Military Girlfriend is she cheating?

My Girlfriend and I have had an amazing relationship, we live together although between 2 months being away at boot camp with only the ability to write and talk on the phone for a total of 11 minutes, and a month and a half of her being away in A school things have been hard. We're now getting close to 4 months away from each other and in that time have only been able to spend maybe 12 hours together. I fully support her career move and have been very proud of her achievements. She says I've been her rock and reminds me quite often she couldn't have done it without me. I wrote her every day while she was in boot camp sometimes multiple times along with a lot of cards, pictures and love. I stayed in contact with her friends and family and acted as a middle man. I spent $1,000.00 to spend 12 hours with her in Chicago the day she graduated. I made the commitment not to go out the entire time she has gone because she was feeling insecure, it wasn't something I had to do, but did out of respect for her I did it. It's made the time pass by slowly, I don't regret my decision. We've made plans to stay together even if she is stationed some where else. I explained that I was willing to give up my career, move away from my family, friends, leave my home, and unfortunately would have to also give up my dog to be with her, but all sacrifices I was/ am willing to make. We've been saving up because we really don't know what is going to happen she recently sent me $2,000.00 to put in to our savings account. She's been sending me sweat shirts, cards, calls me in the morning to say good morning, during her lunch break, before her muster, and we usually video chat or talk until we go to sleep at night. It's been nice having the flexibility with her in A school to communicate more freely. Sometimes after we hang up she'll call me right back and tell me how much she loves me. We both are very secure people, but at times we feel a little insecure around each other. I think that's natural when you love someone so much, you let all your guards down feel vulnerable and never want to imagine being without that person, distance for such long periods of time and limited communication make this even harder.

Guys are always hitting on her, she is in a leadership position and her phone number is publicly displayed a lot of guys even in other branches of the service abuse access to her number sending her flirty messages, asking her out in text messages, sending gifts like chocolates and pizza to her room. She's reported it to her chain of command, who in turn reported it to the guys chain of command and according to her she always gets in trouble or yelled at. Some of these guys are really high ranking and when their commanding officers get involved she gets really intimidated, and no one will take her side.

It's annoying when we talk to always hear guys in the background. Even more frustrating when I hear them asking her who she is talking to. Why is it any of their business? We always say I love you before we get off of the phone and when she's around all these guys sometimes she whispers it in to the phone, once a guy started talking to her and she pretty much hung up on me without a goodbye. Lately she's been acting more distant, she wants to talk less about our plans of the future together, or says things like she's so overwhelmed right now she doesn't want to think about it. I find myself waiting around more for her calls now and being at the conveince of when she is able to talk. Some times she goes to bars, she tells me she's going to study and for some reason her studying is usually at the bar, she's even called me from the bar when she was "studying". When she says she's going out to study she appologizes and asks me not to be mad at her. I've never hinted to being upset with her and always explained that I understood.

Over the last few days she has seemed more distant. Calls are becoming fewer, shorter, later, she keeps making extraciricular activies more of a priority than spending time with me. She's in the NAVY and lately I've been hearing about this Airforce guy a lot she claims he's harassing her, but there is something in the back of my mind telling me there is more to it than just that. She seems to know a lot about this guy. She's in the NAVY. Last night she went out studying, appologized for the time we would have spent together and asked me not to be mad at her. Over the last few days she has been pretty moody and not her normal cheerful self, not very talkative, nor interested in our conversations. When we do video chat she seems to be paying more attention to her cellphone and the texts she has coming in, smiling at some of the texts. Then looking back up at me frowning. I noticed that she had a call from someone that has a cellphone number by an airforce base in Colorado where there are no NAVY about 30 minutes before she was supposed to go study last night. Last night I was prying without being direct or making it obvious I was trying to find out what was going on, she skated around quite a few questions, really didn't seem interested in our conversation, and barely kept eye contact with me. Which is extremely unusual normally she can't take her eyes off of me she's practically with her face pressed up against the screen. She pretty much distanced herself between me and the screen with her hands another unusual behavior. She just seemed very distant and uninterested. She just sent me a text saying she just got out of a late meeting, yet for the last hour has been logged in to video chat, she explained that she has to go to a late muster, and wants to go to the gym. She was working out at 3:30 am as usual this morning. I'm not sure why the unusual rush to go to the gym. She usually goes maybe 3 times a week with some friends but not back to back like that. She said that she was on her way to a late muster, but has give me really short responses to texts over the last 30 minutes instead of calling me like she normally would.I know my girlfriend well enough to know that something is wrong, she's hiding something from me, and has been lying to me. It's hard to figure out a way to confront her from a distance. If I accuse her from a distance I'm afraid of how she may react and it could cause a lot of tension that would be hard to deal with over distance. Some people might say if she isn't willing to have that conversation and acts like that let her go. I honestly believe this is one of those conversations people should have in person. I'm flying out to see her in less than 2 weeks, we're going to spend 5 days together in California, and she's coming home for about 10 days. I think this would be a better time to discuss our concerns. I'm trying to be patient, but it's really tearing at my thoughts and I can't stop thinking about it. I don't want to **** up and say something or do something stupid. She does a lot of things that are reassuring and equally as many that make me question what is going on and I don't want to accuse her of something if she isn't wrong, it's just hard to deny all these suspicious actions. I just want someone to talk to, or someone that can offer me advice, or share any similar experiences. I just called the gym they are closed right now, and my girlfriend just logged in to video chat, but not to talk to me.
Yakuza2979 Yakuza2979
31-35, M
10 Responses Dec 7, 2012

