For seven months, I was in a controlling relationship. I thought I had met the man I wanted to be with always. There were red flags from the beginning, but I was so attracted to him that I ignored them. I am a teacher, and he used to get mad at me because he felt that I spent too much time thinking about my kids at school. He even admitted that he wanted me all to himself. Every month, we would get into a major argument because of something I either did (going out with friends or to a school activity) or didn't do (not drive the extra 35 miles to his house because I was too tired after work). He always said vile and mean things to me when he was mad. The last straw was this summer. I went to my parents' house in Pennsylvania for two weeks. I live in Florida. He was very upset that I was going for that long of a period. My dad hasn't been doing well, and I really wanted to spend quality time alone with my mom and dad. If the bf would have gone, I would have had to pay attention to him the entire time, or he would have been mad. Well, I didn't call him on Father's day while I was at my parents. (I am 54-years old, and he's 58). He was so angry that he ripped up pictures of us, took a photo of the torn pictures and texted me the photo with the caption "this is just the beginning." He left horrible message on my phone such as "good riddance to you," etc. He then phone and text stalked me for 6 weeks even though I told him I wanted to be left alone. I finally gave in and picked up on one of his calls. This was just a few weeks ago. He told me he had been seeking counseling. I really thought things could change. I still loved him and missed him very much. After I agreed to see him and told him I loved him, he started blowing me off. He kept breaking phone dates and then one week ago sent me a text, "It's over." He told me he no longer loved me and didn't want to be in a relationship with me. I was so devastated. I cried and sobbed uncontrollably for the past week. The night after he told me it was over, he then called me and told me he was going to the cigar bar where we used to frequent. He told me he'd meet me there. I jumped on it. He said many things that afternoon as though he thought there may be a chance for us. He called and texted me the next three days. I finally realized what he was doing a few nights ago. He called and told me he was going to go to Miami this weekend, but maybe, just maybe NEXT weekend he may want to come over to my pool to swim, but he wasn't going to "promise" me anything. How stupid was I to cling to any hope that I could be back with him. I thought about it, and I realized that he was once again in control. He never loved me. He controlled me, and he was doing it again. Last night, he called just to say hello. I told him to never call or text me again. I cried all night. I know I did the right thing, even though I miss and love him. I didn't do anything wrong. In fact, when he was in a motorcycle accident in March (he's a police officer and was injured while on duty), I spent every waking minute at the hospital for three weeks taking care of him, and he actually told me a few weeks later that I am selfish (when he was mad at me for something). For the last two weeks, all I could think about was being back with him, and all the red flags and banners seemed so insignificant. I saw a therapist tonight, and I am totally ready to move on with my life. I have learned so much from this. I am going to have a difficult time healing because I still love him, but I know he's not good for me. I think he really confused the terms "controlling" and "loving." I am sad but strong.
flpatty flpatty
56-60, F
1 Response Aug 21, 2014

I am so sorry to hear what you have been put through and commend you for getting the help that you needed. Just stay strong; you know what is best for yourself and I feel that you can do it given enough time. :) I really hope that you are happy now since I just noticed how old this post was.