Truly "International" Ldr

I'm new to this community, and new to LDRs. Actually, I'm new to relationships, period.

I'm 23 years old and up till last year, I had never been in a relationship. I had never been asked out, asked for my number, or anything. It had come to a point where I was convinced there was something seriously wrong with me, that I was undatable or unlovable. I had some falling outs with close friends and got to where I was totally bitter and convinced I'd always be alone.

Then, I went on an international exchange semester last fall. Not even a week into it, I met an incredibly good looking guy doing a two month internship there from France. At first, I was sure that his interest in talking to me was just because he was entertained by my mediocre French. There was no possible way someone like him would ever be interested in me back. But after a whole day of talking, me sharing with him my favorite movie, discovering each others musical interests, and going to a local bar for open mic night, something just clicked. That first night, I had to make the confession I had been dreading - that I had never been in a relationship, that I had never been kissed. Far from laughing or making fun of me, like I had always feared, he accepted it. And that turned into the most amazing month of my life. Until then, at least ;-)

It was mind blowing to find someone you can spend endless hours talking to, and also feel completely at ease just sitting in silence with each other without having to fill the void. It was overwhelming to have someone look at you in a way, as if you were the only one on the face of the planet. But most of all, to not be judged for previous experiences (or lack thereof), to be allowed to take my own time, and not be pressured or rushed. I cannot imagine any of the firsts, big or little, being any better.

All too soon, his internship was over. I was to stay for another 3 months. The parting was awful. He had mentioned before that he had been in a previous LDR but that it didn't work out because he felt that the physical contact was too important. He also said that he had only ever told a girl that he loved her once before, and that he regretted it immediately. Having been properly "warned" by this, I still assumed we'd give it a shot. However, it was harder than I thought. He had doubts, and I was completely lost without him. But we still had daily contact and survived on skype conversations. We discussed the idea of me going to visit him over winter break. When it finally became settled, things started looking up. About two weeks before I went, he told me that he loved me, that it had been a while, but that he had been too proud to say it.

Reuniting after 3 months apart was completely amazing. The entire 20 days I was there were beyond description. I got the "tour" of his entire life, met his family, his childhood friends, saw where we went to grade school, met his university friends, and visited his favorite places. Besides all that, it was my first trip to France (or Europe in general) and I absolutely fell in love with it.

Whenever I have doubts of if I/we can make it, I think of all the million little things he did or said leading up to me visiting and while I was there. How he planned out the whole trip. How he coordinated the skiing trip with him mom. How he stood up for me in the strained relationship he has with his dad. How I got to be a part of the New Years "gang". How he remembered that I wanted to see the historic downtown area just because I had found a picture online before going. How he took me on a weekend trip to Paris and a surprise day to Disney Land. His adorable eagerness at showing me things. How I was trusted with a key to the apartment and the entry code to the complex. How he made time for me during his classes, exams and projects.

Right now, it's been over 2 months since I left. He will graduate in the fall, and me next summer (2010). One more year of this seems overwhelming. But our conversations online this time around have evolved in ways I could never have predicted. Neither of us like being too serious, so we make a lot of jokes about the future, but in a way it's OUR way of saying what we hope or want to happen.

Right now, he has one more internship to go through. I will be most likely visiting him for 3-4 weeks in July. That is what I am looking forward to. It was never really my plan to fall for a guy who lives across the world. Nor did I ever think I would get so involved so quickly. For some, it has been TOO quick. In all fairness, I can see their point. But I know myself the best, and if I am ok with it, then there shouldn't be anything else to argue. If I end up being wrong, the consecuences are solely on me. 

I can't imagine feeling this way for anyone else. It's not just because he is my first boyfriend... I'm not his first girlfriend, but he has told me that this is dramatically different from all of his previous relationships on every single level. 

It's insanely hard sometimes. Right now, he's in the middle of traveling to his internship and I'm going through issues because I'm worried and want to hear that he got there ok. Patience is not my strongest virtue. But perhaps that is what I will end up learning from this all. 

The issues we have worked through are intense. The progression of us is completely unconventional. But I LOVE IT. I wouldn't change a thing, even the bad moments. As cliche as it is, it truly has changed my life. And I'm eternally grateful for that. 

I'd love to make friends on here who can help me get through this, and if possible, that I can encourage too. In these kind of cases, I do feel like it takes someone who is going through the same thing to really understand and empathize. Thanks to all in advance. 

laguna laguna
22-25, F
4 Responses Mar 24, 2009

hey,how did it go in the end?

hey,how did it go in the end?

Thank you very much for taking the time to read my story and comment. I'm a believer in things working out in ways that are meant to be, even if you may not understand why it goes a certain way at times. We were "meant to meet", despite the fact that AT THE MOMENT, we need to do things apart. I don't know how it has worked for you, but it's precisely the distance that causes us to have certain conversations or develop trust on levels we might not have gotten to were we in a "normal" situation.<br />
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I truly appreciate your last sentence. I wish the same for you... I would enjoy it if we can support each other through this. Best of luck and thanks again!

i am in a LDR but i am the one in europe. But i think you were meant to meet and be together. Every relationship goes through test. Most later on after you have known each other for a while. With LDR's its usually up front. BUt for your sake and mine, i hope its one of the harder test so that everything else could be smooth sailing