LDR update... distressed Help!

I have been in a LDR for 4 years. I live in the uk and he lives in the us. if you read my post before you will know that I beyond loved him though he was cheating on me with another 2 girls... not at the same time but different periods throughout our relationship.

But being the softy I am and the constant I loves yous and going the extra mile to keep me.. I forgave him.

I have just come back from a trip of seeing him well here is my update. My trip was wonderful, beautiful I felt closer to him than I have ever been in my trips to see him. It was all about me, phones were off, talked to people rarely. It was great. Hand holding and cuddles were intimate, even making love to him felt different. He made me feel like I was the only one who existed... However it was my last night there it kinda turned sour...

He recently made a promise to me since my last trip, before the current one he just made that he wouldn't cheat on me, which technically with the scenario that arose he hadn't during the time period that he promised so I will explain.

I got a message from a friend, telling me about her thoughts about the relationship between one of my online friends, who my boyfriend calls his sister. He had told me that she told him that she liked him. So anyway a year ago boyfriend/ ex/ whatever he is right now, made a group and thats the role they played. They fell out but he never told me why but he said the oddest thing to me "if she says that I did anything with her she's lying" (she is kind of known as a online *****) so I didn't think much of it but it did set off alarm bells in my head.

So my friend that sent me the message told me to check his phone as she thinks they have been texting each other. I felt guilty but the curiosity got the better of me and I checked when he left his phone in the bathroom. I had seen he was telling her he wanted to have sex with her and was wondering when she was going to see him.

I was so heartbroken, I confronted him and he said hear this... someone hacked his phone... this boy thinks I was born yesterday. I begged for him to tell me the truth but he denied it, that day I got on the plane and I left back for the uk.

I confront the 'sister' the girl he had been doing this with and she told me this has been going on for a year until this may (which was near enough the time he made the promise, so just before) and that it had always been sexual texts/RP between them and thats why she wasn't talking to him because he only went to her when it was that kind of stuff he needed.

I hate him, I've dumped him but yet he doesn't give up. He keeps telling me he loves me, he is on suicide watch at the place he lives, he is an utter mess but so am I. I wanted him to be honest with me and he wasn't even when I begged. Although it was before the promise was made I feel that three women to have cheated on me with is enough and I deserve something better. He wont let me go though, breaking down my walls, saying that the last two times I have seen him is how it is going to stay between us and he needs me and I can't give up on him and leave him and I feel like I am being awful, but he doesn't deserve me and I don't deserve the pain he has put me through. My self esteem has been shattered because of him, I feel ugly or just not enough and I know that isn't the case.

So what to do everyone. Block and forget or stay around and let him win me back and show me he can do this ( though I know he does not deserve the chance.. but I can't help but foolishly love him and want to give him that chance due to the time it happened, should note we were broken up for 2 months leading up to May.... god I'm making excuses... I'm pathetic.)

Pyrexia Pyrexia
22-25, F
1 Response Dec 2, 2012

You can get better than that! He sounds like a jerk. Don't put yourself throughout that. Yes, you have had amazing times but it always leaves you hurt. You can make better times with a guy that will treat you like a queen, not just another joker. You seem like an amazing young lady an you shouldnt let this guy rule your life. Don't take him back. Once a cheater always a cheater... But really, you can find someone who loves you tooooooo much to cheat on you ever.