Looking Back On 22 Years Of My Life, This Is What Stood In My Way

  1. I never really believed I could support myself (as evidenced by current bank account)
  2. As a result, I spent time with men out of a fantasy that they would support me (as evidenced by short-term relationships)
  3. At most, they bought me nice things or took me nice places
  4. I didn't have a plan, instead I chose to do interesting things and have an "unconventional life"
  5. As a result, I have no savings.
  6. I wasn't guided by a vision for myself
  7. I didn't maintain friendships with people who could have helped me
  8. I cut myself off from people
  9. I had plenty of ideas but no plans, and if I had plans I didn't follow them.
  10. I created a life with a day job that was always "less than" and the people always "not as good as"
  11. I reacted to life, rather than being the pilot of my life
  12. I was like a checkout clerk, rather than the casting agent of my life.
  13. I considered myself  "fearless" but I was afraid of: people more succesful than I, afraid of committing myself fully, afraid that I would "miss out", afraid that I was being taken advantage of, afraid that I wasn't loved..
beautytruth beautytruth
46-50, F
3 Responses Feb 3, 2010

Thank you moments. I super appreciate your support. Actually good things are happening. My film will be in a film festival soon! yay! <br />
I pray pray pray that all the things that God wants for this film, I can help to make happen.

That is me! It's never too late. Really. Wishing you all the success you deserve.

Indeed yes Kiko! Relative to life in general, my life isn't terrible, but relative to my dreams, I'll never get near them unless I GROW beyond my old beliefs! I say grow, instead of "change" because I learned from a very wise person that change implies that something needs to be fixed. <br />
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The first commitment I'll make is to reconnect with 2 people a day for the next 21 days, people I haven't spoken to in a very long time, for no other reason but to connect.