I Need Some Advice Very Badly.......

About a year and a half ago i met a guy on a chatroom site.we talked almost everyday and began to spend a lot of time together talking for hours on end.In this process we fell in love with eachother even though we have never met.He  lives over 800 miles away from me.The  problem with this scenario is that I am in a relationship of 16yrs with the father of my three children.They both know about eachother.I have lived with this man for years and he has never asked me to marry him or has committed to quit drinking.I have been abused by him both verbally and physically and I started to fall out of love with him.and now since all of this has happened,he wants to be nice and ask me to marry him and make promises that he'll change,but it's too late.I want to be with the other guy,I do still love my children's father,but not enough to stay with him anymore.The other guy has asked me to marry him.I just don't know what to do especially because they're children involved.I am just not happy anymore.Someone please help me!!!!!!!
midnightxorchid midnightxorchid
6 Responses May 21, 2011

You need to take a step back and look at your situation. I know, that as a mom, you want to do the best thing for your children. Your first job is to get away from their father. Give your children a safe and secure home. Then allow their father the chance to earn their trust and companionship.<br />
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Give yourself a safe and secure home where you can regain some confidence and self esteem before you commit to another man. Your children need to see you take care of you. They need to see that you don't sell yourself short when it comes to men. Your actions are teaching them. Right now, they are learning about relationships from you. Are you teaching what you want them to learn? Do you want better for them? Then give yourself better.<br />
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The new guy, the one you want to go to right now...he will wait. If he actually loves you and cares about you and your children, then he will respect your needs and encourage you to put your children and your emotional well being first. Anyone who pressures you is thinking of himself only. As hard as it may be, keep your eyes open and honor your children above all else. You are their only protector and their only voice. Be the kind of person you would want them to be. They are learning who to be from you.<br />
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You can do it. You and your children are worth it. Good luck.

Hello! Arrange to disengage from the fellow You are with, since You are truly out-of-love with him (it seems). You'd still be happy if he knew what he had...but this is the crux of many such situations...being "used" to having someone around...the fire all but dies out, and You both go through the motions from memory.<br />
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The new guy You haven't met yet...CAUTION! I can tell You stories, or You can read them, et cetera ~ ad infinitum...But there is a "Certain Mystique" about falling Safely "in love" via Cyberspace...and when it comes down to The Wire...things can Change...Real Fast. And they Do, all too commonly. <br />
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Love is A Game of Fantasy, called Maya (Illusion), and Very Hard to Bring Into Focus As The REAL. What makes You think You can Achieve what others continually fail at accomplishing? "Something Didn't Work The Way I Thought It Would..."<br />
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At the Distance You are from each other, don't drop everything and Run To him...You'll likely be sorry; if not quickly, then probably soon thereafter...The Waters Need to be Tested, Somehow.<br />
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Don't Believe? You can always learn the Hard Way, of Course...<br />
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Check Each Other Out...Watch for the Little Things with the cyber guy, when he "doesn't realize You're Looking". This Will Tell You Everything You need To Know...A True Heart will Think of You First, Non-Stop...You & Your's (the kids)...Because, That is the True Heart. Be Wise...Use Your Discernment.

agree with Em18, the first thing is to leave someone who's hurting you and makes you feel bad. even if you don't end up with that other guy, just take care of yourself and distance yourself and your kids from any violent behavior and drinking problems. sort that and start being happy and if you two are ment to be, i'm sure everything will work out fine on the end. <br />
just don't stay there and do nothing couz someone who's been hurting you for a long time promisses he's gonna change (now that you could be happy without him). it never happens. or at least not if he doesn't REALLY want to change. +for your kids, its gonna be better if they grow up without being around "some drunk guy that's hurting their mommy". believe me.<br />
wish you all the best, however you may decide =)

Thank you so much for your advice it has really helped.

I hope someone can help me with this one its a whopper!

Hi there. Firstly, I am sorry that you have been hurt (both physically and emotionally) by the father of your children. I think your children are blessed to have a mother that thinks of them in every decision she makes. <br />
My opinion is that firstly, you need to leave the father of your children. Yes, you have created three amazing kids, but if he has hurt you once, it is likely to happen again. And what good are you to your kids if you're hurt. A child wants nothing more than to see their mother happy and know she is safe. <br />
You should leave this man for yourself and you children. <br />
Once you have done this, meet the man you fell in love with over chat. See if you love him in person too and if you could make a life with him. And only once you are sure, commit to him!!<br />
That is my advice!! I hope that it helps. Keep strong and I wish you all the best!