An Ldr With A Twist In The Tale...

Ok, bear with me. I’m in a long distance relationship, but it’s a different kind of situation than what most of the people in this group might be in.

We haven’t met.

First of all, I know that makes me sound like a complete and utter nerd (and him as well) but please understand that neither of us ever thought something like this could happen (so much so that when it did we were so embarrassed that we’ve only been able to tell very close friends, and won’t tell others until we’ve met). Five months ago if you’d asked me if I could see myself in a) a long distance relationship, or b) a relationship with someone I hadn’t yet met in person, I would have answered no to both. Emphatically. And the same for him. We are both introverted personalities, but we both have very active social lives and hobbies. We’re both average looking (we each think the other is beautiful though, of course) and don’t have a problem meeting persons of the opposite sex, we just haven’t found that ‘thing’ we were both looking for in a partner until we met each other. We started out friends, and it grew from there.

P and I met blogging, and started chatting. We clicked intellectually almost immediately, having some of the greatest discussions I’ve ever had with a guy - and before I knew it there were sparks of a different kind. We just tick each other’s boxes. We just also happen to live in different countries.

We’ve planned to meet in May next year because that’s the only time we will both be available and financially prepared.

I’m aware that things have moved fast, but neither of us are the 'casual' type, and we're both very intense. We started out calling it an open relationship and saying that the only reason we were even going to meet was because neither of us could imagine spending the rest of our lives wondering what if. We said that if we met someone in our home city then obviously things would change. We didn’t plan on falling in love – it’s just who we both are and who we are together.

I’ve got tons of pictures of him, his family, I know where he lives, we’ve exchanged birthday gifts and had Skype video-calls, so as far as I possibly could know, he is the genuine thing. Obviously there are things I can’t know about it as long as things remain this way, but it won’t, since we have a goal and are both extremely determined to get there. As far as I’m concerned, the argument that he could turn out to be someone I don’t know is pointless as the risk people take even in normal relationships is almost the same. You can date someone for years, get married, and then he can abuse you 6 months into the marriage. It happens. It’s a risk we all take in our relationships, I believe.

I know it sounds unrealistic to a lot of people, and I even feel like I’m trying to defend it now as I write this. I don’t know how it’s supposed to work, all I know is that right now we make it work somehow. We talk on the phone and chat often. At the moment he is travelling European on a tour with his band and we can’t be in touch as often. I miss him terribly, which sounds funny to my closest friends because they don’t understand how you can miss someone you’ve never met.

Maybe we are both just two romantics caught up in the adventure and charm of an international relationship, and when we meet next year the whole picture we’ve been painting together will fall apart in the face of reality. Or maybe it is what it looks like, and so much more. Either way, it’s still an adventure, and no matter what happens, P and I will probably remain friends for a very long time to come.

In the meantime, as all if you here know, it’s difficult. On top of the usually difficulties of LDR, we have our own unconventional relationship. We are actually counting down the days until we can ‘just be normal LDR’!

crimsonpoppy crimsonpoppy 22-25, F 16 Responses Nov 26, 2009

Your Response


what ever works works good for u:)

Hello.<br />
My name is komba.<br />
I am a new member of EP...<br />
I hope you are fine and alos your family.?<br />
I was impressed when i saw your profile here and i will like you to email me to my inbox here at(kombakonan1 @ y/a/h/o/o.c/o/m)so that<br />
i can send you my picture and will can discuss areas of interest and to create some mutually beneficial relationships togather<br />
Please reply to my inbox so that i can be able to send you my picture and tell<br />
you more about myself.<br />
waiting to hear from you soonest.<br />
<br />
Put my email in under and conatct me from the mail<br />
Here is my contact email (kombakonan1 @ y/a/h/o/o.c/o/m)<br />
miss komba.

Goodness, I'm right there with you! But... here's how my story differs. Me and my boyfriend met on a dating site for military and fell hard after the first conversation! We made it official about 8 days after meeting, and about 4 days after that we came to the conclusion that we could not be without each other. So.... I will be moving to Alaska by July at the latest to be with my guy and could not be happier! So I won't actually meet him in person until I'm moving there! We talk all day, by all day I mean, from about noon my time til 6-7 in the morning. We laugh at each others stupid jokes, have everything possible in common, and we are already finishing each others thoughts. My point is, love happens when it wants to, not when you want it to. You can't predict it, nor the person you will love. Just live your life and enjoy it. Some people never even get to experience it even have met in person before starting a relationship. Anything is possible, if you believe. Good luck!

I'm in a pretty similar situation. We met online and have only known each other for almost 3 months. We started off as friends and he was just as funny as can be. We started video chatting and got together 18 days after we met. We're pretty similar in a lot of ways, and at one point we called each other twins! I love him so much and my friends find it odd how you can love someone you've never met, but I'm not giving up. We just celebrated out 2 month anniversary and are going strong (:. I think we'll be together a long time to come.

My boyfriend and I met online as well. You should read some of my stories. But your not the only one who met on the internet and fell in love.. Love can happen at any time! Any where, and any how.. As our world grows, it comes along with other ways to meet people. And just because you haven't met in person doesn't mean that you haven't met. You've talked, you've shared about your lives and as you move on in life, you're sharing your life together before you meet face to face.. Your not abnormal. If you are, then so am i. But i love how you both want to be together and even if things don't work out, you'll still be friends. =)

I haven't been here on a while, but me and my guy just celebrated 18 months together. Over New Year, he came to my country and visited and stayed with my family, and met all my friends. It was awesome, we had a wonderful time! Now we're planning for me to go to his home country to stay for a while. Hopefully we'll be together by the beginning of next year, the only thing holding us back right now are finances.

