I Am In A New Relationship And I Am Terrified Of Screwing It Up:s

I was with my ex for 6 years or so and ended it because we were on completely different pages, and I didn't feel anything for him anymore. He was my first boyfriend so it was hard to end it but I couldn't justify being with someone I didn't feel strongly about. I was seeing a guy for a month after that but I did not feel strongly for him and I ended it because he was very controlling and spiteful towards me. I then met this guy who goes to my school and hung out with him a few times with mutual friends. I didn't think anything of it until a few weeks ago. I feel crazy about him and I didn't know what to do. We hung out 3 weeks ago and drank and I confessed my feelings for him in a crying mess. lol he said he liked me too, but he had stuff to deal with before he could be in a relationship. and I went home that night and felt horrible the next day. I was so worried and felt so dumb for thinking that I ruined things, and my feelings for him were so strong that I completely hated myself for doing what I did. He was so decent about it and talked to me about it and i said I would be cool to hang out as friends. I went to hang out there the following week and while I was there, he was very close to me and he put his arm around me on the couch. we then went to his bed and he told me he was finished talking to that girl, and that he was worried she was gonna hurt herself so he had to make sure she was ok and that they weren't gonna talk anymore. I said "so what does that mean?" and he lifted my head up and kissed me. I stayed the night and I was so happy and he was telling me how much he liked me and It was like the best night ever. I woke up the next morning and I went to school. We have been hanging out quite a bit lately and I'm always worried that he doesn't like me just because I feel so totally insecure around him. He asked me 2   times to take me out on a date and due to work I couldn't go but then I was able go this week, so he took me out on Tuesday night and it went really well. I went back to his house after and stayed the night, and he asked me to be his girlfriend. and I said yes of course. It was an awesome night(no sex)just cuddling and talking. I feel like im so nervous around him, that I need to drink or something. Wednesday night we all went out for a friends birthday and we went to pre-drink and I drank way too much and I got kicked out almost as soon as we got there. He took me back to his place and I don't remember the rest but when i woke up in the morning i was changed into my pajamas and he had his arms wrapped around me. he was very sweet and kissed me goodbye. and When he came back he crawled back into bed and cuddled till we both had to go to school. We talked on the way and he kept bringing up the drinking thing and how its a problem and I totally agreed with him, I felt really horrible for putting him through that last night. he hugged and kissed me goodbye and we went separate ways, when I got home I texted him that I was really sorry and that I will not do that again and that its a big problem and it needs to stop. he said well its good that we agree on that :) and then we talked like normal again but Im just so worried hes going to break up with me and that Im going to screw all this up because I like him so much. and I have to stop drinking cause its ruining everything. I havent felt this way about anyone and it sucks because i feel so out of my element that im turning to alcohol to calm my nerves when really I should just be myself. He is now my boyfriend and I need to know how to be more confident around this person, how to be the best girlfriend and not ruin this because this is the only thing that im 100% sure that I want.
shreddedhead shreddedhead
22-25, F
Dec 6, 2012