw my mother live with a man she loved at first but found out in the process of time lacked the qualities of a good husband, let alone a good person. Living with a person she had less in common with, someone who did not share the same passions. This was a great hinderance to her happiness and growth as a person. I saw all this growing up, even told her to leave him at about 5 years of age, I know smart kid. Ha ha... <br />
<br />
Anyway she finally left him after just over two decades of marriage (what is up with that number and divorce?) and I was extremely happy for her. Its been about 2-3 years now, she's finally managed to do her degree, now wants to do a masters (crazy womans more learned than me), is mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually healthier than ever and even financially more stable. She is the master of her own destiny. Yes I know it would be nice to have a partner but sometimes a partner is more of a ball and chain than a helper.<br />
<br />
I used to struggle to understand why my brothers did not support my mothers decision as strongly as I did. It seemed as though I was the only one that was extremely vexed at how he treated my mother. I learned something from this. Firstly, mothers and fathers have favourites, people dont like to say it but I think its true, sometimes its a very slight favour but its favour nonetheless. Children love their parents differently. It appears as though I love my mother more than my brothers do. I could give several reasons why I believe this to be true but I wont get into that now. Why am I mentioning this? I learnt that SOME CHILDREN ARE SELFISH. Yes, SELFISH. Choosing that their mother should stay in an unhappy marriage for their own SELFISH desires. My brother has displayed his selfish behaviour on numerous occasions. When my mother wanted to leave my dad the first thing he thought is what impact that would have on him. So what am I driving at? I think it is suicide to listen to your children for marital advice. I even chuckled at the thought. Sometimes you have to do what is right for you. The kids may not see the benefit of it now but they will probably understand later. If they dont then boy, they've got their own lives to live and their own mistakes to make. <br />
<br />
My point is you cannot always continue to live for other people, not even your children at times. Read what Angie29 said about her oldest daughter. Her daughter begged her to stay, but as soon as she was sorted she left and did not look back, maybe she feared she would turn into a pillar of salt or something. Either way there is no logical explanation for this other than the obvious, she simply does not care. She only cared when there was something to gain. Its sad but thats just the way it is.<br />
<br />
I think I have said enough. I hope you find a solution to your situation. I wish you all the best.<br />
<br />
Love<br />
<br />

Thank you Scorp. I am impressed how you can see your mother's sacrifices, her loyalty to her children. Seem you have in great command with your dealings in life, you express them.
so rich.

My mother and I are very close. We are like friends now and we often learn from each other, she even told me so to my surprise. I know I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for her. Sometimes your children can really give you strength to go through life, maybe you need to speak to your children as opposed to assuming that they will not understand. They just might surprise you. In any case, you'll never know unless you try.

wow scorpio i wish my son had the same insight towards his mother, that you do ... you have a lot of insght for ur age ... it will help you through out life reading ur point of views

Hey gypsyblu. Thank you for the compliment. I am sorry that your son does not/ cannot see your plight in your situation. It is a terrible realisation to have to come to, learning that the child that you so dearly love cannot relate to you or your struggles. It hurts when the people closest to us do not understand us. I can certainly relate to that.

1 More Response

Seems like you treat him more like his mother than his wife. Try being his wife then maybe he'll start treating you like one. If you have your own source of money and don't need his why do you fight about money? Trust me this man can live without you...but you need each other

I don't need his money, but I think it's only fair to ask him, to be honest and know everything what's going on. Thank you for your comments. I'm not sure about your situation but I think it's a lot different in some aspect. I guess I've answered your queeries the best I can. Now if you'd excuse me, I've got PMs to read/ans. If you feel like talking or asking for more. My PM is set accessible to not-friends yet.

Let's look at this from a man's veiwpoint shall we? Obviously neither side wants this to be fixed and that's the real problem. Others in here have asked you to take the initaitive to do that but you won't. That's the typical answer you will get out of a woman; just deal with a broken relationship and make the man do everything. Women don't have to in our society, all women have to do is play the divorce card, opt out and their problems end. They don't have to work, just lounge around waiting for the next check to come in the mail. Why don't you try to be a wife for a change, that will probably shock the hell out of your husband. Naaaa, I guess it's better being miserable...

JB02157. . . first I want to thank you for reading and writing in your comment. And second, I left him twice. He asked me to go back, twice. I tried to be a wife for him, gave him two children. I left him, the third time (brought my with the kids with me). The kids can't take it. And so is the father. Actually I can no longer take the cries of the children whenever they're being reminded that their father is alone doing everything for himself. So we went back. Lived together. I did everything, but turns out his been even more abusive (verbally) than ever. I never recieve money from him. He let me see the paycheck but never have the money. Haven't seen that check for the last last 19 years of our marriage. I'm not miserable, because he can't live with out me. He is the one who'd be miserable. He can't cook, he can't manage a weeks budget. His room is a mess without me cleaning it up for him. He can't even decide for the smallest thing for himself. He's life can be totally useless without me. He's got the money, but he can't think of a decent meal for himself. We have separate accounts. I never bother or question his expenditures with friends. I'm the best wife he can ever live with. I hate dragging financial issues, so I thought of separating my personal needs, from meds to the smallest thing.I ahve my own source. And that is why I kept my head up, because I know I can be alone and have a happy life, but I know he needs me as a wife and a mother to his children, that I have chosen to staywith him. I really hate fighting about money, I feel worst. Since he never showed it to me since day one, I never tried asking.