Here's an update can anyone help me out

Thank you for your response Heavenly. Last night she made up an excuse to avoid me so she could spend time with him. I did some digging and found out that she was getting some calls and making calls to someone in the airforce. I called with a hidden number and confirmed it with his voicemail. Apparently this is the same guy that she has claimed has been texting her out on dates, sending her flowers etc. I didn't say anything, while we were on Skype I noticed that she was wearing a thong and push up bra and had make up on. Second time ever since she has been in A school, the day before she was out at the movies with some people and had a thong on that night also. She has been short and uninterested with me constantly texting while we are on Skype, and all the sudden has a very big sense of urgency to getting her phase 3 pass. She also got a call from this guy before she went to the movies the night before last. While we were on Skype last night She told me that she had left her glasses on the quarter deck and some guy in the airforce named Joshua had them. I thought it was very funny that she was on a first name basis with someone in another branch of service since she is in the NAVY. I had already done my home work and confirmed the first and last name of this guy, and it was Josh. I asked her was that the guy's last name, she changed her story and made up a first name for him. she gave me all the signs of lying and called him about her glasses while I was on Skype with her the phone went to voice mail and I heard him give his rank and last name which was not Joshua, matched with the name of the guy she said was texting her and sexually harassing her. She even said that she had a board of review to attend first thing in the morning in her dress blues because of her alleged claims. She could not explain why the guy she was calling whom had her glasses had the same name as the guy that she was supposidly harassing her. Well, I pulled the phone logs and the number she called and the number of the guy returning her call about the glasses matched and now I know it's the same guy. She has a ton of text messages from him also. She has been spending a lot of time with the Airforce lately, and told me that the guy that was suposidly harassing her was up for an airman of the year award. I Googled his full name rank and found a lot of articles about this guy and the awards and basically a lot of details she shared with me matched. What is sad is this guy is up for an airman of the year award, is married, and has a son. In an interview he credits his success to his marriage. Now I don't know what to do. I'm supposed to be flying out to spend 5 days with her, she is coming home with me for 9 days. All her belongings are at my house, we were living together before she went to boot camp and A school she has a cellphone under my account she is using, we have a joint savings account. I don't know if she comes home with me if she is going to clean me out while I am at work, or what. I don't know if I should get in touch with this guy I have his number, report him, get in touch with his wife which I also have the name of. Should I give her a chance and say hey she was lonely and just got out of 2 months of hell and has been away 4 months and slipped up and forgive her. She's done with A school in one month after she returns from her vacation with me. She'll never run in to this guy again, and he has a wife to go home to, but I don't know how I'm going to be able to handle this when she is deployed. I'm so confused right now. The worst part is she is still denying everything, angry, and won't tell me the truth. She isn't avoiding me, we talked more on skype after she flipped out she asked me to call her back. This morning she called me like normal and when I had to get off of the phone I asked her if she wanted me to call her back, she said it was ok she was in rush to get to class. I thought about what she said last night about her board of review meeting in her dress blues, apparently that was a lie also. God I want to believe her so bad, but there is nothing that holds true to anything she has told me.

