Just Friends...

I have been "friends" with the guy for over a year. We spend almost every day we have off of work together and even the weekdays on the rare occasion we work the same shift. We do things every couples does. Go out with each others friends, movies, dinners out and in, nights just watching tv, he has helped me do so much around my house I can't describe it (without me even asking), and even taught me how to shoot. We don't always have sex, we just spend a lot of time together but he still won't even make the "girlfriend/boyfriend" commitment and I don't know what to do anymore. I love him, which scares me to death because I don't know for sure how he feels about me. The only time I brought it up was about six months ago and he said he needed time. If I couldn't deal then we had to stop "talking" so I decided to try to be patient but my patience is starting to wear out. I won't even hold my breath about hearing him say the three big words. We do so good together but eventually I'm going to have to draw the line and either he commits just a little or I walk and I really really don't want to have to walk. We have both been through divorce and apparently his ex wife was insane and his marriage/divorce was a nightmare. Mine sucked too but not as bad as his. I'm afraid to bring up THE conversation because, quite frankly I'm terrified I won't like the answer. I want to tell him to love him but I don't think it's a very good idea. Any advice would me nice. Thank You.
TheEnforcer87 TheEnforcer87
22-25, F
2 Responses Sep 10, 2012

The great guy who doesn’t want to be your committed boyfriend or husband is USELESS as a boyfriend or husband.

I am in the same situation. Although the "complicatedness" is way more in my case because we were friends, hanging out all the time while we were both still in other relationships. Then my husband passed away, a couple months later, he broke up with his girlfriend. We were estranged for a bit, considering the trauma I went through.. and I left town for awhile. But after I returned we slowly started hanging out even more and being intimate. We already had a bunch of friends in common and so we continue to do lots of activities together. And more recently we'd been having lots of sleep overs. We have been in more or less the same situation as you for the past 2 and a half months. He kept saying he doesn't want commitment. I just told him... I don't care if he calls me his girlfriend, I just want to know that he loves me like I love him. He said he doesn't. But he still cares about me and wants to be friends. WTF. I guess now is the time to walk away, but it's a hard thing to do.

PS another similarity: He also describes his ex as being kind of psycho. But I think it's a one-sided description. She wasn't that bad.. she was just pressuring him to be more loving, to have kids, etc, and she saw her as a nag.... But, in the end they had some kind of really terrible break up and now she disappeared and totally hates his guts, and I don't know the whole story why... I guess these are all kinds of bad signs for his potential as a partner...