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Relationship Turned Sexless

I've been in this relationship with a man for 3 years now.  We met online and did the long distance thing for the first year of our relationship.  Every time we did see each other things were always very passionate and sexual.  So a year after we met he decided that he wanted to move here to be with me, so we've been living together for 2 years now.  Our sex life was always very regular for the first year for the most part.  There would be a week that would go by without sex sometimes which I didn't like but he didn't seem to mind.  About a year after he moved here we bought a house. 

During the winters since he works in construction work slows down so that's when money is tight.  Last winter he was out of work for 2 weeks and during that time he seemed to forget all about sex as if we weren't usually in the habit of having that in our lifes most days.  At that point 9 days passed by with no sex and it concerned me.  So I brought that up.  He told me that since money was tight and bills were piling up that sex had been the last thing on his mind.  Soon after that things got back to normal and we were having sex regularly again, but he was also back to work. 

Now fast forward a year.  It's in the dead of winter now and this year he has been out of work for over 2 months now, and on top of that I'm pregnant.  Our baby is due on June 5th.  Now it has been over a month since we've had sex.  The thing that really bothers me is that he doesn't even seem to notice it's gone.  I realize he's stressed to no end, but how does one just forget about sex as if nothing is different?  I"m working and bringing in some income, but I know it isn't quite enough. 

It used to be that every time I would rub his back in bed that would always lead to sex, but now it just leads to him getting out of bed as if that's perfectly normal.  And I know I need to be supportive and understanding of what he's going through, yet I'm tired of being rejected.  I can only take that for so much longer.  I worry too that once the baby comes this problem will only get worse.  He told me 2 months ago how much of a turn on it was to see that my pregnancy was showing with his baby and it just makes him want me that much more.  Now there's nothing.  This has become a cold and distant relationship and he doesn't even notice that sex has been missing.  I grew up hearing that men always wanted sex and I always thought that was a good thing since I'm a high libido woman, so I feel very jinxed right now.

CatarinaMorris CatarinaMorris 36-40, F 3 Responses Feb 14, 2010

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Stress reduces testosterone. That's the simple explanation of it, but that applies to all men. His problem is that he's not tackling his problems properly. When times are hard, he has to be able to TALK about it with you, as partners are suppose to do. When you talk about it, evenly, you feel better. I see guys who are older than me who look so run down from life, because they're moral obligations got completely screwed up. They started surviving stress instead of conquering it. If I had a woman that I really loved, I would fuc* her a lot. That probably sounds immature but I use the F word to really emphasise just how badly I would do her. I'm the type that prefers to talk about stuff, and listen to her stuff, and then get intimate afterwards. We're there for each other. It makes the sex so much better when you know you can count on them. Its more free flowing and sensual. Routine sex is the worst.

why did you have a baby with him if you were going through this problems. Was it accidental?

That's hard to go through, but there def seems to be a pattern. I've heard of guys having a decreased sex drive when their masculinity is in question. Maybe he's just stressed and feels like his manhood is in question when he doesn't have a job. You said his sex drive is only down when he's stressed or out of a job right? Maybe when winter hits you c an try and find out some tricks that make his stress go down. Since his stress levels seem to be the problem. Good luck! A sexless relationship is absolutely devastating, but stay hopeful!

i can understand how you. Ive been married for 12 yrs and out of this time we have gone without sex for years. So I know what your going through. And there isnt much we can do about it. My heart goes out to you. I dont know many men who would turn down having sex with their wife