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Is It Really Going to Get Better?

I keep oscillating between wanting to get out of the marriage; and trying to carry on. Deep in my heart I know that if I leave, I'll feel liberated and ecstatic. But the reality is that the kids will be shattered. Another reality is that maybe the marriage can be worked upon.
Till now, I was the only one struggling to try and make this more than a transactional relationship. I wanted this marriage to either "shape up or ship out". I know that a lot of people continue in transactional relationships all their lives - and are ok with it. But me, I couldn't be happy - I've been called a negative thinker because of it - but every morning and every night - the first and last thought in my mind used to be, "So, why am I still here?"....
And the answer was always - the kids - not only would their standard of living go down - the financial difficulties were only part of the reason I was still with him... but they truly love their dad... to live without either parent would be horrible and inconceivable for them....
But now I see some hope.... the indifferent husband has decided that he also wants the marriage to work... to have a genuine, intimate relationship - instead of just a power-based one (where he's boss and v r all subordinates)... So if he's trying - what the heck.... I can give the marriage a chance.
After all, I dragged through the seven worst years of my life... it can only get better now that he's not constantly getting us into debt and is committed to making this a truly happy family. Wish me luck!
skylightangel skylightangel 31-35, F 6 Responses May 23, 2007

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I really could have written this myself, except the part where he wants to work things out. I also stay because I don't trust him alone with the kids (temper and drinking). I wish to escape. If I knoew my kids would be safe during his part of custody, I'd be so out of here! Good luck!

Oh! i m too late but i wish You all to be too happy !!

Good luck to U . If u feel that things are turning around , be cautious never to make any fuss or mistake with your expressions or behaviour. Do not care for his small errors, gulp down some of his ego, make him feel u really care. As u r a housewife , be the best in your arena. We can change things only when we put in our best efforts & expect very little from others.



Bye

Hi there,

I wish you all the best. Your story touched me.



Hug x

All is not lost and I commend you on trying to save your marriage as long as there is no abuse happening between you. I also had a marriage similar to yours for 4 years, was getting ready to throw in the towel this past winter. I too thought 'why am I still here?" but amazingly, we worked it out and things have been getting better and better for the last couple of months. A lot of people on this site helped me, gave me advice, and just listened. I will always be thankful for that.

I do wish you luck but I seriously doubt he will change. I would advise you to get an attorney and do all you can to protect your kids. you have rights. You do not have to stay in an abusive situation. .... good luck.....