I Had An Affair With My Friends Wife And Now She Wants To End It And I Dont Want To Go On Living.

Just over a year ago my friends wife told me she had feelings for me, she was friends with my girlfriend and we all used to go out together. We all hung out together as part of a big social group and in the months building up i noticed her flirt with me a little more then one evening she just said i love you a little bit, i smiled thinking she was joking but there was this intensity in here eyes, before I could respond our partners returned. However for the next 2 days I couldnt stop thinking about it so i called her on the third day as I knew she was away with work (the first time she had been away in almost 2 years) and I was out that night too. I asked her what she meant and said i hadnt been able to get it out of my mind. I went home that night and decided in the morning to leave it alone however we had a number of social evenings together and spent one night chatting on the phone for 2 hrs and it just snowballed from there. One month later i foolishly finished with my girlfriend not just for her but because it wasnt working and I had fallen in love and had a glimpse of what things should be like. Only after i finished with my girlfriend did we sleep together and it was f**king amazing mindblowing the best sex either of us had ever ever had. So this went on for the last year we had a number of trips away together and it felt inevitable that we would have to be together despite the consequences. However in the last 3 months the magic has slowly dissapeared as the strain on her of living a double life and the risk of getting caught has taken its toll. I now know she wont leave him as she has a child with him and knows it will break his heart to leave him for me. I can understand this because if i had a way out where i could get back with my ex i would take it but she is now 5 months pregnant and i find myself missing her so so much. I feel like a fool for getting carried away and now i live alone with very little hope for the future.

I am still so in love with the girl i had an affair with and i have to see her all the time, watch them plan there lives together, discuss holidays, buy new cars, choose schools, and add to there family. Or cut off all my friends and be even more alone. I have never experience pain like it and have noticed a big change in my personality. I wish to god i had never got involved but i cant got back and the future although will undoutedbly get better its still a million miles away from my old life with my girlfriend or the life i would want the woman i've had an affair with. I am almost tempted to tell him she's had an affair but i think he would actually kill her and she would reveal its me and then he would kill me. I feel like i just want to slowly go somewhere and die. I want to cease to exist i really do and i know thats selfish. Before i got anxious about the thought but am now very calm and relaxed about it as i have made peace with myself if chose to take that action.

I have tried so hard and am attempting to make a future for myself, I have a new girlfriend, i dont really care deepy about despite trying too, i am trying to buy a house and keeping myself fit by playing sports and going to the gym but there is this feeling that i just dont want to carry on i have nothing to offer and will be eternally full of regret. Thats a life I do not want to live hence my strong thoughts on ending it.

My advice to anyone considering having an affair would be to ask yourself what will make you happy and be realistic in your expectations. Love can make you a fool.
avb1538 avb1538
2 Responses Jan 8, 2013

It's too bad that you've ended up having to see this woman all the time after the way things have evolved. I somewhat feel that she has guarded her interests through all of this, but there's no point in taking revenge.

My advice would be to move cities and change jobs in order to effect a separation between you and your friends. With a fresh start who knows what might happen?

Love can absolutely make you a fool. Dont end your life on lost love. One thing ive learned is that love comes and goes. I have a long love history. complicated full of horrible twists and turns. I recently fell in love again. Hard, too hard. That intensity is absolutely magical. But I cant have him Cause I am married and he his not. He made the move to end it recently so that I can get my **** streight and be with him for good. Im greatful now. absoultely depressed but greatful to have someone that will do that for me. You will find that intense love again. It will come to you even if you dont want it to. life is the most amazing thing in the world and you only have this one life. Sit out in the sun at a park sometime. Watch the world go by and youll see it.