Its kind of scary just how similar this is to me, lol. <br />
Except, unfortunately, neither my boy or I are in a position financially to meet at the moment, no matter how hard we try.<br />
We talk every night on the phone, sometimes for 15 minutes if one of us is tired, sometimes for 4 hours.. sometimes more. Whenever we get the chance we skype/msn/webcam with one another.. We met on this video site called stickam, and he joined my 'live feed' [a video of me and a chatroom for everyone to talk in and add their videos - like a giant chatroom with videos].. And it kind of just progressed from there.. <br />
The thing I love the most about us, is that when we talk.. we never hang up. I usually fall asleep on him, or him on me.. Or together. And his phone will cut out at the end of every hour - which saves credit, lol.<br />
The thing I hate the most about us, is that <br />
a) He lives so far away.<br />
and<br />
b) I want to tell my parents.. But I know all hell will break loose if I do. Not only does he live in a different country, and I've never met him, but he's also 20 [four years older than me]... My parents don't strike me as the kind of people that would be especially accepting of any of these factors.<br />
To us, though, the age thing has not really been a huge thing. From the beginning, I told him that I was 16, [I've been told by many people that I look much older - my boy being one of them] and one of the things he said to me early in our friendship - before our relationship- was that he couldn't believe that I was only 16, that I was more mature than the girls he knew in Singapore.<br />
I can only hope that one day, sooner rather than later, I will have him next to me. I want him to hold me, and I want to hold his hand.<br />
Thanks for posting your story; it made me feel like I wasn't alone. [:

All i can say to you is "Kudos" and keep up the good work .. I didnt meet my Love till 10 months into the relationship and it was very nerve wracking..but we perservered through it. But the key to any long distance relationship is "committement and devotion" to the relationship..Speaking everyday if you can .giving long distance gifts. But at some point the relationship strains for both to be together. as my Love said one day.."I need to feel you in the same space". This request of hers haunted me since i have done long distance relationships before this one .. i was a bit more adjusted to the long distance.. but she was in her first lond distance relationship and hungered for my presence.. <br />
So.. both parties must agree to meet.. at some point, its the natural progression of love i think..<br />
but your story makes me feel how this community of Ours is very strong and great Romantics..<br />
thanks for the story.

Wow, these comments are so great. I really thought me and my guy were an anomaly. Funnily enough, since we've become more open about the relationship with people in our lives, we've discovered how many know of, or know someone who had this kind of a relationship. Some of the stories are really positive too. He found out that 2 people he works with have had similar beginnings to their relationships, which have lasted.<br />
It's now been just over 6 months that we've been together, and the plane tickets are booked, the accommodation is booked, and we're meeting in just under 3 months. The time is going faster now. I'm really excited! :D

Actually, I've had a relationship that was strictly phone and internet. He only sent 2 pictures of himself. One was an old picture, and the other was one picture of him when he was 2 yrs old.<br />
<br />
We spoke everyday on the phone but 2 days out of the 2.5yrs we were together. Everyday we spoke 9pm at night and remained on the phone 'til 6am which was when the minutes were no longer free. We lived 6-7hours away from eachother and we never met, but we lasted 2.5 yrs. Our origin was Counterstrike: a first person shooting game. You think you guys sound lame? I think I might've topped you on this one. lol<br />
<br />
We never webcammed/video conferenced or video called. We still have never met, and I don't know if we ever will. I'm bittersweet towards him.

Similar situation as thepeach wow didn't know other people had the same experience as me I met someone online we talked for 5 years on and off and never met but we fell in love he was like my best friend we talked about everything and one day he just never came back...but goodluck to u and know your not alone in falling in love with someone you've never happens everyday..

Similar situation as thepeach wow didn't know other people had the same experience as me I met someone online we talked for 5 years on and off and never met but we fell in love he was like my best friend we talked about everything and one day he just never came back...but goodluck to u and know your not alone in falling in love with someone you've never happens everyday..

i totally understand... coz i've been in a very similar situation! he was my friend for 2 years and somehowe... we fell in love and planned on meeting... and i totally understand how you can be friends with someone you havent met.. and even fall in love.. feelings know no distance!! i can tell you he's been th best friend i ever had! we had alot in common.. all th crazy things i dare not tell my friends about.. i told him and he understood and alot of times even felt like i did! i always felt that he;s th one! and he felt th same and always told me that.... and i;v been through everything you wrote up there!! <br />
<br />
however.. unfortunately... my story did not end happy... becoz after falling in love and planning things for 9 months.. he simply disappeared.. and stopped returning my calls... and stopped showing up on skype... i lived in denial for 4 months... but i've decided to believe he simply left me for a reason or another... and i'v been adjusting with that for 3 months... but i'm not happy and i'm so depressed... and i feel like th only thing i lived for let me down... and yeah all of that and i never met him!! i totally understand how you can miss someone you've never met!!<br />
<br />
i'm not sharing this to scare you.. i just felt we're similar in alot of ways... and i truly feel things will have a better ending for you :) and i truly wish you the best :) i hope you guys meet and for things to go from good to better and to the best :)

Thanks to all you guys who've commented so encouragingly. It's such a relief to be able to share my story with people who understand! Thanks for all your well-wishes. <br />
<br />
@reborn1976 Wow! That's a long time, have you guys made plans to meet?

Wow! I'm in a similar situation, BUT, we've never even exchanged pics! And it's been over 2yrs since we started our friendship and then fell in love. I wish you the best and you don't need to defend your feelings! You're right abt everyone takes risks, whether face to face or not! I'm wishing you the best! You don't want to take the risk of not meeting. :)

You don't have to defend it. You've had time to get to know each other a bit. Spending time face to face will be another test of the relationship, but I hope that you both enjoy it :-)