Living In Two Parallel Worlds

I got married on August 13, 2007. I have been in a long distance relationship for six and a half years and both of us knew it would be a while before we lived together. We have never lived together longer than for vacations of no more than two weeks. Many people who are married tell me that I have the best of both worlds. Many days I feel that way. I'm older and set in my ways, as is my husband. Both of us have our own personal habits and ways of doing things. As grown adults entering our second marriages, we know what we want and what we don't want. Actually living apart allows us to to live in two worlds. The most difficult part of being together is sleeping. He sleeps easily, I don't. I'm a difficult sleeper and get disturbed easily. I always look forward to the end of the weekend so I can have my bed back - just me and my cat. I would like to hear from others with long distance relationships. At some point we ultimately will live together but who knows when? I have a really good job and don't want to move until I find another equally good position. But is that more important than love? Sometimes I think it is. I sometimes feel very cynical about marriage and why we did it. It feels right, we're just in parallel worlds. The scariest part is thinking that if something happened to one of us we would have wasted the precious time we have by not being with each other.
oboeamy oboeamy
51-55, F
2 Responses Jan 7, 2008

I feel the same as smorr107 sometimes. I am getting older quickly and I see my husband in person two months out of the year. He comes home every 10 weeks or so for two weeks. We have been married 21 years and apart for 7. I raised the kids alone, but when we were together I still did all the child rearing as he was always at work very early and arriving home when they were in bed. We do have a strong partnership in everything and technology has kept us married. I see him every night on skype and we email, text and talk over the webcam. Webcam is very important and I suggest getting the most expensive one you can find so you can see the person clearly. My friends think I should write a book on virtual Dads because of the stories we have lived through with the kids. Not saying it wasn't really difficult because it broke my heart when the kids were young and crying at the airport when he left. I still have guilt over causing my kids grief, not that we could do much about the separation. (long long story) Anyway, you do what you have to do.<br />
Good luck.

I am in a similar situation and had a terrible thought this evening... if we continued in the situation we are in for the next 20 years I would only see my husband for a total of 2 years :) is it really worth the sacrifice? That's a lot of years of feeling lonely. I love my husband and he loves me but if I ask him to come home he says we can't afford it. I feel my life is on hold, there is an emptiness that cannot be filled except by him. I have interests, friends, job I love but it's not the same.