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You Have to Sacrifice For the Things That You Love.


I'm getting lost, and I can feel it happening. He lives in Canada and I'm in the US, 2000 miles away from my boy, 2222 miles to be exact. Point six, or something, but whatever, that's just because we've talked about it. That's just it, we talk about everything, we've talked forever and I talked myself into a four-digit phone bill for one month, but that's a different story. We talk every night at length, sometimes several times a day, and we still haven't gotten tired of each other or run out of things to talk about. We fight, of course, just like any other couple, and yell and call each other names, but there's never any doubt that we'll make up and things will be fine.

We've known each other for a year and a half, and have been officially together for the past five months, and the good times have been the best of my life... But all the times in between? When you go out and you don't have a hand to hold or you listen to your best friend talk about this amazing date she went on with this new guy she's dating or when you go to events by yourself or with friends when everyone else is up in couples... You start to feel like some unloved social reject who can't get a boyfriend despite how you do have a boyfriend, and you are very much loved by someone, it's just someone who's not present.

And of course, people who've never been in a long-distance relationship don't understand. I mean, hell, I used to be that kind of person, swearing up and down that I'd never be in a long distance relationship, because they never work out, and there's room for your significant other to cheat on you, and it'll get boring real fast, etc etc etc. But then I fell in love, completely by accident, and learned first hand that you don't choose who you fall in love with no matter how difficult things are.

We knew from the beginning that this wasn't some fling, from the very beginning that it was going to go places, and one of us would have to make a pretty life-changing move. He's studying to be a doctor who's really close to his family and I'm a recent college drop out with tumultuous family relations, so it was never really much of a toss-up.

So now I get to pit my fear of immigrating to another country against this undying desire to be with him, and when I say undying, I mean completely unbearable. It's making me miserable, miserable to the point that I'm a completely different person than I used to be. I used to be fierce and independent and a go-getter, someone who stood up for herself and would never let a man rule her and who didn't need a boy to have a good time, didn't ever cry over men and didn't mind a new beau every weekend. Then...yeah, then I fell in love, and I'm pathetic. My entire life revolves around missing him some days, and I can't stand it anymore, and the only way to fix it is going to be with him. But suffice it to say when I was little I didn't have dreams of growing up to be a Canadian. A veterinarian (before I could ever spell 'veterinarian' or an artist (until my grandmother told me terrible stories of 'starving artists') or a writer, oh god did I want to be a writer (and still do, but that's been on the back burner for a while now), but not a Canadian. I saw myself moving back home to Dallas or New York City or Miami or Los Angeles or Las Vegas, but I always said I had to be in the big city somewhere, downtown in the middle of everything. Not Canada, where it seems everything is an hour's drive apart and there's more wilderness and empty prairie than I ever hoped to encounter in my entire life, let alone daily.

Besides all that there's swallowing my pride and putting my head on straight and handling the legal aspect, and finding a way to convince the Canadian government that I'm not the complete deadbeat I appear to be on paper and that there is a good reason they should let me into the country despite that I am not a skilled worker and am no longer a student and I don't have any specific prospects of employment when I get there. "We could get married," he said, dubiously, one night when I was bemoaning the prospect. "Yeah. Someday," I said. "But not for that." I'm not going to have a shotgun court house wedding before we've ever lived together, I may not be the girliest girl on the block but I'll be damned if I don't want to wear that pretty white dress and make him write his own vows - someday. In the meantime, that's out of the question.

So face up to the fear and the self-doubt, or be miserable apart from him. That's what it comes down to. Coldplay couldn't put it best - nobody said it was easy, but nobody said it would be this hard.
jukeboxjuly jukeboxjuly 19-21, F 14 Responses Jun 10, 2007

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This was such an inspiration for me. I hope I'll be as lucky and patient as you are.