I feel for you I know how it feels My ex wife and I had different bedrooms the last 3 years of our marrage. I am happier not being stuck in that marrage.

Thank you Woody for sharing them to me. Sorry about your marriage. I also believe things some things works well, in the end after all.

A sad situation indeed, it is a difficult choice indeed whether to stay together or not.

Thank you for reading and for your kind words. Yes, a sad situation. Yet just writing it down here really makes a big difference for me. A source of relief.

I dont know how old your kids are, but when they are little, they are so innocent - you could not possibly imagine doing anyhting that might hurt or upset them, why should they pay for the mistakes and choices we make.

A little off topic there - apologies

Clearly, everyone has to make their own choices. But it seems to me that staying in a marriage with a man you do not love is doing no one any good... especially the children! When my wife and I finally separated, the reaction of our (now adult) children was, "It's about time." They could see that we didn't love each other, at least not the way a husband and wife should, and staying together was a disservice to them.

I believe you. In every situation, and as far as I could, I take priority of what my children feels. Thanks for sharing comment/story to me. I appreciate them.

This really shows your love for your kids, continuing in a marriage that is not working for the adults involved. I agree that kids should be brought up in a family where there is sense of belongingness. Do you think talking to a family counsellor would help make things a little better ?

Thank you Dillan. My kids are the most wonderful people in my life.
Yes, it would help, even a little better.

Sorry to hear about your family problems. Its really hard when families break down, most of the time there is no real reason. I lived with my daughters mum for 5 years and was really happy to begin with. Sadly, when my daughter was born she was left with cerebral palsy due to complications at birth. We both spoilt her and gave all our energy to help her. This went on for years giving her all the attention we could without realising that we had slowly drifted apart from eachother. The last 2 years was completely sexless although we still slept in the same bed. Its a really strange feeling when you drift apart from someone you once loved. You cant even give a reason for leaving other than I just dont love you anymore. Many couples make the same mistakes when they have children. Simply just forgetting to give eachother any attention soon kills any relationship in time. Im glad I left and made a new start and have never looked back. I even carried on going round after work to say goodnight to my daughter for months untill I thought she had got used to me not being there. I still care about my ex but she is more like a sister to me now lol. We spend every christmas together to give my daughter some kind of normality. You will know yourself in your heart if you have made the right decision.

I absolutely agree Mark. . . it's only me who can know or tell wether I made the right or wrong decision. And I'm neither apt to blame anyone also. Thanks Mark.

Your welcome ladyryan, if you ever fancy a chat about anything please feel free.

I understand your situation Ryan and I commend you on staying together for your children. It is hard on you both to stay together but for the children's sake it is worth it. I know they will see the strain on you both but in the end they will have a better understanding of what it means to be committed. Divorce is so hard on children. If it weren't for the children it would be a lot easier to say " you know this just isn't working out. we need to get a divorce" and be done with it. A lot easier to say "goodbye" than to be horribly torn apart by seeing what the children go through each time visitation comes around.<br />
I am in a similar situation. I won't leave/divorce because of children. We're more like room mates than husband and wife. Sad things have progressed like this over the years but it has. Slowly it changes not all at once. No one has to live your life but you. It's so easy for someone to tell you to just divorce him. A lot easier to give advice than to live though it yourself. Each situation is different. Stay strong for the children. I know you love them so much. My heart goes out to you and your children.

Thanks Pal. Thanks for the kind words of advice. I deeply appreciate them. And sorry you're also in a tight situation as mine.

Wow, This sounds so familar! My first wife and I stayed together for the kids. She just plain told me she did not like me touching her anymore, so I lived in the guest bedroom for 15 yrs. As far as being civil for the kids, she tried, but she also cannot stand to not get her way, and when I was denied an intimate relationship, I was no longer very cooperative on some of the crap she wanted done.<br />
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Would love to offer advice, but that is ill advised, since ever marriage is different. The dynamics are similar but yet very different I am sure. My two son's grew up to be good men. I am not sure that would have happened if I had left to be "Happy". If your interested I can tell you someday about the rest of the story. Good Luck, and never doubt your doing right by your kids, it may not be perfect, but if the two of you are not constantly fighting, then all is good!

It's good to know I'm not the only one who has spent 15 years in the spare room!

Thank you Irish. You have all my respect. Though our story runs quite similar, I always feel you have been in the right side of the issue (from your stories). And I always admire your positive outlooks how you dealt as. Thanks for your story.

