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Closing The Distance

Long distance relationship, some say that it’s impossible, not worth the time and heartache and that it will never work. For the believers, especially those that are in a long distance relationship, it means the world to us. We are willing to take the risk, willing to take the leap of faith.

I am in a long distance relationship and I am blessed with a wonderful man whom I have met briefly in person before our journey start. Was I looking for a relationship? No. Let alone this particular type of relationship where you cannot share many special moments, cannot be intimate. Things that you can do together are limited. I am very sceptical but I do like to see on the positive side.

Somehow, we exchanged emails and keep in contact. Emails turned into text chats and then a phone call and finally video chat which then progressed into arranging a second meeting. Another risk has to be taken.

As time goes by, feelings grow deeper and expressed by exchanging “I Love You”. How are we to know if it’s for real? We cannot. No one can know for sure other than the person who utters the three magical words. So, why do we still go on with the relationship? Is it faith? Hope? Or is it simply because we are desperate to be loved that we are willing to push aside the possibility of getting our heart broken?

Then, there’s the trust issue. How are we to know for sure if everything that’s been said and done is the true? What about the commitments and the expectations that we have for the relationship?

In my opinion, the main goal for couples in a long distance relationship is to close the distance. There’s another issue here. Who will move? What if it’s in another country? Are you willing to leave everything behind? The answer will be yes, because there is no point of continuing the relationship if both wants to stay where they are.

When you move, you realised that you will need time to adjust to the new environment. Don’t you wonder if it’s really going to work out? Spending some time together in real life every now and then cannot compensate the time that a couple need to be together physically to get to know each other.
What if your significant other changes? What if you don’t see eye to eye any longer?

Being in a long distance relationship would mean that you have to take risk after risk and hope for the best. I wonder why anyone would put their self in this kind of situation. based on common sense, when there’s a risk, eliminate it!

Now that I am considering marriage to the love of my life, I still have a lot of doubt but the future is uncertain to us so I will take all the risk.

Advice?
applecleo applecleo 22-25, F 5 Responses Feb 18, 2013

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I have been in a long distance relationship as you call it LDR, were on our 3rd year just this january. and i have lose the trust anymore in that person if he can really support me in any ways, i come up to realizations that it will never work. why? because he has no regular work/job. i was wondering what will happen to us when were finally together or will it be happen for us to be together? i have feelings that were not for each other though we keep fighting for our love. i come to the point that i am not excited anymore when i came online to chat to him, been a months since i change my password to my facebook account because i totally lost faith and trust in him anymore but i do still love him and want him in my life if given a chance. but the question is how am i able to trust the person if he only keeping promises and not even doing it? am tired so tired, it's hurt but i want to it end it.

I'm sorry to hear of what you've been through. Think of it this way, if it's not the distance, and he is who he is.. will you still be dating him? With no work? Is he willing to change that for you? Will he find a work? The most important thing is to have a closure. Are you planning to close the distance?

Very well written. You have said everything that i have been thinking for months now.

I thought most couple in an LDR must have feel the same way as I do, one way or another. Thank you :)

Wow! It,s like I was reading my life! You are very strong, I wish I could be as strong! I wish you both the very best of happiness, til the end of time. Ti.xo

I think it's what most of us in an LDR feel. I am trying to be strong and trying not to think too much about the future because the more I think, the more paranoid I get!

Oh, and Thank you!

I love this. You said it beautifully. Honestly close distance has challenges too. It's all in what YOU need to feel loved and happy in a relationship. I have no advice as I'm in the beginning stages of my long distance relationship. It's hard. Really hard. We haven't actually met in person and he's in the military so right now communication is extremely limited. All I can say is follow your heart. Don't place value on negative opinions from friends or family. It seems tone the ones that stay together forever are the same ones that people say it will never work. My cousin married a woman from Canada and we live in the US. She came here and they wanted to be together bad enough to make it work. They now have 2 beautiful children and a happy life.

What you said is true. If you want it bad enough, you will always find a way to make it work. Good luck to you and your BF! :) My bf's in the military too so I know a little bit of how you feel.

I SO know what you mean. I met a man 18 months ago and wasn't looking for ANYTHING close to what I found. I was recently out of a long failed marriage to a man who was nowhere near what I really wanted or deserved. I was doing some genealogy research and stumbled upon a site where we connected, friendly-like. He commented on a forum and I agreed with what he had said. He sent me message to thank me and it went from there. Very shortly after we were emailing, then IM conversation, then Skype calls and phone calls.
Yesterday he proposed a hand-fasting to unite us. I was shocked (in a good way). I do not believe in the traditional form of marriage. It tends to be closer to an arrangement of possession and generally speaking leaves at least one person truly unhappy (no matter what the reason). Yes, I know I said I WAS previously married. That is another story all together. Also, technically I am still married. I doubt my ex will EVER grant me the divorce I want.
When it comes down to one or the other moving, I am already trying to immigrate and wanted to before we met. However the country HE lives in has tight entrance about as bad as the US so it's not real likely. In the meantime I am saving back for a trip in late summer. It's his birthday and our anniversary.

Totally been there. Numerous times. Just go for it. I mean, if it feels right. No such thing as a guaranteed success at a relationship, long distance or non.

You are right to walk out of your previous marriage if you feel like you don't get what you deserve. You are the master of your own life, your own happiness. I hope you can sort everything out. What do you feel about immigrating?

My Grandmother immigrated from Scotland. I've been trying to go home for a while now. It's tough. Exciting news though. He proposed a Handfasting over the weekend. I'm SO excited. We are going to be in Celtic dress and everything!

Congratulations!! I don't know much about Handfasting but that's like an engagement ceremony right?

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