When Parents Intervene In An Ldr...

You know, I was one of the people who would always tell their friends that "Long distance relationships are incredibly hard to manage, and it's almost impossible to do so if you can't have physical contact with that person. Eventually, after about a month or two, it's going to collapse, and it's going to collapse hard." I also said, "There's no way that you can fall in love with someone in 6 hours. It has to take days, weeks, maybe even months for you to fall in love with someone."

Well, World, call me a hypocrite. That's right, I'm a hypocrite. I talked to a guy for six hours that I met on the internet, and I fell in love.

Yup. That's me. And I can hear it now:

"But dating someone from the internet is insane! You don't know if they're really who they say they are, and they could just be some stalker or some pervert or something!"

Well, it's kinda hard to lie that you have two twin adopted gay Canadian brothers who are in the closet, your mom is a Texas Ranger who absolutely despises the fact you're gay, and that your dad...well, let's just say he's not in the picture, and he's in jail for a reaaaaaaly good reason. Like, eerily creepy good reason. And you REALLY can't make that up when you do a search for him in the Texas DOCJ Offender records, and you find his name and what he did...

That's proof enough for me.

Nonetheless, we met on a website called Connexion.org (which, sadly, is closing soon. T_T) and we started flirting back and forth. Without going into the long, boring details, we swaped cell numbers, and I called him, and we talked for six hours. I fell in love with him. He fell in love with me. And despite the fact that I kept on trying to tell myself, "Don't you dare do it! You need to know more about this guy before you ask him out!" another part of me kept on telling me, "This is the only chance you'll ever get to getting a boyfriend. You say no, you'll lose that chance." Sure enough, that other part of my mind kicked in, and as of 3:50, 9 June 2011, me and my boyfriend, Peter were officially a couple.

Only one problem.

Peter lived in Sugar Land, Texas, which is a little more than 430 miles away from Biloxi, Mississippi, where I live.

But, we both knew we were mature enough and strong enough to handle everything that we may run into.

Or so I thought.

As the days went by, we talked almost every day, and one of us would wake up to a text message saying, "Good morning, honey!" from the other. Normally, I'd be the one to receive it; I wake up later than he normally does.

Two weeks passed by, and it came closer to the day he planned to come see me.

Then, he never showed up.

Needless to say, I called him, and I asked him what was going on.

"Honey, I didn't know how to tell you this, but I lied to you about my mom. She's not really all that cool. When I tried to leave this morning, she stopped me at the door and told me, 'Now just know, if you leave here to go see that boy, you won't be welcome in this house once you get back.' I had no choice but to stay home. I didn't want to get kicked out of my own home. I'm so sorry, baby, I should have been more honest with you, but I didn't want this to complicate things."

Well, he started to cry. We had a talk about honesty and whatnot, and he calmed down, and told me he'd never lie to me again, no matter what it was about. (Trust me, I'm the type of guy that'd forgive you for cheating on me, as long as you're honest about it)

A few days after that, I stopped hearing from him. Competely. No texts, no calls, nothing. I got worried. I freaked out for what seemed like an eternite before I get a surprise call from him a week later. His mom took away his laptop, his camera, and his cell phone, and refuses to give any of it back to him, with the exception of his cell phone every once in a while. (Later on, I deducted she's probably doing this because she REAAAALLY doesn't want Peter dating another guy.) We talk for anywhere from 1 to 4 days, and she takes his phone again. This continued from early August to now. It's so hard having to be in a relationship where you're limited to when and how you can talk to your own boyfriend just because his mother refuses to accept that her own son is gay. The thought of breaking up with him has passed through my mind so many times, and the temptations on cheating on him with my best friend (who I've always had a crush on, even before me and Peter started dating) have passed by several times, that I'm starting to lose control of my own emotions and my own life. I lie in bed some nights, and just break down and cry because of this limitation. I've become paranoid to the point where I'm losing trust in him and have started to try to find some kind of proof he's real, and that I'm not talking to some ingenious perv who can create such believable personalities and sound so truthful and so innocent on the phone. We've talked about so much that I'm afraid it's all just to make me happy so that he can use me in some way, but my heart keeps telling me that I'm wrong, and that he's really there, but I just don't know what to believe.

He has no Facebook account, or any kind of account on any social networking site, save for an AIM account.
We agreed to delete our Connexion accounts, so there's no going back there.
His brothers, whom I've talked to on rare occasions, make me believe he's real.
Yet, everything is blowing up in my mind like a warzone is breaking out in my head, and nobody is winning.

I want to fight so much to make this relationship work. I'm young, I know, but I know so much more about relationships than people think I do. Even counselors are astounded to how easily I can make or break other people's relationships, between both teenagers and adults. It's surreal. I understand that the only perfect relationship is one that isn't, and sacrifices have to be made for things to work. I know that loving someone isn't just loving them for the good things, it's loving them for everything, even their flaws. But it's so hard to keep yourself together when the person who has the other half of your heart is so far away, and is so disconnected, especially when it's not their fault. Everyone keeps telling me it's not worth fighting for when all the odds are against you, but I know that that isn't true! I don't want to be hurt, and I don't want to hurt Peter by leaving him because of something he cannot control. This is our very first relationship; neither of us have had boyfriends in the past. We've ventured into uncharted waters together, and I don't want anything to separate us. If this relationship fails, I want it to fail because we've tried everything to keep it together, and we can't, not because someone else is hindering us. 

When parents intervene, especially when it comes to refusing to accept your own son is gay, it takes such a tremendous toll on the hearts and minds of their child and the person their child loves. If there were only some way to make Peter's mom understand...
AbsenceOfSoul AbsenceOfSoul
18-21, M
1 Response Sep 10, 2011

Hey!<br />
I'm really happy that you have found each other, but I'm sorry to hear that there are complications like this... How long has his mother known that he's gay? Maybe she still needs time to get used to the fact? Maybe your boyfriend could try to make it easier for her, trying to talk about her main concerns about her son being gay, showing that he is just who he has always been - a loving son, no matter gay or not. Well, I do not know much about the issue, because I'm a girl, but I'm sure that you should know, so maybe, step by step you can make her understand and accept?<br />
As for communicating, I can perfectly understand that it's really frustrating, not being able to talk. If you trust him, then be strong. You know in your heart who he really is, and you know if he can be trusted.<br />
And about comunicating - you mentioned that he cannot use his laptop, cellphone and camera sometimes. So why don't you write good old snail mail to each other? 430 miles is not that much for snail mail, and I'm sure that he can write you and send a letter somewhere out in the city with not much trouble. If he can't receive your letters to his home, maybe he can ask some friend to pass your letters to him? This way you could create a more stable connection - write each other every few days, or even every day, and, yes, the events might be a bit outdated, and it will not be a eye-to-eye conversation, but hey, it's better than nothing, isn't it? :)<br />
Well, I just wish you luck! Take care of yourself, and believe in love ;)

Thanks, Ellian. His mom has known he's gay since he was 18. He's 20 now. Really, though, it hasn't been this bad before. It only got this bad about 2 weeks after we started dating, and Peter told his mom that we were together.
And I thought about using snail mail to try and keep some sort of communication, but I never got the chance to even ask him the address to send him mail. I don't think she could hinder him from his mail (especially when I'll even use and alias to get through ^_^).
Again, thanks so much for your support!