What a great story. I love reading about everyone's experiences but, you hardly hear anything about the follow up. I am glad that you stuck it out in the relationship. And, one thing is for certain---you do not choose who you end up with. It is just that 'feeling' and 'self assuredness' you get when you meet the right one.
My boyfriend just moved away after being together for a year and a half. He is half way around the world right now, and I will see him in a little less than a month for a long vacation. We have discussed marraige and relocating me to where he is, I am scared because I am close with my family, but I did not chose love...it chose me. Long distance is hard for most people, but that is because the person they are with is not the right one. But, it also takes determination for it to work, and you sure did it. Unfortunatley, I cannot move to where he is unless I am married to him, so there is a lot more weighing on my plate.
Good luck to you and your future with your Canadian boy. I wish you a wonderful Canada Day and best of luck to you. Keep us posted on your happenings and your beautiful wedding. I love hearing good stories and yours is one of the best!

when i first read this, i thought you were my girlfriend. but when i keep reading, you are not.. i live in canada, toronto to be exact, and my girlfriend living in florida in the state. we know each other for almost 5 years.. it might be silly.. but we meet on a game.. and slowly fell in love.. she is still in grade 11, and i just got into college. we have a lot of problems between us, i did something that really hurt her.. and as karma she end up doing something that hurt me so much.. we don't trust each other much anymore, but we love each other so much.. we don't want to give up this relationship.. we have plans.. i know she is scared to move to canada with me, and i'm close with my family.. i don't want to leave them behind and move to florida either.. i know how you feel.. i only been with her in real life two times in my life so far.. totally is not even 3months.. and we still have problems seeing each other in the future.. not unless untill when we grow up to older.. it is so lonely all the time.. expecially when i can't trust her.. i'm always scared she might be doing something that will hurt me, i know she is afraid of that too. i feel really miserable all the time.. a lot of times i just cry myself to bed.. a lot of times i don't even tell her.. i don't want her to know.. today i really melted down.. i don't want to be a live anymore.. being with her.. school.. family.. everything is stressing me out so much.. i want to fall asleep forever and never woke up.. in a dream where me and her is still perfect together.. never worried about anything.. and have a family.. being together forever.. and never waking up to this miserable world.. and i came on here.. i found your writing.. i know it is a hard scarfing, but i think you guys are lucky that you will have a chance to get together.. i'm jealous of you guys.. i wish she can be here.. listen to me.. hold me.. love me.. talk to me.. not this cold lonely room just by myself..

I love your story and I'm so happy for you... <br />
It really inspires me. My exbf broke up with me this morning, saying that he has no time. <br />
I think he's under a lot of pressure right now because of work. <br />
I was supposed to go and spend Christmas with him, I actually came back to my country to apply for the visa and go to Canada. We were planning to get married. <br />
Honestly I don't know what happened to him because he has really demonstrated he loved and cared for me.<br />
I wish you the best!!

i also feel the same like you. i wish you soon with him.nothing we can do unless we commited to do the sacrifice and leave the time does the best for us.

Hello everyone, <br />
<br />
I thought for a little while about how best to respond to the comments I occasionally get on this piece and its sister story, 'Because You Just Keep Waiting For the Moment It'll All Pan Out.' When I wrote these stories, I was eighteen, and I was struggling with other issues such as having dropped out of university. For all of you who are experiencing similar struggles, I wanted to give you a little update. <br />
<br />
Five and a half years later, I am still with the same silly Canadian boy. We were long distance for two years between the US and Canada, and then, a little less than four years ago, I obtained my Study Permit to come continue university in Canada, and I moved in with my silly Canadian boy. It wasn't easy; it's always difficult to cohabitate with someone, especially if you're going directly from long-distance to living with them. We've had our struggles, and our ups and downs, but the point of the matter is that five and a half years later, we're still together, I'm graduating with a BA, he's gainfully employed, and we're getting married soon. <br />
<br />
Hang in there, kids. The things that you have to fight for are often the ones that end up being worth the most. Love, JJ

So happy to hear that everything has worked out for you guys! Your story really give me hope for my boyfriend and I. I'm a freshman in college and my boyfriend is working on a dream of his thousands of miles away so we can't be together until I graduate college in a few years. We've been together for 10 months but known each other for over a year and we were very similar to you guys. We talk everyday about anything and everything. It still amazes me how much someone can change your life even though you have never met in person. He's become my best friend and a dear love of mine. We're each other's number one person. Still, it's difficult on both of us to go so long without seeing each other (the earliest I'll be able to meet him is March 2013). Now it's especially difficult but your story has really encouraged me and helped me stay strong for the both of us, so thank you so much for sharing it!

wow.just wow. u r the one made the effort. im going to be like you.give the best.plan something resoanable but still can be achieved

