I Never Realized It Would Be Such a Big MistakeI live in India, where arranged marriages are the norm. But a lot of people (like my 2 sisters) find their own mates, and marry them. So if u fall in love, you marry your lover, else mom and dad find you a husband.
My situation was so weird; and now I think how stupid I was. But let me begin at the beginning... I am (was?) an attractive, sexy young girl. I remember being a diehard romantic. Ever since I hit teenage, all I ever wanted to do in life was get married. However, the first few guys I dated - didn't work out. There were a couple of relationships with potential, but at that time I thought I should break up because the guy was taking me for granted or something like that. Then, I fell in love with someone who was already seeing someone else.... obviously that was a mistake. After he got married, I decided to gather my life and get back on track.
We identified someone that we all thought was a nice guy. I should have heeded to the signs earlier, but at that time I was so committed, that I thought we could work around all obstacles. What I did not realize then was that he did not feel as committed to making things work, as me. We are like the most incompatible could ever. Among other things that did not work; was the sexual compatibility. There was simply no chemistry. No matter what he did and how, he never even got me aroused. At that time, I did have a little nagging doubt, but I thought that if I teach him lovingly, he will learn. How wrong I was.
Also, at that time my rapport with my parents was very different. They are reserved, conservative people. I could not walk upto them and say, "hey! There seems to be a problem. You see, I slept with this guy even though the marriage is months away, and i find that we are physically incompatible." I felt it was impossible to discuss my sex life with my conservative and very reserved parents. If only I knew that years later I would be telling them details about it!
It was a mistake - a huge one. Since seven years its been a saga of abuse, fighting - everything that could go wrong, did go wrong.
Twice he ruptured my eardrum when he hit me. He has throttled me when I was pregnant, (because I was tired of nursing the first baby), he has given me a black eye, hit me on the head so many times that I was dizzy for a week.... But even just leaving aside all the abuse, this relationship has left a huge emotional void in my life.
The guy simply does not know how to be romantic - to nurture emotionally - worst thing is - he does not care about learning. So here I am, stuck in this relationship. At 33, I know that if I walk out, I still can find someone who might be compatible - but the kids... and finances... I guess these are the top reasons for wives feeling stuck and not leaving. I'll tell more later...