To Be Or Not To Be..

I have recently broken up wih my long distance boyfriend. There has been a guy here in my own country that has caught my attention. He offers the relationship that i can't have with my long distance.

But even though i made the decision to let go of the relationship. I can't let go of him. I'm caught in between. If i do go back to the long distance relationship, i know. i KNOW that i will start feeling the insecurity again. i KNOW that my heart will start to falter again. And there will be more indecision, more doubts, more pain. The thing is, unlike many long distance relationships. I can't see him. Not for another two years at least. And it feels we have run out of things to talk about. Long distance don't necessarily work for us, but i know...that if he were here. The concept of "US" would work then. So it's not really a long distance "relationship" it's more of a long distance "wait".

If i could forget him, if i could let him go, the relationship here may work. I would give it my all. But i'm scared to let him go. I know it's selfish of me, but it seems i want to be able to have a relationship here, yet still hold onto what we had and hope that it'll somehow work in the future. I know that if i let go of him, he will let go of me. And i don't want that to happen. I'm scared of that happening, the thought of giving up something that could be so magical. If only he were HERE.

I'm caught in between and i don't know what to do...

FadedJeans FadedJeans
Feb 27, 2010