Fall For Someone Is Always A Crime

Me,always love to be with the person I love most like my mom,my little sister or my boyfriend.Infront of  them  I was always demanding,too much pampered.But now my life has became a hell.though it was truely my fault but still !!!!.Anywayz I had almost a10 yrs relationship which i broke up in last year.I was very dependent on that relation and kinda used to of him.but after 5 yrs of our relation that person went for his higher studies to abroad and i went to another city alone  for my educational purpose.then it started ..struggling life without him,mom...all unknown,wnwanted,unexpected occurance.He loved me bt I felt something ws changing inside me..time passed..he came after every 6 months .but i losted the spark,charm and interest.Every time when he came I tried my best to make our relation normal but the moment I made it normal he had gone for his next semester.One day all of a sudden ,a guy named  "I" came who was from my university and gave me a caring sharing feeling.He texted me whole day but I wsnt interested.Then one day I thought there is  nothing bad in makeing friend. On the other hand,he was brilliant,good looking and very caring so I liked him,guess fell for him when my boy friend was in abroad....I  told him about my feeling and suddenly he walk away. He said,he  had a girl friend.Where I losted all my feeeling for my boy friend and told my boy friend  I liked some one else.But,after everything,my boy friend  kept trying for the relation and i kept losting my emotions.I was in a very vulnerable situation  cz I broke up with my X and the person i liked  dumped me and was totall shattered .I was trying to keep myself alone from the crowd where my X ws still trying and i kept ignoring bt seeing sometimes when he came as he was my neighbour too and our family really wanted us to be togather. After one or two years of that incident...I met a boy named..'N'I liked him bt that wasnt love.I was alone and he had a good heart.I told him everything ..No hide & seek..nothing...after one or two days i got to know he loved me ...and there is no chances of friendship in between us bt I kept talking to him cz i liked to talk and i was also gettin the vibe that may be I am liking him.At that moment the person who dumped me came back and trying to poke me for getting back with him.I was confused as he cheated on me.So the situation was..------ My X boy friend was kept trying for saving the relation,the person who left me came back  whom I loved most and there is a  person who loved me like hell Mr N and I was enough comfotable with "N".After a lot of fight with my family and everyone, I decided to live with Mr.'N'..the person who loved me after everything and with me ...2 years have passed ..My mom doesnt talk with me,my lifestyle has chyanged cz I have got no finacial support from my parents.I am doing a job but "N" is still studing Btw I forget to tell he is 2.5 yrs younger than me.Finally. Now .we fight every other day,we break up every other day,we dont talk and see each other ....I cant take this pain any more..I want to leave him but I realy love him..I want to be with him but his parents wont allow us and he is unemployed.I dont want to go back bt I always compare him with my 1st boyfriend cz though I left him I do respect him a lot.....I never wanted my life like this and got the realization fall for someone or anyone or loveing some one is alcrime.
akaashnila akaashnila
22-25
May 21, 2012