Relationship With Sf Soldier

Hi all,

having read other ladies' stories and inquiries on this forum, I became encouraged to ask for advice regarding my own situation:

I met a few months ago online here abroad (outside the US) a gentleman who is a SF officer. I was previously married to another Army soldier, but have been divorced about 12 years. I have a professional civilian career myself, which includes deployments. I am getting ready to be sent out again for a year this fall, however, the kind of deployments we talk about are not comparable to the military, as we have a very generous leave amount and can take off two weeks every two months (and I will be close to an airport). It seems we have a lot in common and a lot of respect for another, personally and professionally. We were both deployed to the same location at about the same time without knowing one another, so we have a lot to talk about.

We have only met about three times, and each time spent the weekend together (once in another city, once at my place, and once at his place), and, yes, it included physical intimacy. However, it appears that I might "be carrying" this relationship. He is going through a divorce and misses his two minor children very much. When he drinks too much, on the one hand he can be continuously complaining about the situation with his soon-to-be ex, missing his children, and the problems with his boss, but on the other hand, he has been very "tender" and caring to me at times. However, I have the impression that he "pushes me away" and can appear downright "cold." I don't know if this has to do with him seeing me more as a "fling", or because of his personal insecurities. While spending the weekend at his location, I met some of his colleagues (he also "sort of showed me off," which was cute), and we had a great evening. However, the next day he appeared distant again. That was two weeks ago, and he is currently on some sort of secret exercise and then has to go stateside for a seminar. Giving my own situation and being afraid that we might not have enough time to "develop our initial relationship and build a solid foundation," I wanted to move this forward as much as possible before being deployed again, and then possibly maintain a "long-distance relationship," but I didn't want to appear to be "pushy" either (I also offered to help him to get the children here for the holidays). On the one hand I think it might be easier "to go with the flow" and just wait if he contacts me after he returns from his exercise, but on the other hand he knows that I will be gone for training for two weeks myself starting this weekend and that most likely deploy out end of October/beginning of November. Also, both our profiles are still on the dating website. I do not know if he is seeing anyone else (he checked his e-mails very frequently when I appeared not be watching, which made me feel a bit uneasy) while I was at his house, and I do not know if we are in a "relationship," or just "dating." I also noticed that he likes to look at other women when we are out, but I guess that is normal. He hasn't stated anything to what type of "connection" we have at this point. Any advice if I should take more initiative on moving this forward, or "just let him take the lead"?

I do not want to loose him, but at the same time I do not want to be the "tieover" until he finds someone else. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.
schniegel schniegel
41-45, F
Sep 12, 2012