My Husband Went the Cheap Route...

and is emotionally and psychologically divorced from me.  We don't have a normal relationship, though my husband insists that it is and to just "deal with it".  We don't share a bed anymore and our usual conversations are limited to the household.  No exchanges of verbal or physical affections.  It is loveless, and while I've asked if my husband really wants to be with me - his response is that he wouldn't go through all the trouble of our house chores for anybody else and that should suffice, because marriage is a business deal and that other people would agree.

I'm staying in this relationship because we have a son together and financially - I'm crippled.  This is my husband's second marriage and my first.  Like any other fool in love - while investing myself emotionally - I did with my finances as well.  During my husband's on and off again work status - my measly wages are stable and not only contributed to our own household - but to the welfare of his ex-wife and kids.  There were very rough times and my credit's been destroyed with a repossession and charged-off accounts when we needed to make sure we had a roof, food and health insurance for ourselves and his kids, during the months that we were both out of work when I was placed on and off again for disability.

He manages a higher salary due to a Bachelor's Degree for the jobs he lands while I am struggling up the corporate ladder from my feeble admin beginnings.  I wouldn't be able to afford to live on my own - knowing I'll be paying out of my *** because of my ruined credit, as well as being able to afford daycare because I can't count on my husband being able to support 3 households.

My husband has admitted that he doesn't love me the way that I need to and has promised that his affections for me would get better.  I would believe it, but my physical/verbal attempts at love would get shot down and we would go back down "I do chores" road again.  Can I survive, tricking myself into believing that when my husband waters the lawn that it's an act of love?  Or is he tricking me, worried about the headaches of another divorce? Or is he lying to himself too?

weepingwillow weepingwillow
26-30, F
2 Responses Jun 24, 2007

*HUGS*<br />
Although this isn't my experience, there does seem to be a lot of information and thoughts in the 'Sexless Marriage' groups here on EP although obviously that's not what you are saying, bear with me - there is quite a lot of stuff about problems with marriages/relationships. <br />
Good luck and take care.

I don't know if what I am about to share can really be of any benefit, but I guess I want to share so you know you're not alone:<br />
My husband of 16 months just told me this weekend, that after seeing me give birth to our son, he doesn't feel "the same" (his words) about me, and isn't attracted to me anymore. He isn't in love with me anymore either, but says he isn't a quitter and won't consider divorce, or even a separation. I also supported him for some time during our relationship and when he became the sole breadwinner, my credit went into the ******* as I used it to keep us alive while he spent his money on cigarettes and whatever else he felt like spending it on. And he expects me to be a stay-at-home Mom. I feel trapped, unloved and used. Like what you wrote, my husband has asked me to give him some time to let the way he used to feel for me come back. I am not willing to wait for very long, however (I'm 27 and anxious to feel alive again). Kind of sounds like you might be feeling the same way. I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you. I hope you can find the strength again to feel like a worthy human being, because you are.