An Ldr With A Twist In The Tale...
Ok, bear with me. I’m in a long distance relationship, but it’s a different kind of situation than what most of the people in this group might be in.
We haven’t met.
First of all, I know that makes me sound like a complete and utter nerd (and him as well) but please understand that neither of us ever thought something like this could happen (so much so that when it did we were so embarrassed that we’ve only been able to tell very close friends, and won’t tell others until we’ve met). Five months ago if you’d asked me if I could see myself in a) a long distance relationship, or b) a relationship with someone I hadn’t yet met in person, I would have answered no to both. Emphatically. And the same for him. We are both introverted personalities, but we both have very active social lives and hobbies. We’re both average looking (we each think the other is beautiful though, of course) and don’t have a problem meeting persons of the opposite sex, we just haven’t found that ‘thing’ we were both looking for in a partner until we met each other. We started out friends, and it grew from there.
P and I met blogging, and started chatting. We clicked intellectually almost immediately, having some of the greatest discussions I’ve ever had with a guy - and before I knew it there were sparks of a different kind. We just tick each other’s boxes. We just also happen to live in different countries.
We’ve planned to meet in May next year because that’s the only time we will both be available and financially prepared.
I’m aware that things have moved fast, but neither of us are the 'casual' type, and we're both very intense. We started out calling it an open relationship and saying that the only reason we were even going to meet was because neither of us could imagine spending the rest of our lives wondering what if. We said that if we met someone in our home city then obviously things would change. We didn’t plan on falling in love – it’s just who we both are and who we are together.
I’ve got tons of pictures of him, his family, I know where he lives, we’ve exchanged birthday gifts and had Skype video-calls, so as far as I possibly could know, he is the genuine thing. Obviously there are things I can’t know about it as long as things remain this way, but it won’t, since we have a goal and are both extremely determined to get there. As far as I’m concerned, the argument that he could turn out to be someone I don’t know is pointless as the risk people take even in normal relationships is almost the same. You can date someone for years, get married, and then he can abuse you 6 months into the marriage. It happens. It’s a risk we all take in our relationships, I believe.
I know it sounds unrealistic to a lot of people, and I even feel like I’m trying to defend it now as I write this. I don’t know how it’s supposed to work, all I know is that right now we make it work somehow. We talk on the phone and chat often. At the moment he is travelling European on a tour with his band and we can’t be in touch as often. I miss him terribly, which sounds funny to my closest friends because they don’t understand how you can miss someone you’ve never met.
Maybe we are both just two romantics caught up in the adventure and charm of an international relationship, and when we meet next year the whole picture we’ve been painting together will fall apart in the face of reality. Or maybe it is what it looks like, and so much more. Either way, it’s still an adventure, and no matter what happens, P and I will probably remain friends for a very long time to come.
In the meantime, as all if you here know, it’s difficult. On top of the usually difficulties of LDR, we have our own unconventional relationship. We are actually counting down the days until we can ‘just be normal LDR’!