14,000 Miles Away....

....is my first love. The girl that I still love. We had only been going out for 4 months before she moved to Australia for no reason, leaving me here in Utah. The goodbye was just as bad as I thought it would be, but the separation has turned out worse. We talk at least 2 times a day, but for how long will that go on? Once she meets new friends (and maybe even a new guy?), gets a job, is she going to want to talk to me still?
It's only been two weeks, and we can't stop talking about how much we miss each other, how much we love each other. Just like a lot of the other stories I've read on here, our conversations are riddled with "I wish you were here"s and "I just want to hug you and kiss you"s. She assures me that she will be back, and that she couldn't possibly date anyone other than me. But for some reason, I have a hard time with the whole "not knowing" whether it will truly happen or not. Sometimes I think I'm more invested in this than she is.
The thing that hurts the worst is that she left without any real purpose. It was something she always wanted to do, so she did it. And now that she's over there, she claims things don't feel real without me. And yet she's standing strong in her 6 month "commitment." 6 months. It's not long in the grand scheme of life, and we have told each other we'll be back together when she comes back. But 6 months is a lot of time for thing to happen, for things to go wrong. I'm stuck going to college right now, with nothing immensely interesting. She's in a foreign country, exploring new areas, meeting new people, getting settled into a life largely without me. And it hurts. And it hurts to see that it hurts her too. Why won't she just come back instead of putting both of us through this pain?
I hope to one day see her again. We're planning on it, planning on traveling together and being together when she gets back. But who knows who she will meet? Who knows how settled she'll get over there? I've done nothing but support her through all of her tough times. I hope that one day I can hold her again.
I guess I kind of cheated by putting this under a long distance relationship. We've technically "split up," no longer calling each other girlfriend/boyfriend. But every day I hear from her, it starts and ends the same: "I love you, and I miss you," with the conversation riddled with how much she just wants to be with me, and how much she wishes we could be together. And I repeat the same back to her. I love her. And I miss her. More than I ever thought I could love or miss someone.
I can't believe I'm going through this. If it were someone else, I would tell them to forget about her, that the distance is too great and the time too long. But every time I see her, every time I hear her tell me how much she loves me, I can't help but realize that it could all be worth it in the end.
Visiting is out of the question, mainly because of the 3,000 dollar plane ticket to fly over there. But I'm also busy with school, which makes it difficult enough to find time to talk. I find myself sacrificing aspects of my life I previously viewed as necessary in order to talk to her.
sephirothviivii sephirothviivii
Oct 16, 2011