Awwww....! That's is so sweet and such a fairy tale story.. :) u truly give me hope! Ecspecially wit the whole arguing thing. Sometimes after we faught we would still speak but after my last visit wit him, I haven't heard from him in 24 days now.. He is in the army but still I'm sure he gets a few secs to call hm n say that he's alright. I could too just be over thinkin things too. I don't want to come out as selfish but I'm human too! Because I am human, like u say "u can't help who ur heart love".. With that said, I will continue to wait for my prince charming.! Thanks for sharing ur story and may peace, prosperity and greatness be upon u both.! :)

I have the same situation. I'm in Texas and she's in Ontario. We're both girls so we have double the trouble. My plan is for us to get duP citizenship so that I can stay American but also be Canadian that way we can spend several years in Canada with her family and several years in Texas with mine. I'm going to study at her university and it's a huge jump coming out of hig school but there's too much hurt being this far. The pain is so mentally harsh that it begins to creep at your stomach and your breathing and I become paranoid from anxiety and I'm getting acne from all this stress. We both are and it's not fair so you just have to do what makes you happy and take that big risk. Yolo lol also get an iPhone or iPod and use textplus free texting and magic jack and skype but expel ally FaceTime &lt;3 that's the best and obvs Facebook, all of that is free. Try $2,800 for a phone bill in the first month. Yeah my dad should've kicked me out haha but we learned, we learned pretty damn well. Don't give up the good you have with him. It can work; I promise you that. All of these big risks makes you know for sure if it's what you want, making the relationship that much stronger &lt;3

It's been 2 1/2 years since I've seen him. He lives in Germany, me in Utah. It's been extremely difficult at times. I sure do love him, tho. Maybe one day we'll be together. It's worth it for me to hang in there. I will never give up on us!

My husband and I were together in a LDR for 7 years. He lived in Germany and I in California, lots of distance, time zone difference, culture difference, etc. I always dreamed of the big wedding. I wanted to beautiful white dress, the church, the reception, all my family there. After 5 years into our 7 year LDR we got engaged and we started talking about who would move where. We had all these dreams and what we thought we would do. <br />
<br />
Nothing...I mean nothing came out the way we thought we were going to start our live together. BUT...its all be worth it. My wedding consisted of a gorgeous white dress, a at home wedding that my mom, cousin, fiance, in-laws created/decorated. My fiance and I stayed up late making the food for the reception and hundreds of party favors. The cake was a simple two tier cake and some sheet cake. It was simple, but it was our day....and thats what mattered the most.<br />
<br />
Our life now is still hard (we struggle with job hunting for him, continuing school for me, and money) but everyday we laugh together, we hug one another at night, we talk like we always have. I gave up some "dreams" that I wanted in life....but not for him, for us, I wouldnt have it any other way.

yes,sometimes we sacrificesomething for achievieng other. its also same things happend to me also.my bf is searching his job and i need to graduate my college.soon he got the job, he ll apply me soon and get married.i wish god help me since we want to get married

You said it all girl! tell me, where are you residing these days??? In Los Angeles by any chance?

Wow very well written. You see I'm in the opposite. I'm Canadian and he's American. And I never wanted to move to be an American. But i want to now because of my Long distance relationship.. I never thought i would fall in love with someone so far.. but i did. I love what you said "But then I fell in love, completely by accident, and learned first hand that you don't choose who you fall in love with no matter how difficult things are. ".. I couldn't agree with you more.. And i know what you're coming from. I have a fear as well. Moving.. Because he is older, and his family is here.. And I'm younger, and love to travel and such.. But I'll be changing skies for him.

yes..its amazing to be in love in LDR..you will travel alot.and i love travelling. how you met ur bf anyway

skype is better than any phone plan....so cheap!<br />
And where in Canada does he live? You could move to Toronto or Vancouver or Montreal and still have the big city feeling. <br />
<br />
My boyfriend in in Cali & I'm in Ontario, so I can relate to the whole immigrating thing. I'd do anything to be able to move down there and be with him forever. <br />
<br />
Used to want the big wedding with all the bells and whistles....now I'd be happy with a small tasteful ceremony in vegas. Still a white dress...just maybe more relaxed.

canadian boys are amazing arn't they? Where did you meet?

For the phone bill, get an unlimited minute cell phone plan. you will probably have to read some fine print since its call to Canada rather than domestic, but its something to look into. Unlimited night minutes save my wallet every month...