More On My Relationship

I had already posted here a long time ago and nobody will remember that as it's really been a while, but here I am still.

We are approaching the 2 years mark in our relationship and we keep learning about each other every day. Our relationship is still as complicated as ever, being on the other side of the world from each other. We just spend the holidays together, 3 whole weeks, and that was a great opportunity we had, but I don't see our future being so bright.

He has been applying to schools to be near, but it hasn't worked out anywhere yet. I doubt we'll move in closer together this year, but I can only keep my fingers crossed that things between us will be ok regardless.

He left last Sunday and it feels strange. After I dropped him off at the airport, when I arrived home everything felt like he was still here. The bed unmade, the sheets and pillows smelled like him. Everything had just been touched by him, sat on by him, and so on. When I felt his presence lingering on everything around me, it felt horrible. I felt the immediate need to change everything, to clean everything up and remove everything that reminded me of our time together. It might seem strange as most people would do quite the opposite: try to hold onto whatever is left and keep remembering the good times. That is too painful for me, and I found I just needed a fresh start with my life so I did put everything back as it was before he came.

Now I feel as if he had left months ago instead of days. I almost feel it's a far away memory, our time together, his touch, his smell. It's almost unreal to think he was actually here where I am sitting right now. I have pictures and tickets of things we did together, but I just feel that's years ago and it's never to return. I don't know why I feel so weird about it as I never have before, and this isn't even my first LDR.

I am left with a huge void inside me, which I can try and fill with other things but it just doesn't fix it. I am not making a big drama out of this, I haven't complained to anyone and I haven't cried to anyone, nor have I been clingy to him at all. I am just trying to survive it the best I can, trying to move on with my life and get things back together. I wish there was a solution or a fix, but talking or video chatting doesn't do anything for this type of thing. I've been in such relationships far too long for it to be enough now. I know only time can heal this feeling.

I long to see the day in which I no longer have to say goodbye and go through this. Don't get me wrong: LDRs work. They just take a lot of faith and hard work.
Priskitteh Priskitteh
22-25, F
1 Response Jan 16, 2013

It sounds like you need someone who will be around more. Give the relationship so much time and if you can't get in the same place, start dating closer to home.

Thanks for your reply but honestly this post was never about dating someone different. I am satisfied with the person I am dating, it is just hard to deal with the current situation and I needed to vent.