Here I Go Again

I will admit that I am bad at being married.... This is round three and this time he has got to be the worst. There have been no repeats of the Ike and Tina event but as time goes on I seem to be getting better at preventing an argument. Am I still in love with him? No. Do I still enjoy sex with him? No. Yet as he puts it I am still here, he does not hold me down to be here he leaves by 730 every morning, and every day I stay. I stay because I am waiting to find a better job so that when I do leave I can support myself, I stay because my daughter who has had to move all over the country with me is settled, I stay because if I leave what will my life become. I will go back to living in one room with my daughter at mom's place, I will have no job , no car, and not any better off then i was when I left there. I stay because I don't want to be on county aid again. I stay because here is better than what is out there for me. Why do you stay???
JYB1978 JYB1978
26-30, F
5 Responses Apr 12, 2007

You're right: it's easier to hand out advice than it is to look at your own situation. I should know. I've been married 35 years. The last 5 have been terrible. So here's the question: Do I count the 30 good years? At 54 with a very low paying job, how can I afford to leave? Where would I go? Yet both my sisters, one older and one younger, are in their 50's and are living alone. I should find strength in that but I don't. I have a fear of living the next 30 years by myself. Just to make it worse, I do love the idiot. You have a plan. It's hard to stick to it because you're sacrificing yourself. Doesn't help that he seems to almost gloat that you stay. Hang in, when the time is right you'll know.

I'm in the same position and i ask myself everyday why did i do this to myself? <br />
I hope you can get that better job so you and your daughter can leave.


I agree with skylightangel. I can see where it is so completely clear that a relationship or marriage is not worth staying in. Do your best to get out of that because you still have many more good years and great things to give to others.<br />
<br />
And by the way, I still stay too... *sigh* He's not awful. He doesn't beat me. It's complicated.

It is so not worth staying.... funny thing is, when I read or hear about others, I'm so clear that they should leave... and yet here I am .... still living with the guy.... its funny.... but u need to get financially stable and walk out if u want to ever respect yourself again (am sure u don't now - I don't respect myself right now)