Spank In Anger????

I was wondering... Many of you seem to have a rule about never spank in anger. I always read on every site about how important that is for a healthy DD TIH relationship. My husband is an extremely controlled man. He NEVER losses control. I think this is not exactly good... He really swallows too many things... Anyway, we never discussed about this rule thing, and then it was too late. Fact is, he does spank me in anger. Real anger. In fact, those spankings are serious bussines... Nothing cool with them. I usually end up crying. But he is 100% in control anyway... And after lecturing me and talking about what happened, he seems really calm and forgiving. Also, he is hard on me, but never abusive or cruel. He told me the other day that it is easier for him to spank me during an argument when he is really mad at me. He said he even try to remember how angry he was with me on the times when he has to postpone a spanking for later, because usually he forgets the whole thing after some hours and then it's just a reminder, but he doesn't feel the kind of release he feels when he really acts on the heat of the discussion... I know every couple is different, but I'd love to hear your experiences about this issue.
anonimacy anonimacy
36-40, F
6 Responses May 9, 2012

My husband does not loose control either. But he does not swallow everything, quite the contrary. If I do something in his presence, I can tell from his eyes and he frequently just looks at me and nods. What follows is usually something like, "We'll talk about this later". Later means exactly that. I know it is coming, but I don't know when. I know what is going to happen, but I really don't know what is coming my way. Whatever happens, will happen as a matter of fact, often several days after the offense. I will have to wait patiently for him to tell me what to do. When it gets to that point, he is very calm and it's me that is very nervous, when I am given "the sentence".

wow! Waiting could be terrible too! lol.
I wish my husband could act like that sometimes, but he just can't. He may be furious but after a couple of hours he just forgets the whole thing. Problem with that? He has issues stuffed inside him since childhood. He sometimes explodes out of nothing and you can tell its just the result of that.
So, at least within our marriage, he now doesn't swallow things anymore.
Sounds fair to me. I know deep in my heart he would never hurt me, so he has my consent to act in the heat of the moment.

The only one who has been exploding in our relationship has been me, LOL. And my husband has been diligently and patiently applying the necessary medicine to control these outbursts.
Waiting is actually worse than hell. It can drag on for days, and he calmly talks about it and keeps reminding me that I have it still coming. Sometimes he even hints at something, which makes me even more nervous.
Once he did not make me wait. I was 27 or so and a year into our marriage, when I had an outburst of sorts early in the morning. I had to retrieve a switch from the woodshed and bend down. I was to get 27 strokes with that, but because I kept touching myself, he started from the beginning. I ended up with quite a few more. Then he massaged Vick's vapor rub on my already burning behind. To make matters worse, I had to put on a pantyhose and high heeled shoes, both of which I outright hate. Then I had to go to work like that. I was still teaching in a classroom back then and I had a choice to stand and walk in high heels and have my feet hurt or try to sit down on a wooden chair with my sore butt.

Which would you prefer?

You do wrong and you get your bare bottom spanked. A spanking yes but a beating is not on, not saying your hubby beats you but there are a lot out there who do beat their wives.<br />
As long as his anger is not driving him to go overboard then a good spanking will do you the world of good.

I enjoyed your story thank you for sharing.

The discipline is not about his release, it is about positive change. There should be a contract or understanding you have between the two of you about the things in your marriage that need addressing. We worked out what things we both thought needed to change for the better, one of our big things is me saying very hurtful things in the heat of the moment that are destructive to our marriage. So if I do that, I get disciplined. If discipline supports a positive outcome then your Husband should have no reason to feel bad about giving it to you because it is in the best interests of you and the marriage and you gave your consent to it because you want that change too. There is danger in spanking when angry, adrenaline is pumping and he could physically harm you by spanking harder than he is aware of since he may not be in full controll. Also an HoH should emotionally be in control and the words he uses with you should be encouraging and emotionally strengthening so as to ensure it's always beneficial to you and the marriage.

I love the way you can express your points, Roberta!
I seem to have a different view though... I think Domestic Discipline within a marriage is more like a tool for both partners to gain something. That's the big difference from Adult-Child Discipline. When you punish a child, it should always be from it's benefit only, but between consenting equal adults it could involve this two way dynamic. I believe it is important that my husband reaches something from this too. Otherwise it could be just tyring to him.
To tell the truth, I don't think spankings could change my temper. What they work mirackes on is on the way we adress them. He doesn't have to swallow things, he doesn't retreat emotionally from me, and I get an instant stop sign, so I don't escalate my mood on a vicious way. That this makes sense??

My mind tends to real and I just have to spill it all out. I worry I can be offensive. I hope not, I never mean to be. I do love to thrash out everyones views on this. I find all the differences of opinion fascinating. I've never seen it like that before anonimacy. I'm always learning from you guys so thanks :o)

You were not offensive at all! Don't worry ;)
I can't agree with you more. It is just great to discuss our points of view. That's the reason we post here, right? It's fascinating to share thoughts with like minded people.

When your husband spanks you does he only use his hand or does he use an impliment of some sort?

Only his hand mostly. On rare ocassions he uses his belt, but he's very careful with it, so his hand is definitely worst.