Our Evolving Relationship

It has taken 8 years to finally understand this, but here we are and we are happy.

For years my wife has been subconsciously crying out for me to take her in hand. You see, she didn't grow up in the most stable of households and as such, while I loved her with all my soul, she had no clue how to keep a home or be a mother. I would make her schedules on what to clean on what day, etc., but when she stopped using it (usually from frustration of not finishing something one day and the domino effect that would ensue) I didn't do anything but become frustrated and do the cleaning myself over the weekend. That in turn pushed back projects I intended to work on... and so it goes.

As always happens in life, one thing leads to another. So it is with the take-in-hand relationship we enjoy today. It started, I suppose, when we started enjoying a bit of a kink or fetish and I started researching it online. That got me into contact with people who also practiced other kinks, etc. One happened to mention that she was a submissive, which I didn't fully understand. As we chatted I realized that most of the generic day-to-day items she mentioned my wife and I already did, such as me controlling the money. So, my wife and I spoke at length about the idea of a Dominant / submissive relationship and agreed to give it a go - or at least give it a go in as much as we understood it. Then, interested in how others are doing this as compared to us, I started speaking with others who are into D/s. One day I was told to check into a website about take in hand. Indeed this sounded more like me and my wife as it is a mutual 24/7 agreement between a man and wife in a monogamous relationship. While I'm sure we still incorporate other aspects that may be more D/s than take in hand, just as I'm sure others have bits-and-pieces unique to themselves, overall take-in-hand is still the best umbrella description for our activities.

So what do we do that works for us? Every morning I'm the first one up in our house. Prior to leaving for work I will write in my wifes notebook. In there is a daily entry for what my wife is to accomplish for the day. She prefers this method. As I said she wasn't raised by anyone who taught her what to do and how to manage time, so she enjoys these daily lists as it takes her mind off the big forest of housecleaning and child rearing and lets her focus on one tree at a time. The agreement is that, unless otherwise stated on the list, all items are to be completed prior to my arrival back home. 95% of the time the deadline isn't an issue. When it is and illness is a factor I of course limit what must be done, or remove an item all together if that's appropriate. At the end of the day, when the list is completed (sometimes as soon as I get home, sometimes just before bed if I gave her something to do "before bed"), she kneels before me with the list which is checked off and has her notes added to the bottom. I suppose this is a part of the D/s that we've kept. We like it, it works for us. I'll review the list and make comments, anything from high praises for how well something was done to correcting her for something she missed. Typically she gets the praises, as it is her goal to finish the list properly and on time. Along with the praises she'll get to choose something she wants to do as a bit of a reward. These have varied from her asking me to make dinner, to her taking a bath and having a child-free evening to her choice of sexual intimacy for the night. However, sometimes there are problems and she doesn't finish the list. Again, a bit of the D/s comes in. Here she may simply receive some corrective discussion on why something was done wrong, why she ran out of time, etc. A bit of a 'verbal warning', if you will. She may be told to wear her choker necklace the next day to reminder her of her wrong doings the day before and to keep her focused. We've never had to go past this level as of yet. However, we have discussed other things that may take place if there were still issues or if she seriously transgressed (such as lying to me or flat out ignoring something on her list). These might include spankings or other BDSM type activities. I've read of others having their wives write lines... I don't think I'd do that. Despite all we do for some reason that one just seems wrong to me, perhaps because I make my 7 year old do lines for bad behavior at school or home. Either way I do not believe that those levels of correction will ever be used, but they are there and agreed upon should it be necessary. Further, despite all of the prior arrangements and discussions my wife has agreed to submit to me fully, both in direction and in discipline, with the only limitation, of course, being actual domestic violence.

In the end my wife tells me at least twice a week how much she enjoys this. She tells me it has made her life so much easier knowing what it is that she's supposed to do. She knows at some point her list will say "do what you know you should do", or the like, and she'll have to decide what housework is appropriate for the day, and I feel that in time she will be ready for that and the lists may well go away. As for me, while it's always been verbally said that I am/was the head of the home, now I actually feel like it. Our home is significantly more clean, more quiet and more happy.

I can see how others can be skeptical of these relationships - assuming that the wife must have been somehow beat into submission. While that may be true in a limited number of relationships I feel that the vast majority actually consist of nothing more than a naturally submissive wife and a loving husband who provides direction. I'm sure there are those who will disagree, but who knows.

I'm very interested in your comments and comparisons to how my wife and I enjoy our relationship as compared to yours. I feel there is always something to learn and take from others.

StressRelief4Me StressRelief4Me
26-30, M
7 Responses Jul 21, 2010

You two have worked something out that every marriage should work out. You told it with out discibing the disaplin. I now it happens, but you told it well.

My Husband manages me in the same sort of way :o)

Your story is amazingly like ours. Even down to the "taken in hand" website being a gateway for us into a dom/sub relationship. Thanks for sharing.

I am pleased for you both<br />
http://www.takeninhand.com/obedience<br />

@Shadows444 - It really is and obviously we love it too. Things continue to evolve around here to, and all for the better it would seem. We're both really glad we decided to start doing this - it all feels so very natural and right.

Thanks SaratogaGril. It's still growing and developing, but we're both quite satisfied.

I think you and your wife have arrived at a wonderful domestic partnership arrangement. I applaud you both for achieving such harmony!