Sexless Relationship

Hello,

I have been in a relationship for 4 years now. Living together for 2 of them. When the relationship started out sex was fine, and was obviously more frequent then it is today or I would not be here posting this.

My girlfriend has been what you would call a moody person. I have known this more and more over time. She is nice, but can be just the exact opposite when I least expect it. I live with that as I am now used to it but the problem I am having is we generally do not have a sex life.

I mean once a month IF that.. I am 36 she is 33. I have talked to her about it, and it does not seem to really go anywhere so it came to the point where I just had enough and said to her, in a nice way, that I am no longer going to try and get denied when it comes to sex in our relationship. If you want to then you come to me... I did this because it just got ridiculous..Tired, headaches, legit excuses, etc...but the fact remains that it is like this. No matter what I say or do it doesn't matter.

So now we live a life basically withouth sex. I hold a little resentment towards her now as it has gotten to the point where all her bad mood swings, etc that I have grown to be accustom to actually make it so I am not even interested in it anymore...to be honest if she were to approach me I would be fine with that, but she does not, and it bothers me to a point because I love her, but now with what I mentioned, it just takes it all away. I have attempted the odd time, I mean odd time, after I said I would not be initiating anymore if this was to continue. I told her that this was not to make her feel guilty or anything it was me saying to her that I will be understanding, and when you would like to, I am here for you.

It hasn't gotten any better at all. It does sadden me as I do love her.. counciling..forget it, she won't have any part of it. Some may say I have a decision to make.. we have a 7 year old. Her child but I have been there since he was 3 and calls me dad. I thought it was perhaps some sexual abuse or something in the past but she swears that it is not. The first year she would tell me all these things she like to do when having sex, etc...and I saw it for a while, but as time went on all these things she said she liked.. I assume she doesn't anymore. I thought it was me at one point but I know it is not. She also says it is not, and I do believe her.
Many things have run through my mind when I take her moodiness and the no sex.. I thought.. we she works evenings..is she getting it somewhere else? Or is she interested in someone else.. I mean a lot of people in my shoes would think the same. Although I do not obsess over that thought it was just something that crossed my mind as I see no sex, and more moodiness.

I will admit, I look at other women now in a different way. I never have cheated in my life when in a relationship. The "daydreams" or thoughts cross my mind but I never act on it only because I know it is sooo wrong....but I don't know what else to do.. I have exercised everything I can think of...anyone in this situation too? Or have their own advice or Opinions on what to do? Or what one might think is going on? Thanks in advance. Some might say typical male..but I have never cheated... the thought of wanting to have sex with someone is..but never do I act on it.. I guess that is just because of the want I have, and what I am not getting in my relationship at all. I am not the kinda Man who needs it everyday or every second day for that matter, I would not complain mind you, but I do not need to have that.. once or twice a week would be find.. I guess I say that because that would be quite a bit from what I am doing now. Never had this issue before.. always satisfied my other half, and always looked for new ways to do so...I always like to learn and have my other half satisfied..what works for her..but I cannot if I do not have a willing partner involved.
That's all for now.. again thanks for advice, opinions, messages in advance! :)
manoman76 manoman76
31-35, M
2 Responses May 11, 2012

man,, it will not get better if you marry her, so please Don't Settle, you are young, and marriage is a lot easier to get into than OUT OF... move on if she won't participate.

I was in a situation like that. It never got better. I put up with it for longer than I should have. I would be nice and understanding and I tried everything I could think of. And I finally left her, and I am so glad I did. It was all her problem and I couldn't fix her. I learned the hard way that people have to fix themselves, and if they don't want to - the only recourse is to leave the relationship. Staying in the relationship just reinforced her bad behavior, made her realize she could get away with it and encouraged her to make it worse. She also blamed me for many things that were her responsibility. Leaving her was the best thing that ever happened to me.<br />
<br />
Never mind that you love her – you need someone who loves you! And why do you love someone who doesn't love back? My advice is to leave her sooner rather than later so you can find someone who loves you and wants to partner with you in making a relationship work. You will be doing her a favor too – because it sounds like she has given up on the relationship.<br />
<br />
Don't worry about how attached you are to her or her son and that he calls you dad. Save yourself first. Be a good example to her son by leaving an unhealthy relationship. If you want – figure out a way to maintain a relationship with her son.