I Am Here, He Is There, and So Is His Ex.

in 2007 i was working in Peru and met a lovely traveler at a disco.  he was just a few months older than me and full of the same adventurous spirit.  at first it was just physical, and then it turned out we were ideologically in line with each other in a multitude of ways.  after a week more or less, he had a flight scheduled to Columbia which he couldnt break, and i had an excursion into the Andes planned as well, so we had our last blissful night together.  we stayed up until the transport van came to my flat, exchanging longing looks, photos, wine and what not.  it all was extremely cute.  and then in the midst of one exciting moment he said to me "i think i'm in love," to which i responded with an agape mouth, and no sound.  now normally in such a situation, i wouldve dismissed the comment, said goodbye to the fellow and buried him in the recesses of my memory.  but for some reason when he said it, it didnt put me off... 

fast forward a few hours and im on a switchback train headed north.  all i could do was stare out the windows, eyes full of memories of him and our last moments together, certain that i would never see him again and quite fine with that prospect-an adventure had been had...in a few days i began receiving emails from him for many days to come.  they were sweet and expressive but still, i knew i would never see him again. 

fast forward to 2008.  im working in central america and receive subtle yet flattering comments from him on facebook. we keep in contact but not regularly.  evetually i find myself about to travel through Honduras and he gives me a contact for a friend of his there.  i connect with this guy, who is most hospitable, and our relation is reborn.  at this point, my partner recieves word he is to work in Tanzania until the end of the year.  he goes, does amazing things, and i then find myself looking at his goings-on on his facebook.  hmm. 

towards the end of the year i returned from central america for a wedding, filled with ideas of where to go next.  2 great friends were going to be in Portugal, and since i had a free flight earned, i decided to join them at the end of the year and begin working on organic farms throught the region.  but then, about a week after i arrived in the USA, he sends me this letter professing his love to me, entitling it something like "this has been a long time coming," causing me to weep profuriously. i paced around the room and stared at his pictures and his efforts in africa.  he was going on safari with his family and wouldnt have internet access for a week.  so, without much hesitation and many cigarrettes, i replied to him, professing the same, secret feelings of admiration and love.  i told him how after so much wandering the planet, i quite desired the company of another, like minded person, someone to share adventures in life with. i made myself more vulnerable than i had since i was a teenager. and i tell you, what an awful week of waiting that was. 

well he responded, and decided that if i was flying to the iberian penn, his home, that he would meet me there.  dec 28th, our eyes met again in Madrid, and only last week did they part.

so now i have a long distance relationship.  something i thought i'd never have.  something ive gone so far to avoid that ive actually broken up with others over the mere prospect.  and now, i can't wait to return.

the point of me illstrating the depth of our connection is to show that there isnt much depth at all.  we both admit, as did our families/friends, that it was absolute maddness.  we essentially did not know each other but for a series of emails and what, now we're living together???    crazzzyyy. 

but we love(d) it!!  we found a beautiful little piso by the sea and and have discovered our first experience living with someone else to be delightful.  not to say we didnt have our challenges. 

we both had long term relationships in the past, me 5 years, him 3, but his 3 year bothered me...

they had one year together & 2 apart while he was abroad.  the lady is 2 years his senior, and many years his sexual junior.  basically, he was her first, and last, everything.  and she was 23 when they met.  what also worries me is the connection they must have had in order to maintain a LD or 2 flipping years.

he told me that they had an "amazing"relationship, warning me when we were about to meet in case i would become "uncomfortable," to which i was very suspicious. after seeing them and doing an extensive amount of facebook stalking, i realized that however intelligent he was, he had no idea what this woman was thinking.  he's a scientist, but when it comes to the perception of peoples' feelings (when theyre not blatant), he's a flipping rock. in a very short time it became painfully evident to me that this woman still loved him, and THAT was the reason they had such an "amazing"relationship.  when i realized this, and we all got together one night, i opted for total and complete ****-blocking. 

you know when you want someone's attention but you're in a group, so you do something to get attention in general, and then secretly glance to see if the object of your desire was watching??  well, i know that game. ive played that game.  and when i saw her about to execute it, i blocked.  i planted myself firmly between her and his path of vision. i was kind of proud as to how affective it was! this petty game continued throughout the night, eventually culminating in him becoming aware and her becoming upset.  Hoorah!!  i win!!   

we talked about this eventually and i told him my feelings about her still loving him, etc.  he said that wasnt true, and that i didnt know her, blah blah blah.  yet he had told me before, that had he wanted to stay in his hometown, he wouldve been with her for a long time...so it wasnt her necessarily, rather that he wanted to travel and she didnt.  so now he's back, and they're in the same place while im not. 

while i was still there, she stopped calling finally and faded out of our lives.  my time was coming to return home, and i was becoming worried.  as much as he told me he loved me, wanted to be with me forever, have kids etc,  he had also once told her he loved her, that he wanted to have kids with her, etc...  but now, im here  he is there, and so is his ex.  they have a thousand mutual friends.  she has been attending the same events.  and she began writing him messages again, subtly.  i must admit i do want to kill her.  as soon as i left she resurfaced, all jolly and inncocent and full of ****.  

i know i sound awful but this sucks.  im a million miles away from the man i love and i have to deal with his ex-girlfriend being 10 minutes away and still in love with him.  

any advice??  i cant handle this.  all i can think about is them smiling at each other and me wanting to stab her with a spoon (dont actualy want to hurt her, well, maybe a little).  

has anyone else had to deal with this?  the ex who wont fade away with LD crap??   ahhh!!!