I'm in the military myself and can tell you two things: some people do cheat but others become more devoted to the person they were with before joining. I'm in the Air Force and when I went to tech school, I think the Navy calls it A school, there were a lot of people who cheated on their girlfriend/boyfriend/fiance and even husband or wife. After boot camp, having any kind of freedom is awesome and some people can't balance it well and kind of lose their mind. A lot of people "fall in love" and end up marrying someone that they met there.

Another issue that people go through is wanting to have fun and have some space. You're told what to do and how to do it every second of boot camp and it's nice to be able to do things when you want. No one can tell you for sure if she's cheating or not. I'd talk to her about how you're feeling but keep in mind that things may go back to normal when she's home. Being in the military can be stressful at times and she could be responding to that as well. I hope it all works out for you!

Thank you for your response Heavenly. Last night she made up an excuse to avoid me so she could spend time with him. I did some digging and found out that she was getting some calls and making calls to someone in the airforce. I called with a hidden number and confirmed it with his voicemail. Apparently this is the same guy that she has claimed has been texting her out on dates, sending her flowers etc. I didn't say anything, while we were on Skype I noticed that she was wearing a thong and push up bra and had make up on. Second time ever since she has been in A school, the day before she was out at the movies with some people and had a thong on that night also. She has been short and uninterested with me constantly texting while we are on Skype, and all the sudden has a very big sense of urgency to getting her phase 3 pass. She also got a call from this guy before she went to the movies the night before last. While we were on Skype last night She told me that she had left her glasses on the quarter deck and some guy in the airforce named Joshua had them. I thought it was very funny that she was on a first name basis with someone in another branch of service since she is in the NAVY. I had already done my home work and confirmed the first and last name of this guy, and it was Josh. I asked her was that the guy's last name, she changed her story and made up a first name for him. she gave me all the signs of lying and called him about her glasses while I was on Skype with her the phone went to voice mail and I heard him give his rank and last name which was not Joshua, matched with the name of the guy she said was texting her and sexually harassing her. She even said that she had a board of review to attend first thing in the morning in her dress blues because of her alleged claims. She could not explain why the guy she was calling whom had her glasses had the same name as the guy that she was supposidly harassing her. Well, I pulled the phone logs and the number she called and the number of the guy returning her call about the glasses matched and now I know it's the same guy. She has a ton of text messages from him also. She has been spending a lot of time with the Airforce lately, and told me that the guy that was suposidly harassing her was up for an airman of the year award. I Googled his full name rank and found a lot of articles about this guy and the awards and basically a lot of details she shared with me matched. What is sad is this guy is up for an airman of the year award, is married, and has a son. In an interview he credits his success to his marriage. Now I don't know what to do. I'm supposed to be flying out to spend 5 days with her, she is coming home with me for 9 days. All her belongings are at my house, we were living together before she went to boot camp and A school she has a cellphone under my account she is using, we have a joint savings account. I don't know if she comes home with me if she is going to clean me out while I am at work, or what. I don't know if I should get in touch with this guy I have his number, report him, get in touch with his wife which I also have the name of. Should I give her a chance and say hey she was lonely and just got out of 2 months of hell and has been away 4 months and slipped up and forgive her. She's done with A school in one month after she returns from her vacation with me. She'll never run in to this guy again, and he has a wife to go home to, but I don't know how I'm going to be able to handle this when she is deployed. I'm so confused right now. The worst part is she is still denying everything, angry, and won't tell me the truth. She isn't avoiding me, we talked more on skype after she flipped out she asked me to call her back. This morning she called me like normal and when I had to get off of the phone I asked her if she wanted me to call her back, she said it was ok she was in rush to get to class. I thought about what she said last night about her board of review meeting in her dress blues, apparently that was a lie also. God I want to believe her so bad, but there is nothing that holds true to anything she has told me.

Oh and one other thing to add the same time I called him from an unavailable number she quickly sent me a text explaining while she couldn't talk to me.

I'm pretty much in the same boat having to give up everything to be with her. I hope that everything goes well between you too, I didn't realize you two were able to spend time together once a month. I thought you all were away for the whole year and a half. I guess that's not as bad. A friend of mine in the military told me that when you are so far apart for so long to treat each moment together like a honey moon.