@Inspector thanks for your contribution. Sharing a part of you here.

i have the same as you sometimes.only her point of veiw that counts.<br />
we almost never agree on anything.i have given her all i can <br />
and anything i have i worked for myself.she is jealous of my singing <br />
and wen i go out even though i have asked her to come with me.

That's sad TW, I hope you can still find consolations to things you enjoy about her. I do that with my situation, my children makes the difference.

I do feel for you - I am finally getting out of a 20 year loveless marriage that I stayed in for the sake of my now 19 year old son. I didn't really have the advantage you have with being with a best friend, we just drifted further and further apart. In the end I could not take it any longer.<br />
<br />
You can read my story and see how it ended - well almost the divorce is in progress but not completed

Well, Inspector you need a recommendation. A position that would make out for a 20 long years of service. You deserve to be honored. Just let me know how the progress is taking. (teehee)

Be honest with each other - if you both want it to work, go talk to someone together. Lots of places to get free advice out there from trained counselors. If either of you doesn't want it to work, its time to find happiness.

I agree Swl2jo. There is no room left for reconcialliation. We are both actually in the process of just accepting our marriage to be destiny. Just keeping it all calm and easy for the children's sake. Thanks for your comment.

He needs you as a partner in life. Thats a positive sign I see. Do you?<br />
Is there no way there could be a truce between you two? Have you tried to understand why he behaves in a manner he is doing? There could be some things that you could change in yourself which he may like and accordingly he will also take that step forward. <br />
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I am sure you must have already given your best shot to better the relationship. I am just attempting to check if theres something which you may not have thought and done which hopefully could bring your relationship back to track.

As a friend, I'm his best friend. I can keep secrets and a great supporter cheering for your dreams. As a lover, I can be the dominant or submissive when ever your mood calls for it.
At home, I love cooking for my kids. . . seeing their faces brighten up as they give compliment for a meal never been tried before and went to perfect to their taste. NV thanks for the warm thoughtful thoughts for my story. Appreciated.

I say that sometimes staying together for the sake of the kids can be worse than separating. Meanwhile you are depriving yourself of 1- a more healthy relationship, 2- fun be4 death, 3- flirting with the boys as beautiful as you are and let’s not forget...The vibes in the house have a direct effect on the kid’s emotional development...

Amen to that HedoZen.
Puttin' on that redwine lipstick, with the touch of that sexy/seductive perfume. . . and I'm ready to GO ! Thanks Hedo !

*Clicking Like*

I couldn't agree more.

What’s the update on the redwine lipstick that glued on the men’s shirts you kissed after taking this decision? Gosh girl how many boyz u kissed?

1 More Response

Hi Ladyryan... I could reflect on your words. I live in a similar situation and cannot have a simple conversation with my partner without sparking a debate on the topic. I usually admit defeat just to not keep debating. Why is it that people with such different temperaments, attitudes, likes and passion for life get paired together in a bondage that is hard to break...? I wonder many times about how to improve the situation, but I see no light at the end of the tunnel. We are just very different people.

Being civil to each other would be the last draw to keep two people from falling apart. I cry my heart out when I fail to be. Thank you for sharing them to me here Criss.

I feel for you as I am going through a similar situation with my wife

BBJAE I hope you find enlightment to your situation. We all have our choice to make from our prevailing situation, some have chosen to make few sacrifices just to be with their children.

Trust me, I definitely understand 110%. Im suffering in a 23 year marriage too. Different bedrooms and no communication and very different upbringing and values. He has fordge my signature in the mortgage, gambled money, done nothing for my kids and is very boring and lazy and calls me names.I stay cause I dedicated my life to my kids and not working and my daughter knows her father is bad but begs me to stay till she finishes college. It's extremely hard as I am alone and not have any friends because either my husband wouldnt get along with my friends husband or my kids didnt get along with my friends kids. But was it all worth it???? My older daughter left three years ago and doesnt care but my younger one has been through alot and begs me to stay to have a home. Its killing me and I am depressed all the time.

Angie, I am fairly aware that someone out there is suffering more than I am. And reading your story feel the load, the burden you are having to go with everyday. My heart is with you.
My mother left us 3x , because she couldn't bear my father's attitudes. I am the eldest. And during those days she was away, I felt alone. Felt afraid and lonely. How can I keep up with my studies and with my 3 sisters. My father during those days we're having difficulties with his job.
But I felt that my mother has to do what she fits doing for her own. I don't blame her. Even today. But then she came back because she felt that we need her. More than anyone else she thought that she needs to stick with us as our mother. And was glad she did. She did for three times and came back three times. She knows we need her.
We can never tell what's instore for us out there. But we'll still find our hearts would be there to the person who needs us as their parents.

I am so sorry you are going through this. It is all too similar to my own situation.

Thank you MB for reading. I love my kids. Ofcourse I know he loves them and would hurt him alot if I insists with ideals.

I am sorry you are going through this , yet I can understand Ive been in your shoes once.

Thank you Oceansand for reading and sharing your thoughts.