Loving Relationship

I am in love with a boy who respects me, considers me before himself, loves me deeply and makes me very happy... He never planned on falling in love, and wanted to block out emotions, but he is changing his mind... The only thing I can blame him for is making himself emotionally numb when he is upset, which is very rare now, but he has been continuously somewhat numb for years. He is travelling now and, since I can't be there or even contact him, I am afraid of the possibility that he will be completely unemotional when he returns. When he isn't numb, he promises to try to avoid it, for me, but when he is upset, he automatically stops feeling and it lasts for days... This bothers me a lot, but he doesn't even realize (much less feel bad about it) until he can experience emotions again. I can't prevent this, but I am infinitely thankful for the fact that he has let in emotions again for me and that I can make him happy... I'm very lonely when he's numb or when I can't talk to him, and I still can't talk to him for two weeks while he's in Japan, but I've been writing in a journal to him. He got email access once and wrote a very short message saying all was well but that he missed me. He missed me! Half of me wants him to enjoy himself thoroughly and not be bothered thinking of me, but the other half is desperate to be loved and I was happy both that he missed me and that, maybe, he wasn't just becoming numb because of it, because then he wouldn't miss me anymore... I hope. I am too often desperate to be loved. Since he is so shy, and since now I'm taking intensive Italian courses during the week and he has lots of commitments on the weekends, it will be hard to see each other much at all, and we don't get the chance to show affection often enough. When we finally do, the caress on my shoulder is enough to remind me why I'm in love, and I'll remember a sweet nothing all week. That's what I look forward to most... a chance to be mostly alone and romantic. He makes me love being me... He tells me I'm beautiful, and it's not something I can believe most days, but I believe he thinks so, and that's all that matters to me... I know I'm naive when it comes to love and long-term relationships, but we haven't had a heated argument ever, and we love each other for our personalities and unchanging aspects, so I have faith that our relationship will last. He means the world to me and I couldn't stand to lose him... I'm lonely tonight, but it's lessened by knowing without a doubt that he loves me. He wants me to be happy and rested, so I'll try to do that and get some sleep now.
dianecantante dianecantante
18-21, F
Jul 1, 2007