Love/hate

Maybe he saw how weak I was and loved my submissive personality. He was much older than I was and I young still 8 months from my 18th birthday.I met him 3 years ago after he came back from Iraq and was honorably discharged from the military. At the time I had just got out of a two year relationship and he coincidentally got out of a long term relationship. We were friends and I knew he was seeing other women including his ex but for some reason I overlooked his man ***** tendencies. It took us 7 months after we first met to go out on a first date which I recall to be amazing. He was charming, handsome, intelligent and most of all caring. Instantaneously, I fell in love. Since our first date we were seeing each other every weekend, sleeping over and going on more amazing dates. We were drawn to each other but mainly because of our similar past. We had "mommy and daddy" issues and felt a connection and deep understanding to one another because of it.

As months passed in our relationship I saw how busy he was with school and work. I felt the need to call him, hear from him or be around him all the time. He was older so I felt he was my protector and he knew it. He took care of me, gave me a home when I needed one and gave me money when I needed some.

But like any other relationship we had our problems, I was too dependent and our relationship became a father and daughter relationship. We argued none stop and he wanted to call it quits. I begged and pleaded for him not to leave me because to me he was like my family, he was someone who took care of me. He saw through my weak mind and said he will only stay if he can see other women and bring another women into our bed while me being their watching and participating. He said he would give me security, love and a family if I obeyed his orders. From there, I agreed. He was my master and I was his slave. I obeyed every order he gave me and suprisingly I enjoyed it. I wanted to be told what to do, I wanted to get slapped every time I disobeyed him. Our relationship became very sexual and full of passion.

After a while I grew tired and saw he was emotionally unavailable which is not what I needed. I wanted him to show me he loved me more and grew jealous when he didn't kiss me but kissed other women, didn't fully engange in sexual intercourse and have me put in most of the work but he did with other women. Even though I knew everything he did was sexual and not emotional I wanted to put an end to it. I wanted him to work as hard for our relationship just as hard as he works to put other women to bed. One day I loved him and the next I grew angry and started going against him. It's a never ending cycle. From a young age I was molded into thinking this was okay. A household should include a dominant man who works and should be entitled to sleep around and a submissive woman who takes care of her husband and children. I blame myself for how my relationship has played out but for some reason I found it hard to say No and to give up all that I have worked for. In our relationship there is love, passion and dedication. I do realize he is selfish but maybe what I might say will sound like a blind person is talking but I'd like to believe beneath all of this, he's someone who cares and loves me like I do about him. There is no moral of the story unfortunately. So for now, I must sit back and retire.
Emme2592 Emme2592
18-21
Dec 13, 2012