Longevity

Basically for years I was friends with this girl. She was amazing, unlike anyone else. Although she had issues, she let me close, and were excellent friends. I started to fall in love with her and as such became very depressed as it seemed futile, but I moved on. I had a few girlfriends, this girl never showing particular care. After the break up of one of my girlfriends I couldn't take it anymore and decided I had to tell this girl how she made me feel. I did, and it was fine, just talked, but it didn't amount to anything. I then started talking to another girl. This girl was amazing and I really liked her. We started going out, and everyone could tell that this was going to be a long lasting relationship, even the first girl. At a party girl 2 wasn't at, girl 1 cried in my arms and was sad how things would change between us. I comforted her, stroked her hair, said things wouldn't change. But they did. Over the months of mine and girl 2s relationship, girl 1 (as was common with her) dropped off the face of the earth, becoming very difficult to talk to. By about 8 months in, girl 2 and myself seemed to be growing apart. To me it seemed she just didn't like me anymore. It was horrible to do so, but I broke up with her. It was fine though, as we stayed friends and became close. Coincidentally now that I was single I saw girl 1 at a party, or on the street, and we'd talk and she'd even kiss me on the cheek goodbye. I was so glad to have found her again. While this was happening however I was getting along swell with girl 2 as friends, although the fact that we could talk about anything now without relationship pressure, made me realise all the things I liked about her. About 2 weeks after we had broken up, we were talking on the phone. She propositioned me with a "grey relationship". She said she still loved me, just that she couldn't deal with the pressure. I accepted because I liked her again. That was about a week ago now. Last night I got a parcel. It was from girl 1, we had sent post to each other before, a long time ago. Inside was the new book by an author we both love, a painting and a letter. She said how she had had this stuff in her room for 9 months, and just hadn't got round to sending it. She said how we had both changed. The "grey relationship" with girl 2 is secret, so as far as girl 1 knows, I'm still single. Girl 2 I can imagine living with, marrying, etc. and I love her. But girl 1, girl 1 has punched and kicked at my heart for so long but we share this unique connectedness. I can't explain. I believe she will never leave my mind. It's all so hard.
SpaceyMax SpaceyMax
18-21
1 Response Dec 9, 2012

You seem to got yourself into some sticky situation. I don't know with other places but here, your "gray relationship" is called "mutual understanding" here. It is basically being committed without making it official. I think it is unfair to both of them if you can't decide which one you want to be with. Try to meet some new people and assess yourself.