Living Apart

Being apart from my husband is not anything new for me but this time is different and I am not handeling the whole situation well. He has recently retired from the military (actually he officially retires tomorrow however has been on terminal leave since October). His new job is in my home state of Michigan 2,400 miles away from where I currently am in Washington State and he has been gone now for two weeks.

When we first moved to Washington, he moved his mother here from Oregon and got her set up in an apartment about a mile away from us. and when the time came for our family to move, he was concerned about leaving her here alone as she is quite dependant upon us. She was in a lease that ended in May so he asked me to stay here until then to look out for her until her lease was up, At that time she would be moving to Nevada to live near his brother because she didn't want to live in Michigan. Already I was not happy about being seperated but I agreed because I thought it was the right thing for me to do.

Now here we are two weeks later and she magically got out of her lease and moved to Nevada two days ago. His brother came and picked her up and headed out. So here I sit stuck in Washington. To top it off, my husband is going overseas with his new job and will be in a  very dangerous place and I have absolutely no support system here. I only have one good friend here and she is totally flaking out right now because of her own family issues. She has recently started cheating on her spouse and I don't want any part of being involved in that mess so I have no choice but to take a few steps back there. Other then that I only have a few casual aquaintences.

So the problem I am dealing with now is that I am feeling angry with him. I know it really isn't his fault and that he was just trying to do the right thing by his mother but I can't help but feel like he put her needs before mine...again. This is not the first time his mother has been at the center of major issues in our marriage. She doesn't seem to have any regard for anyone but herself. In the meantime, my family has rallied to take care of him. He was going to rent an appartment but my family wouldn't hear of it. Now he is living the good life with my family, and I am alone. I shouldn't be resentful but I can't help but feel like my family has rallied to take care of him while his family screwed me over.

ldr203 ldr203
2 Responses Jan 31, 2011

Is there any reason you can't move to Michigan to be near your husband and family? Maybe I missed something in your post.

So go be with him! Why complain after only two weeks? I've been long distance in my marriage almost 2 years..and I"m alone all the time because I do temp work where I go to be from my family. My wife is with her family and taking care of the baby on her own. I just support stinks. I make money, she spends it. I have no enjoyment like I want...but I don't complain. I just deal with it because it is temporary. You have to have an endpoint to tolerate a long distance marriage. Leave his mother out of it. You can support the things he needs to do for her, but she is not your mother. He can ask, and you can say no and it shouldn't change anything. He can't expect you to say yes..but you sound like a yes that's the key issue. Say yes to what you want to do, not to what you don't!