Yeah we as people require attention and look for it from the one we love, the lack of physical intimacy does leave something to desire. Last night we Skyped and fell asleep staring at each other. In fact my girlfriend is sleeping in front of me on Skype. We talked for about an hour. apparently she went to a movie with a bunch of friends she texted me quite a bit while she was there. It sort of bothered me to see that she had make up on and when she undressed out of her military uniform she had a thong on. She always wore them at home, but has been wearing boy short style under wear while she has been away for the last 3 months now during this crazy week she starts wearing a thong. She's on duty and not supposed to be drinking but she got some shots of alcohol, which would mean she had to leave base to get it, and only the guys in the air force can drive. Now all the sudden she is in a rush to get off base access. I'll just be glad when we're together in the next 11 days for 14 days then one month and we'll be together.

Yes, they do. There have been many times I thought I couldn't take it any longer (like now lol). But it is him that has begged me to move there and give up my career and marry him for the last year and I've held off until recently. I told him I will move there and get engaged for awhile. He is here once every month or two for 2 weeks. But yes, you're right, I have been making myself busier too. Maybe he will get the point. And I have been setting up more things to go out and do with other people instead of waiting around for him the way he likes me to. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It sounds really awful. You say this has only been going on a week or so, tho, right? I hope it will turn out that it is just a bad week somehow. Maybe things will improve when you finally get some time together. I really don't think all the time apart and lack of physical intimacy is good for any of us. He's only been gone 2 weeks and I'm already going out of my mind.

Blondie long distance relationships suck. I'm surprised you made it so long. I honestly don't think I could put my life on hold that long. A few suggestions don't always make yourself available when he wants to call or video chat find things to do go out and spend time with friends instead of waiting for him to call all the time. Unfortunately those of us that are loyal can find ourselves in a very unfair situation where the other person contacts us when it is convienent, and if they are unloyal they have the benefit of distance to hide another person. Don't just settle for attention when it is convienent for him demand it. I hate to say it but if he isn't complaining about lack of sex there is a high possibility he is getting it some where else. Lack of interest and not complaining about sex are some immediate red flags.II would suggest maybe living together for a while before tying the knot, but also make sure that he isn't just dangling a carrot in front of you to keep you around out of conveience and ultimately wasting your time. Really make your demands known and remember in marriage the spouse is always #1 priority, and if all you are getting now is left overs it shows he doesn't take the idea of marrying you seriously.

Well she did admit to not going to the gym, without me asking. We talked a lot last night. I have suspicions, but how do I really confront her about them without telling her I've been snooping. I looked at her text message log and in a matter of days she has gotten over 400 text messages. 150 alone today this is very unusual compared to normal. She has called me off an on through out the day and some times didn't call when she said she would saying she fell asleep or someone in leadership came to her room to talk. We video chatted briefly she asked me if I wanted her to leave the video chat on while she was gonethen corrected herself and said she was going to unplug her tablet and charge her phone, which I thought was odd because I just bought her a new phone that holds a 12 hour charge and she didn't make many calls from it and is never without her phone you usually have to pry it out of her hand. Then she said she was going to dinner with some friends and wasn't coming back to her room after muster, again I find it strange that she would be any where without her phone. I just don't know what to believe and how to confront her with the facts without making myself look like an *** for snooping.

I am going thru the same thing. We have been apart for 1.5 years and he is distant now and always busy with other people. I am supposed to be moving there and getting married, but he is never around, he never complains about needing sex anymore, and doesn't seem that interested in me, so I don't know what to do. I don't wnat to give up my life here if he is cheating on me, but I also need to have a real life person in my life soon as well (because I AM faithful and it sucks). Not sure what to do. Maybe this is what happens when couples are apart too long???

Let her know exactly how you feel about this situation, don't stay silent about it. If she really cares about your concern then she'll find a way to communicate with you more so, you two can be on the same page. My boyfriend lives in Haiti and I live in the U.S. and, when he hasn't heard from me for some while he expresses it and, we're able to talk about it so, neither one of gets the wrong idea of why we haven't heard from each other.

I can understand you getting jealous of the other guys she's around but, I highly...HIGHLY suggest that you make your concerns known to her so, you guys can really work this out.

She just sent me a text asking if I sent flowers to her room which I did not and won't answer the phone. This is really ******* annoying.